Child's friend parent on sexual offender register

[springisspringing1]

I live in a smallish town - only one primary school and only one class per year. My DC is in reception. One of the children's fathers was found guilty of looking at child sex photographs and online grooming of a young teen girl. He is on the sexual offender register. The mother has retained a close relationship with the father (they may still be together - I don't know her well enough). We have kids' birthday parties all the time and eg when she hosts one, the father is likely to be there. I don't want my children near this man. I just don't. I think she's keen for him to be reintegrated into the (quite small) community. AIBU is, I suppose, to make it clear I don't want him to bring their child to my child's party? (I will just make an excuse for their party). Also - is this unfair on my child's friend (who is obviously only 4 too). This is not something that is going to go away -- and want to work out how to manage it now. Please be kind - I absolutely know it is not the mother or the child's fault.

Hate this kind of comment on here - just because someone has a different opinion, doesn't mean they're automatically a man!
Sadly women can come out with that kind of shit as well.

Never EVER met a woman who stood up for a paedophile, so...
YAWN!!

The thing is, loads do.

Plenty of wives stay with their paedophile husbands who are caught downloading images and the like. In fact if you look at the news I’d say more do than don’t. Fuck knows why but they do.

I suspect that many leave later down the track, but initially it’s not unheard of for women and families to stand by them.

@Audiprettier - I have never actually met a woman who stood up for a paedophile or excused their behaviour either - but I am not so naive or innocent as to assume that they don't exist.

If you read my comments I'm of the opinion no way should he be anywhere near kids, and wouldn't let mine anywhere near him as wouldn't want him to be thought of as a trusted adult.
Just hate the "must be a man" narrative on here when an opinion differs.

Cross posted - yes, this

So you're basically saying women don't /aren't capable of doing such heinous things because we're all poor little lambs without a mind of our own, must have been told to think that way by a man and too scared to say no etc?!
Load of shit, your attitude is disgusting as well.
Edited to say I'm aware coercive control exists etc, and it's awful, but to absolve women of ever doing anything wrong because "must be being abused" is 🙄

In fairness, that 'narrative' does have a history. To anyone who's been paying attention, the extent to which male rights activists have made a beeline for this site in recent years is very clear.

Their motivation isn't too difficult to guess: it's a site where mainly women congregate to discuss mainly issues which affect women. Not least, it's a space on the web where women organise themselves and where grass roots activism very often originates and takes place. Can't be having that, can we?

The MRAs are usually fairly obvious, and the threads that attract them like flies to a jam jar tend to be revealing of the kinds of men they are.

That's not to say that plenty of women are not more than eager to do the work of the partiarchy for it. Internalised misogyny is very real, and not all misogynists are necessarily men.

Well said.

The number of women who abuse children is vanishingly rare.

And comparing women who stay with abusers with abusers is wrong.

Completely agree.

grooming can be so sophisticated. I would not want my child in a social context anywhere near this man. This is a boundary worth holding to

(I used to be a child protection social worker).

It really isn’t. Less women are sentenced for abusing children that’s true, but a lot more women abuse children as to be “vanishingly rare,”. Not just sexual abuse, but physical abuse as well. There are plenty of those out there.

My do was seriously sexually abused by his mother, was taken into care partly because of it.

And it really isn’t a case of that the woman is being abused to abuse the child.

In fact we had our own paedophile on here some years back, when a MN’er befriended lots of child modelling parents and encouraged them to share their pictures on her website, only for her to pass them on to her boyfriend for doctoring and distribution. Funnily enough when she was outed in the media she never once claimed she was any kind of victim, but instead she fled the country.

Most paedophiles in the news are men, but it’s naive to think that women aren’t capable. they absolutely are.

This
makes for interesting reading. Admittedly some of it was done in the states, but actually, sexual crimes perpetrated by women are far more common that people think.

Ooh!

Touched a nerve?

I’m sorry if that happened to you but it does not make you the expert on every type of paedo and their behaviour patterns or Modus Operandi.

If you’ve been abused as you claim, you wouldn’t want ANY child to be exposed ever, or lead to believe that particular Dad is “safe”, which is the impression given if he’s at a party.

There will be many paedos on this site, getting kicks from reading about children or starting threads to get stories and anecdotes from parents to satisfy their various sick fetishes. Several threads about nappies, poo, first menstruation etc have been deleted in the past due to this.

So it should come as no surprise that some would take the chance on a thread like this to try to persuade parents reading that it’s ok to have them at parties as long as they (the parents) “ supervise their own kids”. Yeah right, sure that’s safe, Not.

@CurioushoneyYour posts are very odd. My Life is great thanks.

Thanks @SwingTheMonkey her posts were very odd and she mixed up who the replies were to.

Why not say “I don’t want the paedo near my house”. Just say it. It’s the reality. The wife of paedo Dad needs to be very clear that even if she has “forgiven” him, that op and society haven’t.

If you read down OP’s posts, she says in one of her updates it was reported in the local paper.

You can't dictate what other people do in their house unless i am reading what you said wrong

I keep thinking about this thread for some reason and the more I think on it the more disgusted I feel!
Why the flying fuck is a pedophile even in the position where he might rock up at a party full of 5 year old kids?!?
But even worse than that why is his own son being put at such a risk.. If the police and social services are aware you are a convicted nonce, why are you allowed access to your child.
And why when you realise that the mother of this little boy is a brainless bitch is she allowed to keep him, he really doesn’t stand a chance and I bet growing up a party invite is going to be the least of his problems.
Absolutely disgusted that this sort of stuff is allowed to happen!

Sorry but your responsibility is to your children not the other child. It may well be unfair and difficult for the other child but that isn’t your problem. No different to you being able to afford lots of toys for your children and another family not being able to afford any toys. It sucks but it is what it is and life isn’t fair.

Where are these parties held? Because you absolutely get to dictate who enters your home and a pedophile would not be entering mine. Because that’s what he is. And again someone on the sex offenders list shouldn’t be walking into soft play or any other children’s entertainment place!

All you can do is be honest with the mum, it’s a shitty situation for her and the child but she will have known all of that when she opted to stick by him/continue a relationship.

data protection coppers wont tell you anything about him regarding his conditions

At least you know about this man and can make sure he is never alone with your child. It's the other 20 who have not been caught yet that are your real problem.