Child's friend parent on sexual offender register

[springisspringing1]

I live in a smallish town - only one primary school and only one class per year. My DC is in reception. One of the children's fathers was found guilty of looking at child sex photographs and online grooming of a young teen girl. He is on the sexual offender register. The mother has retained a close relationship with the father (they may still be together - I don't know her well enough). We have kids' birthday parties all the time and eg when she hosts one, the father is likely to be there. I don't want my children near this man. I just don't. I think she's keen for him to be reintegrated into the (quite small) community. AIBU is, I suppose, to make it clear I don't want him to bring their child to my child's party? (I will just make an excuse for their party). Also - is this unfair on my child's friend (who is obviously only 4 too). This is not something that is going to go away -- and want to work out how to manage it now. Please be kind - I absolutely know it is not the mother or the child's fault.

Are you sure the wife is staying wifh him? If so, how?

How tf can you sleep with a man, knowing he is looking at pictures her children's ages.

She is sick also. And the alienation from other kids towards child will be because his mother is weak amd selfish.

Poor child. Better off with a new family!

I really dislike judgemental vigilante style approache

Are you for real? This man is a paedophile, of course I will judge.

It's because of people like you, and your warped sense of 'injustice' as to why being woke is seen as a slur.

You and your thoughts are vile. I WILL JUDGE A PAEDOPHILE. I HAVE EVERY RIGHT TO JUST A PAEDOPHILE!

You are literally insane, stupid and dangerous.

I'm absolutely appalled at some of the views on here. Paedophiles are utterly irredeemable and cannot be rehabilitated. The fact that so many are blasé at letting this man around is shocking. I'd be having a very blunt conversation with the mother ASAP to let her know your standing, that she and her child are always welcome but he is absofuckinglutely not. You don't know her circumstances and fair enough but I'd totally be side eyeing a woman who stays with her pervert husband.

Paedophiles do not change. I feel sorry for the child having such a pathetic mother. Women who allow convicted paedophiles to still have access to their child are as bad as the offenders. Sadly I speak from professional experience.

That's it. You're going to have to be really straight, Op so that there's no chance of crossed wires or this horrible man turning up - ever. If your dc get invited to his child's party tell the "mother" explicitly that you won't be attending if the "father" is present. He's also not welcome at any parties that you host. It's horrific, he could be abusing his own son.

Your children may interact with paedophiles all the time, they just haven't been caught yet or warrant anything to be arrested for. There are plenty around and unlike the USA we don't have an open register in the UK. The best thing you can do to safeguard your daughter is to make sure she's supervised properly at friends parties and in group settings. Chances are this man has conditions around interacting with minors so may not even be at the party. You're worrying too much and over thinking this and penalising your daughter and her friends in the process.

I have a few questions here.

Firstly, he is not definitely going to be there, OP has just said it's likely. But surely both parents would be too ashamed to have him there given that he's a convicted paedo and everyone knows it. Also if they had a shred of decency they would see how hugely inappropriate it would be for him to be present at a party full of kids, right? I'd say he gave up that right when he decided to be a nonce.

Secondly, if he is definitely going to be there then there's no way I would send my kid! All the people who are saying that it's ok as he wouldn't be alone with them are missing the point. I wouldn't even want the sicko to set eyes on my child. What would be going through his mind while he's watching all these kids?? And I'd also be wary of any photos that the kid's family are taking of the party...

Don't put the feelings of somebody else's child above the safety of yours, OP. Even if nothing untoward happens on the day, how do you know he's not looking at your child with a sinister agenda?

It might not be her choice to be honest.

I work with children and have been working closely with a family recently. Dad in a similar situation as your son’s friends dad and mum didn’t want him anywhere near (understandably). He took her to court and got unsupervised access 3 times a week. Now they’re amicable for the child’s sake but if she had it her way, dad wouldn’t be in the child’s life anymore.

I think some of the posters here need their hard drives checking.

Give him a chance? He won’t be alone with your child? You can’t exclude a child because his dad is a monster?

The only chance he’d have is to run faster than my car. People who commit CSA do not deserve second chances, they wouldn’t be near my children and the mother is as bad as he is if she’s willing and encouraging him to still integrate in society. Definitely smacks as a “oh it was a misunderstanding, it was already on the laptop when we bought it/he didn’t realise it was children/it was a computer virus.” Situation, you couldn’t pay me to spend one more day with a man life that and he’d have to fight like hell for contact with my children.

peadophiles can’t be rehabilitated, CSA is never a victimless crime even if he never touched a child, someone one did, and it would only be a matter of time before he progressed.

he deserves to be locked in a room on his own for the rest of time. Not going to kids parties.

The poor kid is going to need to get used to it because eventually all his school friends will know and he’ll forever be ‘the nonces kid’.

It’s absolutely not right and I feel for him (not enough to risk my child though) but she could have helped by removing the pervert and people would have forgot.

do better mums, stop feeling sorry for perverted men, treat them like the scum they are.

This poor kid

No she doesn't.

I don't believe these people can be rehabilitated.

If the child comes to the party what's to stop him coming in, hanging around, taking photos and videos?

Yes she can dictate who can bring the child to her house.

It will likely be one of the conditions of his licence

It was in the local paper of a small town so everyone knows and they will be aware of that. Do not sugar coat it, you clearly do not want a paedo in your home, you don't want to have to offer him a cup of tea and let him be near your child/all the other children because it's a sickening thought right???? So say it like it is, when we have a party and your child is invited please bring the child yourself? Do not send your sex offender husband? Also if she is still with a predator she is just as bad as him. Either way this will affect their child, maybe the predator should have thought of this in the first place! Its not your job to tolerate what you don't want to on behalf of these people. Offering a party invitation for the mum is kind, it's a horrible situation but protect your own first and foremost.

No way would I knowingly allow my child in the same building as a known nonce. I'd tell the mum straight the child can come to my childs party, but that the Dad cannot come anywhere near the party so she must be the one accompanying the child and that if Dad tries accompanying child they'll be turned away. I'd also tell her that if the Dads at her child's birthday party then your child won't be coming. Yes it absolutely sucks for that child and yes I feel sorry for the kid but nobody comes before my child for me.

If the child is invited to your party l would speak to the mother and asked her to bring the child, l am sure they must be ways of asking without saying l don't want the father to be there i.e ladies only

The Child Sex Offender Disclosure Scheme (CSODS) is often known as “Sarah’s Law” after Sarah Payne, the victim of a high-profile murder in 2000. The principle aim of this scheme is to provide parents, guardians, and carers with information that will enable them to better safeguard their children’s safety and welfare. It introduced the principle of a two-way disclosure by enabling the public to ask about the history of a person who has access to their child. The scheme was rolled out nationally in 2011 after working with Sarah’s parents to enable limited public access to information about registered sex offenders, often referred to as the “sex offenders’ register”.

I can see your pov and voted accordingly.
I wouldn't allow contact simply because you're the parent if an adult is allowed in your house then natural barriers are weakened....eg a few parties later and a few years it may send red flags if a stranger talks but not so much Mr Peabody who's little Jonny's dad. So I get it and would err on the side of caution. You might put your mind at rest by asking the police for disclosure (not sure about it but someone else may know if it's a possible).

I’d be looking to move. Eventually when memories start to fade, him and his wife will successfully minimize and he’ll be integrated back into the community. He’ll ruin children’s lives.

I’m actually amazed the peado hasn’t moved.

This is what I would have to do - it surely can't be a surprise to her that people would feel like this??

Then the kid doesn't get punished for her dad's actions but you can make it perfectly clear that you want nothing to do with him

Why not just say you don't want a convicted sez offender in your house or anywhere near your child? It's not exactly a controversial position to take.

So this man's offence was news locally, but he's still living there and everyone else in the village has just accepted this. That in itself is odd but sadly not unique. I would be very concerned that this man is still finding ways to be in the company of small children, which suggests he
sees nothing wrong with his conviction or he is determined to flout any licence conditions.

I would probably speak to the police, or even possibly to probation if yhe offence was fairly recent. The police will want to know that a convicted sex offender is still sniffing around children. This is how people like him get caught multiple times in possession of IIOC.

Go with him at parties and do not leave his sight? You won’t be the only one surely…

But then again, I would be a mean one and just distance myself…I am sorry, we are busy this week end 😔 I would feel bad for 5min and then forget about it. Is it bad? Yes. Does the mum of the kid knows what she is doing? Yes. So tough 😳

Any one of those other men could be a sex offender. You simply don't know. You do, however, know about this particular parent, which gives you the upper hand - forewarned is forearmed and all that. But please don't punish the child.

Support opportunities for a man who groomed a teenage girl and looked at child pornography.... 🤔 At a kiddie party.... Maybe he's not into 4 year olds and prefers pubescent girls with little breasts so the kiddies are ok.....

Fuck right off