Is my friend outrageously entitled in her expectations?

[MariadeiMiracoli]

I moved to my current town 18 years ago and got to know a woman renting a house on the cheap from a local who was off travelling. She was an interesting woman who'd given up her teaching job after a few years and gone travelling to SE Asia and South America, teaching English. Very laid back, getting by on benefits and subs from friends and family. Used to do a few hours at the local pub or shop for cash in hand and when she'd built up enough, buy an air ticket and take off to Hawaii or India for a month or two, picking up bar work or sleeping on the beach when she got there, always anticipating that someone would help her out.

About 12 years ago she met a man and moved in with him in Devon. It didn't work out and she ended up in a caravan and, when she turned 55, was housed in a flat in a 55+ development. But she's unhappy: there's noise, one of her neighbours drinks and plays music loud, another has serious MH issues. I visited her there a couple of years ago and thought it was actually rather nice: smart modern flat in a very desirable Devon town and no issues on the days I was there. I've said to her that even in the smartest private flats you can end up living next door to someone noisy but she says she's not prepared to put up with it.

She wants a bungalow with two bedrooms, so she can have a yoga/ meditation/ craft room. She wants a south-facing garden she can tend. It's got to be within walking distance of a decent town, but somewhere quiet and peaceful with a green outlook. And parking because she has a car. She's found a number of HAs (one here near me, where she used to live, one where she lives now and a third in the Bristol area) that have a tiny number of properties that fit her bill. All of them have been built for disabled people. She's been driving around inspecting them and knows precisely which ones she's after.

She's asked for my support to try and get one of her chosen properties in this area. I'm not sure what that will entail, but I suspect it'll involve spinning the truth to match the HA criteria. I've told her very clearly that I don't think there's any way she'll actually get one of these properties and she needs to compromise, but she says that if you don't ask firmly you don't get. Is this how it is now? I don't know what to make of it.

She sounds like a over entitled freeloader. Don't have anything to do with her HA application.

This. Expecting everyone else to fund her lifestyle.

Well if no lies are involved then I suppose it's ok.

If she is taking a property away from a disabled person that can't be be right, unless the HA don't have enough suitable people to rent to (seems unlikely) .

If you mean that she's going to pretend to be disabled and have you go along with that, then no. Absolutely not.

I'd just say again that you don't think she will qualify. Tell her to apply and see what happens. Tell her you're too busy to help or don't think there's anything you could do to assist. Tell her you think it's wrong.

I have a feeling that the HA's would want to see evidence of disability (medical info, PIP claim, Blue Badge) if these properties are set aside for purely disabled clients. I'm disabled myself and often have to provide proof for various reasons.

Just don’t get involved it’s seriously doubtful she will get an accessible property without any proof of disability

Without proof of disability it won't go anywhere.

If you want to help her, you could write a reference of whatever, but it will have to be true to the best of your knowledge. Is she disabled? Like you, I think it is almost impossible that this will work out. Two bed flats are unlikely to go to a single person.
Also she still might get noisy neighbours, and some of the residents may have MH problems.

She's a lifelong freeloader, she will never change. Honestly, I'd be wary of her coming to live near you because she'll see you as just another source to sponge from.

Without proof of disability she won’t get anywhere. She’d need to be on disability benefits or have proof she needs a carer to get the second bedroom. She’s probably hoping you’ll play along and be the “carer.0 which is fraud btw. Not worth getting involved.

As an avid traveller in my younger years I met a lot of people like this, usually men, and I’ve often wondered what happens to them when they hit 50 or 60 and the backpacking lifestyle doesn’t suit them anymore. The ones I met appeared to have laid zero foundations for old age. It’s risky and short-sighted although they seemed very happy at the time. I would be sympathetic to your friend but I absolutely wouldn’t help her fraudulently claim an apartment meant for disabled people.

@MariadeiMiracoli what does she live on? How is the rent paid?

I strongly doubt she's got a chance in hell of getting a two-bed property intended for a disabled person when she's single and able-bodied, and I would be strongly inclined to tell her to fuck off.

If she needs help filling in/printing off/understanding the form, by all means help. But it sounds like she wants you to lie on the form which is fraud. There is also a huge waiting list for properties suitable for disabled people. These are a finite resource. If she takes one, someone else doesn't get one. If she is not disabled ask her to explain to you exactly why she thinks she should have one and a person with genuine disabilities should wait.

Exactly

Spent a life coasting, still wants more...

Just don’t get involved. We get loads of these sorts down in Devon and Cornwall. Have been off freewheeling through life for decades, picking a bit of fruit here, selling some hemp bracelets and incense at a festival there, doing the van life thing, and now times are harder and they want somewhere to pitch up, but it has to come with all these requirements, sea view and close to the beach, nice sunsets, dog friendly, free electric and water, etc. A lot of people are ageing out of that lifestyle and especially with cost of living, it’s not easy to have no safety net and to be too old for seasonal grafting. I personally would just nod and say good luck. But don’t get involved.

As someone who part bought a property designed for disabled people I highly doubt she will get one without significant medical evidence.

We had to provide evidence of all diagnosis of medical conditions on NHS headed paper, NHS OT reports and disability reports before we could even be considered to part buy a house built for families with a disabled person in it. All the local authority disability houses in my area were allocated to families with children who had a disability or who had a parent with one. They can't allocated disability houses to people that don't need them.

I’d say nothing but decline assisting with her housing situation in any way.

How does a person assist in these cases anyway ? Are you just helping in a “friend” capacity or do you actually have a connected profession that she’s relying on?

And to answer your question yes she is entitled. I’m sure we could find some profound piece of learning in relation to “ reaping what you sow” that would be applicable in this situation.

Good on her. The benefits system encourages you to grab what you can. If a million people per year from overseas can play the game, why not her?

Why would you want a 'friend' like her?

She sounds unrealistic rather than entitled. But then you appear not to like her very much so I guess you'll see whatever she does in a negative light.

She's not going to be considered for a two bedroom place so she's wasting her time. She'd be better off finding a one bedroom with nicer neighbours with scope to divide either the living room or bedroom so she can have a separate space for her hobbies. I don't see how you getting involved in the application would change anything, unless you're an MP or such.

There are so many people playing the system and she’s just one more. The problem is, it’s hard to respect or like people like this. I feel for you. You find her interesting, she’s unusual, but there’s a drawback to her lack of honesty, which leaves a bad taste in your mouth. If it were me I’d have to refuse to help, and explain I’m not comfortable with dishonesty.

This. I used to work in housing and properties suitable for those with disabilities are always in low supply and high demand.

In my life, I have noticed a high overlap between benefit freeloading and 'alternative free spirit types'. They are all perfectly capable of work but do somehow feel entitled to no work and take the money from those who do.

If I was in your shoes op I think I would keep in touch with this woman just to satisfy my own curiosity about how things work out for her.
BUT, I would also swerve and dodge, duck and dive, make sure I never actually do anything or put myself out or expend any effort to help her.