Is my friend outrageously entitled in her expectations?

[MariadeiMiracoli]

I moved to my current town 18 years ago and got to know a woman renting a house on the cheap from a local who was off travelling. She was an interesting woman who'd given up her teaching job after a few years and gone travelling to SE Asia and South America, teaching English. Very laid back, getting by on benefits and subs from friends and family. Used to do a few hours at the local pub or shop for cash in hand and when she'd built up enough, buy an air ticket and take off to Hawaii or India for a month or two, picking up bar work or sleeping on the beach when she got there, always anticipating that someone would help her out.

About 12 years ago she met a man and moved in with him in Devon. It didn't work out and she ended up in a caravan and, when she turned 55, was housed in a flat in a 55+ development. But she's unhappy: there's noise, one of her neighbours drinks and plays music loud, another has serious MH issues. I visited her there a couple of years ago and thought it was actually rather nice: smart modern flat in a very desirable Devon town and no issues on the days I was there. I've said to her that even in the smartest private flats you can end up living next door to someone noisy but she says she's not prepared to put up with it.

She wants a bungalow with two bedrooms, so she can have a yoga/ meditation/ craft room. She wants a south-facing garden she can tend. It's got to be within walking distance of a decent town, but somewhere quiet and peaceful with a green outlook. And parking because she has a car. She's found a number of HAs (one here near me, where she used to live, one where she lives now and a third in the Bristol area) that have a tiny number of properties that fit her bill. All of them have been built for disabled people. She's been driving around inspecting them and knows precisely which ones she's after.

She's asked for my support to try and get one of her chosen properties in this area. I'm not sure what that will entail, but I suspect it'll involve spinning the truth to match the HA criteria. I've told her very clearly that I don't think there's any way she'll actually get one of these properties and she needs to compromise, but she says that if you don't ask firmly you don't get. Is this how it is now? I don't know what to make of it.

If she's never really lived in a conventional way or participated in the "system", then it may be that, like a teenager who has never paid a bill, she genuinely just doesn't get that there are people waiting in much greater need and this isn't a case of unlimited accommodation for whoever can get in first. She might not realise how many truly vulnerable people there are and how few homes.

When you apply for social housing outside your locality, you need to have some connection there, like relatives or friends living there or work there.

There's a HA/council swap site online called homeswapper that she can put her flat on and get a swap. Don't lie for her or help her get the place she wants. Not your problem so don't get involved. She sounds like she's manipulative and sly enough to do it all on her own anyway.

Yes, or she might have been out of the country and not known how much things have changed due to so much council housing being sold off.

pleade don’t do this….

Don't get involved

Not to condone her behaviour at all but I kind of wonder if it’s this - bcos it’s so absurd she could even think she’d be eligible for that kind of housing that it almost makes me think there’s something seriously missing here with her - yes shes anti establishment & resists any responsibilities & has literally no idea what she’s talking about. Doesn’t know how the system works now & has not been here or part of any system being always on the fringes. Like she sees that she’s been given housing in a flat already for free & literally thinks if she asks for a bungalow she might just get one. Like dangerously naive & the universe will provide type nonsense. Either way it’s a total disregard for those that really needs them & incredibly selfish. It’s so preposterous is what I’m saying. Prob a v clever, manipulative CF but it could be a possibility.

In some areas +55 properties are easier to get allocated because most people by this age have their own homes. The only qualification usually is a qualifying residency period of 4 years. Not all +55 homes are for people living with disabilities.

They probably went back to "normal" life, found a woman with a home and a decent job and moved in with her.

I'm sorry @MistressoftheDarkSide that doesn't surprise me, but it saddens me on your behalf.

OP, do tell her about https://www.homeswapper.co.uk/, https://www.houseexchange.org.uk/ & various Facebook groups that allow people to swop social housing. She stands a better option here than cheating the system.

I think we’d all like one of those properties - why should a lazy entitled freeloader be given it? She lucky to have flat she’s got

I’d be reporting her as a benefits cheat.

OP didn't actually mention she was a benefit fraud though . If she isn't working full time or above a certain wage she probably may be entitled to UC.

@MariadeiMiracoli don't lie for her. Tell her to get someone at CAB or somewhere to help her fill in the forms. She is unlikely to get a disabled housing place for MH needs alone . Supported housing, maybe, but that's often short term if it's for MH. Don't lie for her and make out she is physically more disabled than she is, they'll see through her right away.