Is my friend outrageously entitled in her expectations?

[MariadeiMiracoli]

I moved to my current town 18 years ago and got to know a woman renting a house on the cheap from a local who was off travelling. She was an interesting woman who'd given up her teaching job after a few years and gone travelling to SE Asia and South America, teaching English. Very laid back, getting by on benefits and subs from friends and family. Used to do a few hours at the local pub or shop for cash in hand and when she'd built up enough, buy an air ticket and take off to Hawaii or India for a month or two, picking up bar work or sleeping on the beach when she got there, always anticipating that someone would help her out.

About 12 years ago she met a man and moved in with him in Devon. It didn't work out and she ended up in a caravan and, when she turned 55, was housed in a flat in a 55+ development. But she's unhappy: there's noise, one of her neighbours drinks and plays music loud, another has serious MH issues. I visited her there a couple of years ago and thought it was actually rather nice: smart modern flat in a very desirable Devon town and no issues on the days I was there. I've said to her that even in the smartest private flats you can end up living next door to someone noisy but she says she's not prepared to put up with it.

She wants a bungalow with two bedrooms, so she can have a yoga/ meditation/ craft room. She wants a south-facing garden she can tend. It's got to be within walking distance of a decent town, but somewhere quiet and peaceful with a green outlook. And parking because she has a car. She's found a number of HAs (one here near me, where she used to live, one where she lives now and a third in the Bristol area) that have a tiny number of properties that fit her bill. All of them have been built for disabled people. She's been driving around inspecting them and knows precisely which ones she's after.

She's asked for my support to try and get one of her chosen properties in this area. I'm not sure what that will entail, but I suspect it'll involve spinning the truth to match the HA criteria. I've told her very clearly that I don't think there's any way she'll actually get one of these properties and she needs to compromise, but she says that if you don't ask firmly you don't get. Is this how it is now? I don't know what to make of it.

She’s a lazy loser, expecting life handed to her on a plate.
step back, play dumb and do nothing to help her

She won’t listen to reason from you

I work for LA in the housing dept- she would struggle to use you to prove her local connection to the area if she is moving out of her local authority. She would need to provide proof of residence for a close family member (parent, sibling, child). Friends won’t be accepted

Surely it's rented, not free? No social housing in this country is free. Housing associations tend to have quite high rents.

She is entirely funded by benefits: hasn't worked formally and paid NI for much of her adult life. So it's free for her. I don't know what benefits she's on or why. It's just not something she talks about. She was on benefits when we met 18 years ago, she's on them now and that's all I know.

If you'd suggested this to me a month ago I wouldn't have believed it. But after some of our more recent conversations I think you may be quite accurate. And that, presumably, is why she's on benefits.

I knew a 'hippy' couple, married with kids. Got a council house when it was a lot easier. Exchanged to a village so that there were no job opportunities, no transport. They had an old banger that they drove to town once a week to get shopping. Didn't work after that. Had no intention of working beyond craft stuff at summer festivals. For some its a lifestyle they are happy with and in those days easy enough to do. The OPs friend probably still thinks it's doable today, if acquaintances in the past on 'the circuit' lived their lives that way. There will probably be 200 on the list for those bungalows. Having enough points to get a 2 bed as a single person won't be easy. She would only have a shout if it was undesirable.

Nothing wrong with wanting. It’s up to her HA if she’s eligible for one

She's a typical hippy grifter. Expects everything on a plate. Here's the interesting bit, that she won't tell you about directly. She's got assets and probably a private income. But she'll never admit to that because it would mean she couldn't legally claim dhss and it would mean she'd been ripping everyone off for her whole life. Steer well fucking clear. You are her next mark,as in victim. Never trust a fake hippy.

Someone else sponging off the tax payers back - couldn't be bothered to work and pay for a life and now expects me to pay for it! I am sooo sick of it.

Anyways ref the bungalow, they're normally saved for people with physical disabilities, wouldnt she be better to find a different flat where she is? The warden should be managing loud music etc so has she even raised the issue? If she hadn't noone will look to move her anyway.

Bungalows are in short supply, in some areas none have been built for years.

The disabled already have to complete with the elderly for such accomodation & I'd hope that no one with any compassion would support another person in taking one from someone with no other options.

I live in an M4 (2) house, aka one built with the ability to add a lift or stairlift etc with ease due to how it was built. My specific needs mean a lift won't work for me. For the first time in 30 years five bungalows are being built in my town. One is (hopefully) being built with my needs in mind.

The other poor sods in my town will be fighting over them. Everyone with even a minor walking issue thinks they need one & will bid. Most of them could use an alternative option.

Unless your area builds whole estates of bungalows as far as the eye can see then she is not a nice human being.

Don't assist in screwing up the lives of others just so this person can have a yoga room.

Disability is the only minority you can join at anytime of life remember.

Oh & most benefits stop after four weeks out of the country, so your friend either has permission for medical reasons or such like, or is committing fraud.

Oh & I'm several years into my wait simply to access a bedroom & a shower. So many disabled people have long waits. I couldn't assist someone in cheating the system as she wants. She won't qualify on the grounds stated.

I live in an adapted property which is a council house due to my son suddenly becoming disabled and our old privately rented property deemed unsuitable for his needs. We were incredibly lucky and were only waiting for a month before the property came up and we had to provide lots of evidence including my son's OT and Physio going to our old property and actually seeing for themselves it was unsuitable so they could write evidence to support it. The LA also had a conversation with the hospital my son was at because he couldn't be discharged without suitable housing.

She can want something all she likes but she isn't going to get it.

This. If they are built for disabled people obviously they should get them.

I would be inclined to point out to her that she is lucky to have landed a place at all and to not be living in her car, as many women of her age are now.

It is a pity we don't all mature as we get older, and it seems as if she has not yet realised her actual circumstances and what brought her there, and how much worse it all could be. Not your job to counsel her on this. She sounds demanding and unreasonable.

She's always been this gentle-hippy-chick type: easy going, peace and love to the world. But when it comes to a two-bed bungalow, she's prepared to elbow someone disabled out of the way if she can. It's opened my eyes to how essentially different our values are.

It's pretty ugly behaviour, and shows low self-insight and compassion for others - which to me are all round bad indicators.

Mm, the sort of property she is after are really reserved for those with physical disabilities, she is going to have a damn long wait for one to be available for mental health issues.

I've met people like this and yes it seems wonderful, floating through life, 'something will turn up', going where the breeze and the mood takes you.. but the reality is, you can't live like that forever and it will bite you on the arse if you think otherwise.

What a stupid thing to say. Let's all grab what we can from the benefits system because that's just free money and we (the taxpayers) don't have to fund it, do we? Besides, your racism is showing.

The HA won't be interested in her yoga, I work for one. They'll be looking for people with a two bedroom need such as a disabled person with family member or a disabled person needing overnight care. To get the latter she would need proof of her disability and proof of her care needs and no professional would write that if its not true. They won't give credence to letters from friends either. I would go the other way and tell the HA what she is like and what a freeloader she is.
People like her are the cause of why there are so many disabled people stuck in unsuitable accomodation.

It is if she's trying to claim she has a non existent disability, so a genuine person gets shoved further down list.

Be interesting when she gets to retirement age and she has nt paid the required 30 whatever years NI! 😳

You have mentioned quite a lot of outing information about this woman who is supposedly a “friend”.

You have mentioned that she’s done volunteer work, helped you when you needed her, borrowed money and paid it back and doesn’t seem to have done anything that really warrants you posting about her and mentioning she has claimed benefits in every post!
This is clearly just to wind people up about benefits and I don’t think your friend deserves it.

If she has spent a lot of time out of the country I doubt she can work in a steady secure job as it’s unfair to employers. It sounds like she’s claimed benefits and done volunteer work to offset that by working for free.

I suspect you are jealous of her free spirit lifestyle and you are annoyed about her claiming benefits she was obviously entitled to. Have you been reading other threads similar to this and getting sucked in?

At least make your post transparent and that it’s a benefit bashing post.
It’s not at all likely anyone without (or even with at the moment) a disability will give a list of requirements and get given a disabled access property, I’m sure you know that though.

If this woman who hasn’t really done anything wrong comes across this post and reads hateful comments towards her from people who haven’t a clue about her lifestyle and reasons for choosing it, I think it’s unfair.
You say she doesn’t have a disability so she isn’t claiming PIP, she didn’t have housing in the past so wouldn’t have received housing costs, it’s likely she had a few quid a week to scrape by off from ESA and did unpaid work!
If she was claiming money every time she came back from travelling she’d have to do a new claim and the government don’t just hand it out if you say you don’t want to work either.

I wish people would question these threads and the intentions behind them. Not everyone lives life the same way. This woman presumably doesn’t have kids? So she’s never had maternity leave, child benefits, she’s not had holiday pay from work or sick pay, she’s probably had less from the government then some people commenting on here but their way seems more legitimate as it’s “the done thing”.

If you don’t want to assist your friend OP then you can say no, you don’t have to make a post questioning all her choices and try to imply she’ll be taking a disabled person’s housing from them and kicking them out on the street.

I am disabled and I wouldn’t even try to rent to get any HA or council properties because I know how difficult it is. I know full well I couldn’t just make up a list of demands and ask my best friend to vouch for me, the very idea is ridiculous 😂.

Whatever you decide...dont let her move in with you!

@MariadeiMiracoliCould she just be very deluded? If she’s a free spirit/hippie/easy life kind of a person she doesn’t sound very grounded. Is it a question of ask the universe & it will be given type of philosophy that she believes in? In a way I too can admire (fleetingly) pple who live very differently & have the guts to travel & live life on their own terms. It will be interesting to see how she tries to procure this bungalow for sure & strange how she expects you to help her in this regard. Hippie manifesting good things from the universe or an entitled CF?? She certainly sounds like she believes she’s entitled to one when she’s far from it which is why she just sounds out of touch with reality (or perhaps a complete chancer). Either way to believe she deserves one over seriously disabled pple is plain wrong & bonkers imo. Makes me thing there’s something missing??

Step away.