Giving lifts after work

[ChubbyForensics]

Bit of background I’m 50 years old not sleeping enough due to waking in the night as a symptom of perimenopause

I work full time and leave the house at 7.10 am to drive to work it’s a 45 minute drive.

I struggle with fatigue so when I get home at 4.45 I have a nap until 6.30, this is enough to keep me going and able to hold down full time job.

Now for the AIBU part.

A colleague asked me for a lift somewhere she goes on a Friday. It’s a slightly longer route for me and I have to pull off the main road to park so it adds on 20 minutes to half an hour. When it was once a week I didn’t mind it was a good chance to catch up.

now this has turned into everyday Monday to Friday It’s adding extra time and miles and we sometimes argue / debate strongly so it’s not very relaxing I can tell I get on her nerves now it’s everyday. I’m getting home later and struggling to do things after work.

The assumption is I will automatically give her a lift she waits by my car. She has started monitoring if I’m in and texts me before I finish with where are you etc as she finishes slightly earlier than me.

AIBU to tell her I can only do it on Fridays? She would need to get two buses otherwise. I depleted by this and think it’s tipping the balance and making me more fatigued.

If be honest, tbh I can't do this everyday. I can't afford the petrol and it's interrupting my own evening plans

This - I used to pull off at a convenient roundabout to drop my friend in a shopping area from where she would walk the rest of the way and I could rejoin the road from the roundabout. It was barely an inconvenience for me but she was so grateful and never acted entitled to a lift.

Aside from the CF, have you explored HRT for your fatigue and sleep?

I would stop the lifts all together, look after you .

You've been driving 2 hours out of your way per week and she didn't even offer petrol money!? You've done the right thing

Yes I’m on HRT evorel patches but I may ask to change brand due to the night waking

Yes it’s a slightly longer route and I need to park on a side street by the time I get home the traffic has built up plus she doesn’t always get out of the car straight away

pm only and no offer of petrol money

Thanks for your comment
she definitely asks for lifts I didn’t suggest it. She asked which way I drive home and could I drop her off on a Friday originally I said I could take an alternate route and do that. Then it changed to every day.
I have adjusted my attitude towards her from people pleasing / wanting to help as I realised I do have that attitude as I would towards a friend
but I don’t think the feeling is mutual so I will need to be mindful not to slip back into that pattern

She did seem bit shitty today at one point and I felt uncomfortable after chatting with her
so will see how it goes I can avoid her if necessary

Interested to see how it goes tomorrow OP. Stick to your guns

Try taking magnesium glysinate. I recommend this one

https://amzn.eu/d/aI2TsK7

The least she can do is offer to pay petrol
Adding 1/2 hour to your journey every day l would not do.

Stick to your guns OP. If she wants to be off with you just pretend to not notice. She sounds like a massive CF. Taking multiple buses is not a pleasant daily commute for anyone so I'm not surprised she'd rather sit in your nice comfy car for free.

In my experience some non-drivers (not all, but definitely some) can tend to be somewhat entitled to lifts. Perhaps because they don't drive they don't realise what a faff it is to drive 10 mins out of the way, but actually once you've found somewhere safe to stop, let them out, turned the car around and driven 10 mins back that's easily an extra half an hour on your journey home.

You should also be on progesterone tabs with your oestrogen patch (toprotect against endometrial cancer - taking prog tabs at night sends you into a wonderful unbroken sleep. That was the most significant part of HRT for me.

This is great

Lots of people take the bus. Just tell her you can no longer take these side trips.

I wouldn't do it at all, the fact she's never given you anything for petrol says it all

I use to do stuff like this all the time and people would always take advantage,
you don’t need to do it only Fridays just don’t do it at all anymore.
lie and say you are looking after your friends cat whilst she is away for a month and have to go to her house, which is out of way. After a month she will get use to finding her own way home

Like you're her own private taxi service, that is also free! I do hope you are able to extricate yourself completely from this unwanted obligation asap. Fuck even doing the Fridays, when you are probably most in need of a rest.

Hey Op if you are night waking …
it’s rubbish. Yes this lady is a CF

OP - her response was just "OK, that's fine"??? No "thanks" attached? Withdraw all lifts right now. Rudeness and ingratitude are unforgivable.

Well done you for biting the bullet and putting a stop to Mon-Thursday. Personally, I wouldn't be doing Friday either. It's one thing being nice and helping her out in an emergency, it's another thing to become responsible for getting her to whatever she is doing regularly.

Just to share for moral support - I once got drawn into a car share with someone at work who lived close by (so didn't add more than 5 mins to my journey). I presumed she'd drive one week and I'd drive the next and it would help to save some money. Wrong. Turns out, she didn't have a car and the 'car share' was her sharing my car. At first I did it because I felt bad but when she started to tell me about her house renovations and holidays I realised I was helping to fund that... so I soon put a stop to it. I valued my quiet time on the commute more than the couple of pounds she offered to give me. Even though, as a people pleaser, I found it hard and awkward.

Some people will take advantage if you let them. I'm glad you haven't let this person continue to do so!

Also - totally agree with this!!!

Stop in way home with her and get petrol. Ask her to pay for it,

and stop giving this selfish lazy entitled cf woman lifts.