Giving lifts after work

[ChubbyForensics]

Bit of background I’m 50 years old not sleeping enough due to waking in the night as a symptom of perimenopause

I work full time and leave the house at 7.10 am to drive to work it’s a 45 minute drive.

I struggle with fatigue so when I get home at 4.45 I have a nap until 6.30, this is enough to keep me going and able to hold down full time job.

Now for the AIBU part.

A colleague asked me for a lift somewhere she goes on a Friday. It’s a slightly longer route for me and I have to pull off the main road to park so it adds on 20 minutes to half an hour. When it was once a week I didn’t mind it was a good chance to catch up.

now this has turned into everyday Monday to Friday It’s adding extra time and miles and we sometimes argue / debate strongly so it’s not very relaxing I can tell I get on her nerves now it’s everyday. I’m getting home later and struggling to do things after work.

The assumption is I will automatically give her a lift she waits by my car. She has started monitoring if I’m in and texts me before I finish with where are you etc as she finishes slightly earlier than me.

AIBU to tell her I can only do it on Fridays? She would need to get two buses otherwise. I depleted by this and think it’s tipping the balance and making me more fatigued.

@LadyChillT are services available for any MN to rent? I can think of a few DMs I need to send.
You could make a fortune!!!

just shout "fuck off!" whenever you see her.

Stop the lifts completely. Just say what you’ve said here - you’re having problems with fatigue and want to get home earlier. She’s an absolute cheeky fucker.

"Sorry but I don't have 3 hours a week spare to be driving you about"

Is there a train station on your actual way home you can drop her off at that works out quicker

I absolutely can't stand CF who rely on others to ferry them around. I used to have a work colleague who didn't drive and who always use me to take them to work social events etc. They really started to take the piss, and the expectation that I would be the one taking them, firming up plans with other people before even speaking to me. In the end I had to put a stop to it. They lived about 20 minutes away from the office in the other direction to my home, so they weren't even on my way.

I have currently had to pull away from a friend as even though they can drive, they refuse to get a car (due to the cost) since they moved from a big city into our small out of the way village (everyone has a car here), and they absolutely can afford it. "No no I don't need a car, I can get everywhere I need to". Then 2 weeks later asking me to take them to a certain shop and then again to pick an order up. Oh no - I don't think so, boils my piss.

These people do this all of the time, they don't give a shit of how much it impacts the person doing it. You have every right to say no - this doesn't work for me.

I wouldn't be offering a lift even once a week! I would just tell her straight that it's adding too much time to your drive home and you're not prepared to keep giving her a lift after this week. You are doing her a huge favour for nothing in return.

I actually had a similar scenario once - started a new job and was getting two buses to work each day. A colleague lived in the same direction and offered me a lift home one evening. However, we found it added 30 mins to her commute time so she politely explained that she wouldn't be prepared to offer any further lifts. I was in complete agreement - I would feel embarrassed to continue accepting lifts knowing that the person was going out of the way for me!

Are her initials SKS?
Sounds like someone I used to work with, and we lived about 45 mins drive from the office.
Only difference is I doubt she is in the office 5 days a week

You can just tell her the truth - she’s too far out of the way and it’s taking you an extra half an hour to get home every night, so it’s really not working for you at all.

^Do you want to get in and come as far as the bus stop this once?^

Don't even do this. She is using you and the sooner you offload her the sooner you will be rid of her.

You are not her mother.

You have a couple of options.

1. Be honest and say you want to go straight home and no lift is available. She might get the hump and no longer speak to you, which can be either a positive or negative.
2. Be honest and say you want to go straight home but are willing to drop her off at where you would otherwise turn off
3. Little lie and say you now have a gym class/random commitment after work and do not have time to be her chauffer.

How does she get home afterwards? Why did she volunteer to do this knowing she couldn't easily get there?

I wouldn't want to give her a lift at all and I'm afraid her messages asking where you are after work would drive me demented.

Put a stop to it, completely OP. It’s causing disruption to your life.

Have I missed a post, Does the CF really argue with OP?

Glad you have said no more, OP!

In the first post it says “we sometimes argue”

what a cheeky cow, i had this years ago started as odd lift then expected, i was off ill a few days when i came back to work they expected it again, i said sorry got to visit a relation in other direction they are ill, load of rubbish but it got me out of it

This is going to sound unfeeling but I would never be someone's regular lift (even just once a week) if it took me out of my way like that. It's an unnecessary tie and it sounds like it's increasing your fatigue and making balancing life more difficult. I would explain that you can't do it anymore

Hope thats the end of it OP.

Was at college 3 days a week.
Met someone from same town (will call her Lisa) and she asked if I could pick her up and drop off.
I said yes but from the supermarket carpark.
After the first week I went to pick her up as usual and she had a friend with her.
She just said this is Marie and she needs a lift to college twice a week.
I said hi,no reply.
Third week at college and I'm at my desk and Lisa shouts across the room..by the way Jan needs a lift with us tonight.
Next day I went to pick up as usual and all 3 are waiting for a lift .
They moaned as they got in my car because they wanted to finish their cigs and I said no smoking.
So for a couple of more weeks I put up with them and the rudeness of Jan and Marie never speaking to me and there was certainly no mention of money.
Just me and Lisa on way home and as I drove to the shop she says oh sorry forgot I am going to my friends so can you drop me there...about 3 miles away.
I.d had enough.
Stopped the car and said no you are getting out here ,I am not a taxi for you and your friends but you would have to pay for a flipping taxi.
She said If its about money I can give you a £1.
I replied no not doing lifts anymore and I didn't ...she did ask again a few weeks later.

@cleanasawhistle omg that is so cheeky!!!!

Tell her sorry no more lifts as I’m not busy after work going in a different direction.

Tell her sorry no more lifts as I’m not busy after work going in a different direction.

@cleanasawhistle that is appalling!
I was lucky enough to have someone who did a drive with three others of us.
We paid for the petrol as the three passengers. Got picked up and dropped off near the motorway so the driver didn’t have to go out of his way.
Some of my happiest memories in that car for a year we had an absolute ball. No smoking but a lot of music and snacks.
We were only 20 though.
But to have that and be offered £1. The CF!!!

your going 30 mins out of your way evry day?

sod that. Tell CF to get their own car

Your health is a priority and long term fatigue isn’t conducive to feeling well. Hope all goes well and she doesn’t make things tricky going forward.

I wouldn’t do it full stop other than an occasional lift. I also suffer from fatigue through weakening. Lack of sleep is a torture technique! It really is dangerous to drive in that state.

Its immaterial to the advice but just an indication of the CFery and entitlement us she even offering to pay you? This is an extra 30mins am and night 5 days a week? 5 hrs driving her?

Just say No can do.

She needs to get a car or a new job.

Even worse she is poor company.

Well done OP as it can be really difficult to stand up for ourselves sometimes!