Daughter to get ensuite bathroom.

[Rhudson1992]

My husband and myself are set to purchase a 4 bedroom 3 bath home, the fist level having the primary suite and attached bath, and the 2nd and 3rd bedroom with hall bath. The 2nd level has 1 bedroom with attached bathroom and a small searing area just outside the bedroom. My original plan was to put daughter (4) in the upstairs bedroom and use the living space as a playroom of sorts. That would mean my stepson (12) would stay in 1 of the 2 bedrooms on the lower level with the hall bath.
Stepson has decided its unfair that he not get his own bathroom. My though was he is sooner to be coming and going on his own than daughter and is no longer in need of the extra play area as he is involved in activites outside the home. I also see it that a developing girl (down the line) might like more privacy from her brother and his friends.

Would it be unreasonable to put her upstairs and him downstairs?

Unfortunately , I think that OP’s stepson is unlikely to have this view.
In his mind , his four year old sister will get the ‘best’ room with an en-suite bathroom and he as a 12 year old is expected to stay on the same floor as Op and his dad.
If you ask him why you think that the decision has been made , I am almost certain that he would say that it is because he is OP’s SS and she is favouring her biological child
Op should be glad that she even posted this on MN as it has given her the opportunity to reflect on her decision
Tbh, I agree with other posters. Op has already made the decision to allocate the ‘best’ room to her dd and has just come on MN to get support f.

4 yo in same floor as you, and the 12 yo gets their own space upstairs. Makes no sense to give the room with privacy to a pre schooler rather than an almost teenager.

You need the 4 yo within earshot for supervision, not the teen.

The teen you will be quite glad to have out of earshot, esp when they have sleepovers.

The 4 yo, it’s almost quite dangerous to have them up there with their own bathroom, to which they have unsupervised access.

Rather than this necessarily, I think it makes a difference how much time SS spends in the household. If he's there a lot of the time then his bedroom needs are as if he was OP's son. But if he is not there much then most of his stuff will be at his mum's and most of his socialising will also be at his mum's so he wouldn't necessarily need as much space at dad's. That being said I would still probably prefer young daughter in a room closer to me either way. And the seating area could be more of a family snug.

Clearly clearly the 12 year old goes on the top floor. He needs privacy as e grows up. Dear god do they get noisy! He also needs study space, space to hang with friends etc.. The 4 year old goes on the same floor as you so you have oversight. By the time she is 10 and starts needing teen space the stepson will be moving / moved out.

This smacks heavily of favouring your daughter over stepson, give your head a wobble!

A 4 year old girl needing privacy above a 12 year old boy needing privacy is equally ridiculous and OP has been called out on that too.

If you have 2 bio kids and give the 4yo girl 2 rooms plus en-suite the 12 yo boy will assume his sister the favourite. Especially if you say “but in 8 years time when she is the exact age you are now she will need privacy”. Because he’s a step then the assumption is he’s the least favourite because he’s a step. If it’s not a step issue then it is a favoutism issue. It can’t be neither - nobody gives a 4yo unsupervised access to an en suite 2 floors above the main living space for practical reasons.

This is bonkers logic. You think a 12 yo needs kept an eye on more than a 4 yo? You clearly don't trust DSS. You supposedly want to give a 4 yo more privacy (lol) whilst invading the privacy of DSS ('within earshot'). Crazy.

PS - perfectly fine to say there’s a swap when he goes to Uni, which will be when she’s around the age he is now

If OP’s step son didn’t live with them permanently , she would have mentioned it in her opening post

This

It sounds like it. In which case I think SS in ensuite room until 18.

You may soon be grateful to have dss using an ensuite bathroom. By the time your dd would benefit he will probably have moved out. She can use 4th bedroom as a playroom,

Well put.

You'd have to be a fucking nutter to leave a 4 year old alone on the top floor with their own bathtub. Best case it's a flood waiting to happen, worst case it's a drowning.

Completely agree

Does stepson live with you full time? 50/50? 2 night a month?

Stepson will be an adult by the time your daughter starts to need privacy from stepson and friends. I'm not saying the daughter shouldn't have the upstairs space. But I'm not exactly following the logic why she need sit more than a teenager.

I'm with you OP on this one. You do not know when the time will come when a girl needs the extra privacy, the age can vary.

Well in OP's words she wants to keep DSS and his friends within earshot, over keeping 4yo DD within earshot. I suppose now you can add a misguided sense that a 12 yo and his friends need monitored and spied on more closely than a 4 yo?

You're really clutching at straws in your defence of the obvious. As PP have said if DSS was OP's biological son there is no way she would be suggesting giving 4 yo the old the top floor. To believe otherwise is utterly foolish.

I think this is really unfair. I have a step child and a bio son of similar age to OP’s SS. There is no way l would want him and his mates alone on the top floor of the house until he’s a bit older and more responsible. We all know our own kids best and for myself l would be more inclined to put them both on the lower floor with the hallway bathroom until the boy was a little older.

Why do you need to keep an eye on him and his friends any more than you need to keep an eye on your daughter?

And surely if you see this as an issue for a teenager, it's an issue whichever one of them has the room.

You're not exactly going to give your daughter that room until she's a teenager and then move her downstairs so you can 'keep an eye on her' are you? (I can imagine how well that would turn out!)

I feel like you maybe have some odd ideas going on about needs of boys vs girls.

They will both benefit from the space and privacy of the upstairs room in their teenage years.

I would definitely give son the top floor now, on the proviso that when the younger one turns 13 she will move into it and he will move downstairs if still living at home.

It will fit nicely because in 6 years time when he's becoming an adult, she will be getting to the age where she'll benefit from it.

yep... 4 year old nearest to me and SS on top floor.

I’d want the 4 year old near me and I wouldn’t want her to have access to water unsupervised.

I think the 4 year old should be near you. I wouldn't want a 4 year old on a different floor with an ensuite bathroom. You say you want the DSS near you so you can keep an eye on him and his friends but don't seem bothered that it would be harder to keep an eye on the 4 year old.
The 4 year old needs to be on the same floor as you. She does not need an ensuite bathroom at that age.
Then you can decide whether your DSS has the other room on your floor or goes upstairs. This could be on the understanding that he has the room upstairs until he is 18 when your daughter will be 10 and that he swaps to one of the other rooms at that point because he's likely to be there less.

It's a bit daft though that the only bath tub is in the upstairs ensuite because it means that no one can have baths unless they have that room.
If you are bothered about DSS having the room and that means no access to the bath tub for other family members you could maybe use the room as some kind of communal space such as a den, or a second living room or something.