To not understand parents who send young kids to boarding school?

[Roxietrees]

I know some parents may not have much of a choice but to send DC to boarding school eg. Working in a foreign country with no international schools close by (although I believe that’s a career choice that’s probably not compatible with having kids). I also understand teens who maybe want that experience and if the parents have the money why not. But what I can’t get my head round is wealthy families living in the UK, where the mum is a SAHM and the kids are shipped off to boarding school aged 7 because it’s “family tradition”. Especially the ones that don’t come home at weekends. What is the point in having kids if you’re effectively going to put them in a posh care home by the time they’re 7??

It's not for you to understand others legitimate and safe parenting choices.

Especially if you're coming at it immediately from a place of judgement and not curiosity. Which the words "shipped off" and "posh care home" suggest you are

Hth x

Completely agree. It's bizarre to me. Kids get traumatised by it.

I don't understand it either, but it's a totally different culture I have little experience of.

I am judging - I have a friend whose life was pretty much ruined by it. But I’m also curious, so if you send your dc to boarding school I’d be interested to know why…won’t judge your answer

It’s a pretty recent change (i.e past 50-100 years) that wealthier parents have children for the ‘joy’ of raising them. Having children wasn’t as much of a choice back then as it was now, admittedly but there are many other reasons why people decide to procreate.

People have children to have a legacy, pass on their genes and family traditions, guarantee the succession of wealth and property.

I definitely don’t come from money and I’m not in the boarding school money earning bracket but as someone with a demanding career and very full life I can definitely see why people do it.

Boarding school was a dream for me, I asked if I could go several times from about 6 and my parents asked me who TF I thought I was. 😂

I work in a prep school with boarding. Flexi boarding (mostly 1 night a week some 2 nights) is popular from Year 3 up. But weekly and full boarders under the age of 10 or 11 are highly unusual. And almost all our boarders, even Year 8s, have reasons for being boarders. Most are either international or on bursaries for families with particularly adverse circumstances. Very few families send their under 13s, and certainly their under 11s, to boarding school just 'because'.

Our current full boarders:
8 international students ages 10-13 there to learn English.
2 with both parents in the forces aged 9 and 13.
2 with deceased parent/s and living in very difficult/deprived conditions aged 12 and 13
1 highly gifted who struggled socially in a very deprived area from a chaotic family aged 13
1 with disabled parents from a very deprived background aged 12
1 with disabled sibling from a very chaotic family aged 11
1 seemingly 'just because' aged 12

Are you judging or not then

I am curious as to why women procreate with numerous men...I think boarding school would be great for those offspring.

@miniaturepixieonacid I'm curious, for kids who are boarding one or two nights a week, do they get a different room / bed each time like a hotel? Or is it the same bed in the same room but they're only there every Tuesday?

I said I was judging didn’t I? It’s not something I’ve ever agreed with, I firmly believe young children need to be at home with their parents as long as they have a stable home. But who am I to judge? I know nothing about the world of boarding schools and elite families so explain it to me. I said I wasn’t going to judge your answer

Don't take this the wrong way.

But you are making little to no sense.

"Yeah but no but yeah I am but I'm not"

Playing devil’s advocate, is it better for a child/children to have a nanny at home instead of board? Because many of us do that and it’s still someone else looking after them most of the week.

Trying not to make assumptions based on stereotypes BUT if many of these kids come from deprived areas/parents are deceased how do they afford the fees?

Ok then. I’m not judging. That answer ok?

Either is OK

My problem is the faux sincerity of being curious when you're just looking to judge people based on your preconceived notions.

Whether you're judging or not, own it. Cut the fakery.

Oh god quit wasting my time!

@PullTheBricksDown usually the same bed in the sane room although there can be shuffling depending on numbers in each night. And it's generally the case that 1 bed will have someone who sleeps in it on say, a Tuesday, then someone else has it Thursdays and Fridays (with clean bedding, obv!!) Fridays tend to be very busy (max capacity is 75 ish, I think) whereas Mondays are very quiet - only around a 3rd of beds taken.

Sorry am I getting in the way of your mean girl night in?

@Roxietrees it's a 100% bursary scheme.

I think you’re the mean girl love. Why are you even commenting? You clearly don’t have anything to add. I swear some people on MN sit up at midnight looking for strangers on the internet to take digs at. It’s bizarre and pathetic. Either that or you’re everything i described in the post and you’re seriously defensive about it cos you know I’m right 🤣

@Roxietrees What is it about boarding that bothers you, ethically? Is it that parents are delegating responsibility to someone else?

My DC don’t go to boarding school but I did have a long term nanny. I only personally know three families with kids that board. One family, both Mom and Dad are active duty military of senior rank, it’s paid for by their branch of service, kids are 8 and 10.

The other two have kids who are gifted so go to speciality boarding schools: one is acting/performance related and one is an elite sportsperson who is 95% likely to be an Olympian. In both cases the kids are a bit older (tween/teens) and both wanted to go to those schools at the vast expense of their parents!

There are definitely foundations/trusts here that pay for students from disadvantaged backgrounds to go to boarding school, but I live overseas. I’ve also known of people who have guardianship of family children (following the death of a parent) who paid for the child to board.

My DDs boarded from 11. The occasional boarders usually have a room set aside for them. The regular boarders keep their bed. The weekly (Monday to Thursday) keep their beds too.

Why did mine board? They wanted to. DD1 wanted to be with friends. Not that she knew anyone when she started but was confident in making friends. She also wanted to do lots of activities and clubs. She loved the days out and wanted to take part in House activities. She was very keen on boarding and remained committed to it. We gave up a place at a state grammar for her to board. DD2 followed 3 years later. She had obviously got to know the school and wanted to go to it. She wanted the same opportunities as her sister.

They largely thrived there. A few issues along the way but DD1 in particular has lifelong friends from school. We saw both of them in plays, house drama, house music, sports, house supper, school music evenings, choirs. dance events, chapel, fashion show, art open evening, and probably lots of things I’ve forgotten. They were not dumped. They saw a lot of us and we supported them and the school. As did quite a few parents. We have a normal family relationship.

You literally started a thread where the opening post takes a not so thinly veiled swipe at people who's choices differ from your own.

It's disparaging and mean and I have to wonder why you did it.

But I'm the mean one, of course.

Either that or you’re everything i described in the post and you’re seriously defensive about it cos you know I’m right

And as if by magic you've proven my point

You say you are judging and you are not judging in the same post- so which is it?
Tho if your phrase elite families is anything to by I think I can make an educated guess. 😂
Just why do you think it is elite families who send their children to boarding school please?
And what is with the curiosity? Is it envy? It certainly doesn’t sound as though you are well intentioned to those who make this decision