To not understand parents who send young kids to boarding school?

[Roxietrees]

I know some parents may not have much of a choice but to send DC to boarding school eg. Working in a foreign country with no international schools close by (although I believe that’s a career choice that’s probably not compatible with having kids). I also understand teens who maybe want that experience and if the parents have the money why not. But what I can’t get my head round is wealthy families living in the UK, where the mum is a SAHM and the kids are shipped off to boarding school aged 7 because it’s “family tradition”. Especially the ones that don’t come home at weekends. What is the point in having kids if you’re effectively going to put them in a posh care home by the time they’re 7??

It sure does make for more juicy reading Marcus 😉 Everyone has an opinion on everything- most people make up their minds on something without really knowing much about it. No one on this thread has no opinion one way or the other! That’s not how brains work. At least I’m open-minded enough to ask why? Maybe someone will come along and explain the reason and it’ll completely humble me and I’ll realise I was wrong - it’s not just because some parents are selfish - but err no one has so I think they know I’m right! I home educate my kids too btw. Don’t assume - ass out of u & I and all that

It’s generally frowned upon these days and rightly so. I had a distant cousin who went to one because his dad seemed to hate him. He had a bad time and the mum ended up divorcing the dad anyway. Cousin now sees his mum as weak.

Very wealthy friend of mine sent her kids off to boarding so she could continue her party lifestyle.
The kids are better off for it.

This is interesting thank you. I was starting to think that maybe it’s just not really a thing anymore but with the 1% it clearly still is. Very sad

Would you have like to boarded at age 7?

I think many 7 year olds would like to spend a couple of nights a week with their friends, having a sleepover, stories and hot chocolate. This is the reality for most young boarders. They don’t sleep at school 7 nights a week.

The number of children boarding at 7 isn’t even close to 1%. Around 0.7% board, and the majority of those are secondary age.

I don’t think most parents choose not to do it cos THEY’D miss their child too much - I think they’d (I would any way) worry that their child would miss them too much and the separation may have an extremely damaging effect on them. It does seem to be more of a thing of the past - to go that young without genuine reason - but as one PP put it, in certain circles it seems to be pretty rife

I home educate my kids too btw

Surely you can understand then that parents make different choices based on what suits their family? Boarding will not suit every child, in the same way that home education would be awful for many children.

What about if your child was not able to attend mainstream school and the only specialist school that was able to a) accommodate their needs and b) had a space for them was a 2 hour car journey away?

My husband went quite young - he loved it, thrived, as did his bothers. He is not emotionally stunted, wasnt bullied and has very fond memories of it. Has a good relationship with his parents - not fractured or strained. Obvs - this is his experience. We have friends whose boys are at Eton - they love it too, and sometimes come home on weekends. My kids school now have a boarding facility - and both my kids have asked if they can 'try' it when they are older - im not sure, i had a different upbringing but my husband doesn't mind. I think it suits a certain type of child - not all kids can board, im not sure it'll suit my son, but i can see it suiting my daughter. I dont judge anyone who sends their child to board. We have a friend who is about to send her daughter to board at some elite sports school. Good luck to her!

And if you home life is chaotic or abusive as well?

i would move rather than do this to be honest with a small child definitely. Kids with SEN are already more likely to be abused - I woulda’t leave them even more vulnerable. I also think separation from their primary care givers would be even more devastating for them. It would be an absolute no.

That is my reaction. But I wouldn’t judge anyone else for what they did in a situation like this. I do think most parents make decisions based on what they think is best for their child.

Well, a lot of families that do this I'm sure have it kind of bred into them. It was something they did and perhaps generations before so it'd be difficult to understand that culture from the outside.

I don't even let my kids sleep over at friends houses. I certainly wouldn't send them away. However, that is my choice and my personal circumstances and experiences.

I do think you are being unreasonable to pretend you "don't understand" parents who do this. Everyone has different experiences. It shouldn't be that hard for a (presumably) adult to understand that concept?

Errr this. I'm sure there are lots of parenting things you do that other people don't agree with

I used to board once or twice a week from age 7 and I loved it. So did my brother too. But I do feel sorry for the young kids who board termly in a foreign country! My son attends a boarding school now and I’d never let him board full time but if he wanted to odd night I would let him.

In terms of being a 'safe' parenting choice, lots of adults who were sent to boarding school as children would strongly disagree. Charles Spencer, Diana's brother has written a book exposing the horrific physical and sexual abuse he experienced at his famous public school.

A documentary, 'Boarding on Insanity', has just been released which discusses the life long trauma suffered by those educated at elite boarding schools. These are often the people that end up running the country. David Cameron described being sent to boarding school at seven as “brutal and bizarre” and recalled “frequent beatings”. He lost a stone in weight during a single term. Tony Blair tried to run away aged 14, making his way to Newcastle airport in a bid to escape.

Great, they can start a MN thread on it. Or have we all forgotten this forum is supposed to be judgment central?

Maybe but in my experience what kids really, especially teens even if they don't know it is their (decent) parents presence .

Those men were at school decades ago. People keep telling you of school experiences NOW and the response is "oh well let's see in twenty years" . This isn't a discussion, it's people who have already made up their minds and aren't interested in hearing anything other than what confirms that. Why bother posting if you aren't interested in hearing anything alternative view?

Exactly this. These people were at school at a time where corporal punishment was allowed. There are plenty of adults who went through the state system who remember being physically punished and who have trauma into adulthood because of this. All schools have changed.

Sending them away isn't parenting.

Of course it is. As has been repeatedly said, young boarders go for a few nights here and there, not weeks or months at a time. Is using 8-6 childcare for toddlers also not parenting? Are you only parenting if you are a SAHP?

Both scenarios aren't parenting.

Woah, that's a bit sexist - I clearly said both parents are in the forces, nothing about mums following dads.

Pro and anti beliefs about whether or not families in that situation should use boarding schools or not are all valid but there's no need to make it sound like the mum isn't even working.