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Original poster

To be upset at birthday presents from DP

277 replies

LeahS89 · 22/04/2025 13:44

I’ve been with my DP for c1.5 years, and have just had my birthday. For context, recently he has been really ‘in’ to me dressing up and whilst I do indulge this for him, I’ve said to him I’m not massive on it and wouldn’t ever want him to buy me anything specifically.

I gave him a few ideas for my birthday, hinting at some jewellery I really liked and some clothes - confirming my sizes etc.

All bar one present he gave me was lingerie/sets, some I’d never wear being crotchless etc- easily £150-200’s worth.

He said he thought I’d like it and in his words ‘he’d reap the rewards too’.

Am I being ungrateful or is this unreasonable given what I told him?

OP posts:
VickyEadieofThigh · 22/04/2025 13:45

🙄

IfYouPutASausageInItItsNotAViennetta · 22/04/2025 13:46

He sounds like quite an unpleasant selfish creep.

ColinOfficeTrolley · 22/04/2025 13:47

Would deffo give me the ick and I'd probably dump tbh.

Crotchless knickers FFS.

Jeezitneverends · 22/04/2025 13:47

So he basically bought himself a present on your birthday

Gross

AprilBunny · 22/04/2025 13:49

Birthday present aside if you’re not really into the dressing up then don’t do it, don’ be coerced into something that you don’t enjoy.

DaisyChain505 · 22/04/2025 13:50

Eurgh what a pig.

even if you hadn’t mentioned this wasn’t your thing it’s really a selfish present to get your for a birthday as it’s actually for him!

The fact that you HAVE been vocal about the fact it’s not really for you just shows he’s completely disregarded your feelings and how he’s only thinking about his selfish sexual pleasure.

This would be a huge turn off for me and make me question the relationship as a whole.

Energe · 22/04/2025 13:51

Gross. Give them back to him

BitOutOfPractice · 22/04/2025 13:51

Ugh. That’s not good op. I hate the phrase “having the pick” but this really would give me the ick.

starryeyed19 · 22/04/2025 13:51

That is such a dick move.

NotDarkGothicMama · 22/04/2025 13:53

Ew. How do you feel about asking him to take them back and get you something you'd actually like?

Clarinet1 · 22/04/2025 13:58

It sounds as though he just sees you as a sex toy - sorry.

toomuchfaff · 22/04/2025 13:59

I'd be telling him quite categorically that his "birthday presents" weren't for you, they were for him. And that you're not accepting them.

I'd also be telling him to fk off with the dress up shit too. whilst I do indulge this for him, I’ve said to him I’m not massive on it
If you're not into it, and he keeps pushing it, then he's a creep, its not nice to take sexual pleasure from something that your partner isn't into. Or does he just see you as a sexual gratification tool for him?

Itd put me off him, I'd be reconsidering if this relationship was one I wanted to continue.

MounjaroOnMyMind · 22/04/2025 14:01

Ugh, bin him off. He's bought himself a present and hasn't given you a second thought. Utterly selfish. And if he knows you're not into dressing up and he's bought you crotchless undies then he's stupid as well as selfish.

StMarie4me · 22/04/2025 14:01

Dump him. What a creep.

Original poster
LeahS89 · 22/04/2025 14:04

NotDarkGothicMama · 22/04/2025 13:53

Ew. How do you feel about asking him to take them back and get you something you'd actually like?

He says they are non refundable!

I don’t even want to try them on, one is literally called ‘bondage style’ 😷

If I knew earlier on when we met that he was into this I’d have probably questioned the relationship! All of a sudden he has developed an interest in this and a few more risque things.

OP posts:
JoshLymanSwagger · 22/04/2025 14:09

Run. Run fast.

This one is not a keeper, chuck him back into his pond.

MounjaroOnMyMind · 22/04/2025 14:10

What's your living situation, OP? Is he living with you? Do you have children? Whose place is it?

Cosyblankets · 22/04/2025 14:12

Eeuw

Original poster
LeahS89 · 22/04/2025 14:14

MounjaroOnMyMind · 22/04/2025 14:10

What's your living situation, OP? Is he living with you? Do you have children? Whose place is it?

We don’t live with each other yet. I have two DC from a previous relationship and he has one DC

OP posts:
Cucy · 22/04/2025 14:15

I love lingerie and wear it because it makes me feel sexy but it is still for my partners benefit.
I wouldn’t wear it without him there.

He has literally got a present for himself.

I wouldn’t be happy with one set of lingerie as a birthday present. If he wants to buy you some then it should not be for an occasion.

Tell him you are not happy that your gifts are also for him and that he needs to get you other gifts that are just for you.

Tell him that you will wear it for his birthday present instead of getting him an actual gift.

Cosyblankets · 22/04/2025 14:16

LeahS89 · 22/04/2025 14:14

We don’t live with each other yet. I have two DC from a previous relationship and he has one DC

Show quote history

We don't live with each other.
There you go. Fixed it for you.
No need for the word 'yet'

MoominMai · 22/04/2025 14:20

So basically totally disregarded you then really despite you clearly ‘using your voice’ and telling him your preferences. The fact that he isn’t emotionally intelligent enough or maybe just doesn’t care how you’ll feel surrounded by a bunch of seemingly uncomfortable (for more reasons than one), lingerie but chooses to put his own sexual needs over your birthday preferences is…yeah not promising for a LT relationship in my eyes. Sorry OP, unless this man has some incredible other redeeming features you’ve not told us about then I’d be walking away.

NoisyTurtle · 22/04/2025 14:20

He hasn’t got you anything thoughtful because he doesn’t care too, all he wants is a present for him too. Some people might disagree but this I would dump someone over especially after a year and a half. You know him better than us, what’s he like as a partner

IfYouPutASausageInItItsNotAViennetta · 22/04/2025 14:30

starryeyed19 · 22/04/2025 13:51

That is such a dick move.

That is literally his plan - bleeeuurgh.

mumofoneAlonebutokay · 22/04/2025 14:40

Gross girl, he needs to go shopping again and get you a proper present

Or you could throw him back tbh, it's still so early to be behaving like this