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AIBU?

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Original poster

To be upset at birthday presents from DP

277 replies

LeahS89 · 22/04/2025 13:44

I’ve been with my DP for c1.5 years, and have just had my birthday. For context, recently he has been really ‘in’ to me dressing up and whilst I do indulge this for him, I’ve said to him I’m not massive on it and wouldn’t ever want him to buy me anything specifically.

I gave him a few ideas for my birthday, hinting at some jewellery I really liked and some clothes - confirming my sizes etc.

All bar one present he gave me was lingerie/sets, some I’d never wear being crotchless etc- easily £150-200’s worth.

He said he thought I’d like it and in his words ‘he’d reap the rewards too’.

Am I being ungrateful or is this unreasonable given what I told him?

OP posts:
Eggsboxedandmelting · 22/04/2025 15:57

Agree to a bondage session at his home. He goes first. Tie him up and go home. Leave his phone handy so he can call for help. I mean you aren't that dodgy op!!

HugoYorway · 22/04/2025 15:58

@Muffinmam , what's the dog done to deserve such cruelty?

Hwi · 22/04/2025 16:00

MereNoelle · 22/04/2025 15:54

So it’s ok for the OP to look at his cock, just not touch it?

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I agree, I sound vulgar, but some form of inspection is necessary, I am sure you will agree?

WeeOrcadian · 22/04/2025 16:00

So the present he 'bought for you' is really something that gets him off?

Prick

He hasn't actually considered you in this at all, just his own dick

MorrisseysMisery · 22/04/2025 16:02

Crotchless Knickers and such give me the ick, personally I would feel cheapened by this "gift" but that's just my opinion.

Good quality well fitting lingerie would make me feel much better than some seedy Ann Summers get up.

He has bought these presents with only his sexual gratification in mind.

I'd get a refund and go to good old Marks and Spencer

Oldandcobwebby · 22/04/2025 16:03

He's a selfish sleazebag. Thank your lucky stars that you don't live together. Get some self-respect and go in search of someone less creepy who values you. Ugh.

uncomfortablydumb60 · 22/04/2025 16:04

He sounds very unpleasant and selfish
can you exchange for something you will wear?

uncomfortablydumb60 · 22/04/2025 16:05

Personally I would get rid.. He has shown his sleazy true colours ugh

GCAcademic · 22/04/2025 16:06

I'd let him know that the crotchless knickers are pointless, as your vagina has now clamped shut.

MereNoelle · 22/04/2025 16:08

Hwi · 22/04/2025 16:00

I agree, I sound vulgar, but some form of inspection is necessary, I am sure you will agree?

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Not a scenario I’ve ever found myself in. Happily married for 14 years to a man I (gasps) had sex with pre marriage.
I can’t imagine saying ‘can I have a quick inspection of your cock before we marry’ though. At what point do you ask for a look? After he gets down on one knee?

GeorgianaM · 22/04/2025 16:09

Tasteful, luxury lingerie can be a lovely gift.

Crotchless stuff is nasty so I would keep it and regift it to his mother just putting his name on the gift tag when it's her birthday.

EnjoyingTheArmoire · 22/04/2025 16:10

"Pre-marital visual goods inspection" would make a great band name.

viques · 22/04/2025 16:10

Will they fit him? He might need a bit of elastic and some safety pins but if he is so keen on them then I’m sure he won’t mind being a tad uncomfortable for the sake of looking beautiful and sexy for your Instagram.

What are you planning to get him for his birthday, let us know nearer the time if you are stuck for ideas, I’m sure the MN collective can come up with some suggestions.

Lorlorlorikeet · 22/04/2025 16:11

Hwi · 22/04/2025 15:51

Correct, but only if you are a decent properly brought up person wanting to have a normal family. If you want sleeping around without commitments, then obviously it does not apply.

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Well, wow.

treesandsun · 22/04/2025 16:12

If they are none refundable - and I expect that is true - then I would tell him I don't like them but will have the cash equivalent as you clearly did not listen to what I wanted. Unless his birthday is in the next couple of days I would dump the selfish get. If his birthday is in the next couple of days - buy 'him' something that is just for you and when he expresses surprise/shock/ horror - say now you now you know how I felt.
If he likes the crotchless pants - let him wear them. Also agree this is not something he just thought of - he has bided his time to introduce it.

BernardButlersBra · 22/04/2025 16:12

Scout2016 · 22/04/2025 14:58

He's used your birthday as an excuse to make sure the props he wants to satisfy his sexual interest are available.
And expects you to perform in them for him too.
Not anything for your sexual interests and tastes.
Nothing about you as a person otherwise either, like your hobbies and interests... unless the one present not related to his sex drive was incredibly thoughtful? I'd like to be wrong but I'm guessing it wasn't.

Stay with him and in a few years time you'll be getting hoovers and vouchers for cosmetic surgery, or tickets to see his favourite band.

Just dump him OP. He's shown what he thinks of you and he's not interested in what you think either.

Pretty much this. It’s all about him isn’t it! Maybe it’s a woman thing but l get people presents THEY WANT for THEIR birthday. Unless there is a drip feed coming it wasn’t his birthday! What did you get them for their birthday out of interest?

curtaintwitcher78 · 22/04/2025 16:15

He's bought you something for his benefit, despite you saying its not massively your thing. He's trying to change you to suit him. If his tastes are so important then he needs to find someone who shares them. This isn't going to work. It will wear away at you.
You deserve better.

Waterweight · 22/04/2025 16:15

Yh. It's a hard no on the crap nickers
Unfortunately he'll just have to take the loss (when you "donate"/bin them without telling him & wait until he asks you to dress up to let him know)

Praying4Peace · 22/04/2025 16:16

Sorry, I clicked on YABU by mistake

curtaintwitcher78 · 22/04/2025 16:16

Praying4Peace · 22/04/2025 16:16

Sorry, I clicked on YABU by mistake

You can change your response. Just click the other.

SparklyDenimHiker · 22/04/2025 16:17

DUMP HIM

MyLittleNest · 22/04/2025 16:19

Ask for the receipt, return it, and buy something you like, and be sure to wear it all the time. Or better yet, have him return it.

OnGoldenPond · 22/04/2025 16:24

LeahS89 · 22/04/2025 14:04

He says they are non refundable!

I don’t even want to try them on, one is literally called ‘bondage style’ 😷

If I knew earlier on when we met that he was into this I’d have probably questioned the relationship! All of a sudden he has developed an interest in this and a few more risque things.

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He hasn’t suddenly developed an interest in these things. He’s always been into them. He just kept it under wraps until he got you safely committed to the relationship. Could be more revelations to come now that he has broken down your boundaries.

groovylady · 22/04/2025 16:34

Ew 🤮

Boreded · 22/04/2025 16:35

LeahS89 · 22/04/2025 14:04

He says they are non refundable!

I don’t even want to try them on, one is literally called ‘bondage style’ 😷

If I knew earlier on when we met that he was into this I’d have probably questioned the relationship! All of a sudden he has developed an interest in this and a few more risque things.

Show quote history

One item is ok, most of your present being these is creepy. I don’t think I would stick around to wait for him to start parading you around on his arm like some ‘hot wife’ he want to share with his friends.

maybe it won’t go that way, but we would be having a very serious conversation about what is ok and what is weird - then see what Santa brings