To be upset at birthday presents from DP

[LeahS89]

I’ve been with my DP for c1.5 years, and have just had my birthday. For context, recently he has been really ‘in’ to me dressing up and whilst I do indulge this for him, I’ve said to him I’m not massive on it and wouldn’t ever want him to buy me anything specifically.

I gave him a few ideas for my birthday, hinting at some jewellery I really liked and some clothes - confirming my sizes etc.

All bar one present he gave me was lingerie/sets, some I’d never wear being crotchless etc- easily £150-200’s worth.

He said he thought I’d like it and in his words ‘he’d reap the rewards too’.

Am I being ungrateful or is this unreasonable given what I told him?

Ugh no you're not being unreasonable at all.

He's telling you who he is, and it's not a good picture.

Exactly.

Yuck. He hasn't listened to you and thinks he knows best.

Oh no that’s terrible OP.
He's a selfish arse and obviously dosent see you as a person he loves and cares for.
And the chocolates, wow so unimaginative.
I can see why you’re disappointed and I would be too.
I wouldn’t have him round for another birthday.
Id bin him straight away.

I’ve said to him I’m not massive on it and wouldn’t ever want him to buy me anything specifically.

He's either thick or selfish, or maybe both if you've really struck gold.
Neither are attractive qualities and say a great deal about the person he really is.

You could always make a big bonfire of thed outfits.

I agree with pp - I wouldn't go any further with this relationship.

It's not just that it's a present for him, it also involves an expectation that OP will feel obliged to get dressed up in these things and perform sex acts.

He's not given her a voucher saying he'll wash her car and clean her bathroom has he, or tickets to go out and an offer to babysit. This "experience gift" is entirely for his gratification and at her expense.

Selfish prick. Would make me seriously question the relationship.

So not only does he not listen to you, he buys you selfish gifts . I’d be throwing this one back op !

Vile

This is a definite ‘gives me the ick’ post. He’s not listening and ripping through a boundary you made clear you weren’t interested in breaking. 🚩🚩🚩🚩

To paraphrase Melanie Griffiths character in the film Working Girl, after her boyfriend (Alec Baldwin) had bought her 'sexy' lingerie for her birthday AGAIN.

"For once can you buy me a birthday present I can wear outside of the apartment".

I would love it if in years to come every single woman in the world would be in a place to be able to say ‘no thanks, you’re not good enough for me, this is ended’ immediately on receipt of this non-present which shows he sees you as his sex object. If we ALL raised our bar to stop placing such a high value on simply having a man, regardless of how selfish and awful they are, that’d do it. My advice is to leave him op, don’t even bother with the chat, he’s not good enough for you.

It's not your fault he bought non refundable shit you aren't into. That's on him.

Bin the creep, and send him packing with his non refundable stuff.

Or stay and accept the fact you're only there for his sexual gratification. Because he's telling you exactly what he thinks of you, make sure you're listening....

Can you buy him a hoover and dustpan and brush for his next birthday OP? That way he gets a new set of cleaning equipment, you reap the benefits too (because there'll be a nice clean house when you go to visit him) and it's approximately as fun for him as his present was for you.

Run, OP.

I had the ick from the moment you said "he has been really ‘in’ to me dressing up... I’m not massive on it" - this is boundary testing behaviour. As PP have said, he's not "suddenly" into it. He believes you are invested enough to tolerate a few "quirks".

Any and all forms of kink are based on communication, consent, and respect of individual boundaries.

He is happy to watch you do something you have said you are not into, because it gets him off. That is not an act of respect or love.

Personally, I would find this hugely insulting and I'd end the relationship. He has entirely ignored your suggestions and has told you in no uncertain terms that you are only there for one thing. He did not think you'd like it, he didn't care.

Stick them in a drawer ( or bin ) and for his birthday buy something for you

Run!

On a positive note, at least you've recognised these red flags early on, before things progressed too far. It's especially important since you mentioned not wanting this to become a frequent issue. Since you haven't moved in together and are hopefully financially independent, that should make things easier.

Perhaps explain that you're no longer comfortable continuing the relationship. If you feel safe and confident, you could even explain why. There's absolutely nothing wrong with having particular kinks, but compatibility and mutual understanding are essential. It seems he isn't respecting your boundaries and is being pushy. Of course, if you don't feel comfortable with any of that, just end the relationship outright. You're completely within your rights to end things with a clear conscience.

Tough luck to him, he can wear them himself, he owes you a proper birthday present still!

Seriously though, constantly pushing you to do something sexually that you have told him you're uncomfortable with is a massive red flag - dump him.

There's nothing wrong with him being into all that stuff, provided you are willing participant.

The fact that he knows you're not into it, didn't listen to you and did what he wanted anyway is what would give me the serious ick.

You're not a sex doll for his amusement.

That would turn my stomach I’m afraid. It’s just given me the ick just reading your op

To be fair she said she's "not massive on it", not that it makes her feel uncomfortable.

Oh pls end it. What a twat.