To be upset at birthday presents from DP

[LeahS89]

I’ve been with my DP for c1.5 years, and have just had my birthday. For context, recently he has been really ‘in’ to me dressing up and whilst I do indulge this for him, I’ve said to him I’m not massive on it and wouldn’t ever want him to buy me anything specifically.

I gave him a few ideas for my birthday, hinting at some jewellery I really liked and some clothes - confirming my sizes etc.

All bar one present he gave me was lingerie/sets, some I’d never wear being crotchless etc- easily £150-200’s worth.

He said he thought I’d like it and in his words ‘he’d reap the rewards too’.

Am I being ungrateful or is this unreasonable given what I told him?

“Surprise! Your birthday present is getting to dress up like a sex doll and fulfil my fantasies!”

You say his needs have recently become more risqué, I would imagine this is just the start of it and he will keep upping the ante. Get out now !

Dump him.

It's time for a conversation, isn't it?

You've already told him you aren't into dressing up during sex and yet he's used your birthday as an opportunity to buy you items that are 100% for his own benefit.

You need to let him know that this is incredibly selfish of him and that if these new sexual needs of his are a non-negotiable for him then it may be best for you to separate and him find a partner with similar wants and needs.

He's set you up to look like the bad guy here, OP. - because HOW could you not be utterly flattered that he wants you so much?! (cue man sad face, because their natural reaction is to bat off all blame and turn it outwards). He is absolutely going to try to make you feel bad (cue woman sad face, because it's our natural reaction to blame ourselves, even when we are blameless) - gird your loins and be ready to tell him to feck right off!

If you have the spare cash, please go out and treat yourself to the jewellery and clothes you wanted. Don't feel denied because your man is a feckin' idiot!

Get yourself the best birthday present and dump this man. You deserve so much better than this selfish, sleazy idiot.

I do not beleive these are non-refundable. Most of this stuff comes mail order and under the terms of the consumer rights act, returns and refunds are compulsory fir items if clothing.
He's bought you an awful present but what's worse, is he is lying to you about returning it. Is he worth it?

The fact that you believe sex can't ever be anything beyond 'one pole and one hole' is enough to tell me you're in no position to be giving anyone advice on carnal matters.

if you are a decent woman and if you would like to have a husband, family, etc., i.e. normal life

All right, Trad Wife Wendy, calm down

I think throwing the “gifts” and dumping him is a good response to this sort of thing. Look for someone who is thoughtful and compatible with you. Don’t try to change someone who is this selfish, it won’t work.

I'm sorry your birthday was about gifts for him. How disappointing. What a let down.
Bag it all up and tell him to stow it at his place @LeahS89 . If he blusters, just stick the bag by the front door and when he leaves, hand it to him.

So you’re just sex object to him. Dump and move on as he’s awful, uncaring and selfish.

My ex-husband went away on a business trip and bought me back a thong, it was the beginning of the end.
If my partner did this I would not be happy, not on OP, crotchless knickers, if you are not into it, totally disrespectful.

Next!

Please tell us you've handed it all back for him to return to the shops, OP. As you dumped him.

Don't beat yourself up OP, he hasn't just developed this fetish he will have just kept it hidden from you.
It is fine for you to question the relationship now, this would be a deal breaker for me.
Appreciate other posters on here might think differently but if you are not in to it, I can't see things working out.
Always remember 'I would rather accommodate my life to your absence, than accommodate my life to your disrespect'.

Yeah, I'd be dumping him over this.

There's nothing weird or unusual about liking lingerie, but clearly it has to be something you're both into if it's going to be a big part of your sex life - if it's not your thing, he needs to back the hell off. Even without the birthday present issue, he apparently only cares about his own pleasure/preferences and not yours.

Even if you didn't mind 'dressing up', him buying you crotchless knickers because he likes them is just incredibly selfish. If there was something I wasn't fussed either way about, but was perfectly happy to wear now and again solely for my partner, I'd still be really bloody annoyed if he made it my birthday present, because it would clearly not actually be for me.

I really like the smell of some Tom Ford men's colognes. My partner, however, has a medical issue which means he has no real sense of smell. He'd happily wear cologne purely for my benefit even though he gets nothing out of it himself - but I doubt he'd be thrilled if I spent £200 on a bottle for his birthday when he isn't actually the one who enjoys it!

It actually reminds me a bit of that episode of The Simpsons where Homer gives Marge a bowling ball for her birthday. I would be absolutely enraged if I were you.

He hasn’t got YOU birthday gifts, he’s got HIMSELF gifts on YOUR birthday. Hand them back and tell him to do better or jog on.

My ex bought me a horrendous dress with a neckline down to my stomach, with the added beauty of fringing attached. He was really pleased when he presented said dress. I was so shocked on how horrible it was I couldn’t say anything. Anyway I’d got a prearranged holiday booked to Florida and he asked if I wanted to take it 🤣 I’d have been arrested for soliciting! After we split up he stuck it in eBay for some other bloke to buy probably.

the relationship was doomed tbh 🤣

I’d just laugh and say nope these are going back! If he gets put out then it’s bye bye to him too.

I would not presume, ever, to give advice on carnal matters - I am not a sex professional or sex worker.

why can't you question the relationship now?

you really, really should.

Some form of inspection? For what? Syphilitic sores that he picked up from a lady of ill repute when he was away fighting in the Boer War?

Or do you imagine that you can find out whether a man's a pervert by looking at the pattern of the veins, like studying the lines on someone's palm to read their fortune?

I hate to break it to you, but neither the appearance of a man's cock nor his willingness to wait until marriage before using it will be a reliable indicator of whether he gets excited about crotchless knickers.

Reap the rewards?
Sadly there is no vomit emoji.

Get yourself a spa day for his next birthday

He didn’t develop this interest suddenly, he’s just been waiting long enough for you to be sucked into the relationship enough that it will be harder to end it over this. He knows exactly what he’s doing. It’s gross.