To be upset at birthday presents from DP

[LeahS89]

I’ve been with my DP for c1.5 years, and have just had my birthday. For context, recently he has been really ‘in’ to me dressing up and whilst I do indulge this for him, I’ve said to him I’m not massive on it and wouldn’t ever want him to buy me anything specifically.

I gave him a few ideas for my birthday, hinting at some jewellery I really liked and some clothes - confirming my sizes etc.

All bar one present he gave me was lingerie/sets, some I’d never wear being crotchless etc- easily £150-200’s worth.

He said he thought I’d like it and in his words ‘he’d reap the rewards too’.

Am I being ungrateful or is this unreasonable given what I told him?

Ask him directly "did you genuinely think these would be something I would want?" and see what his response is.
Either yes, and he doesn't know you very well, or no, and he's only thinking of himself.

Never toi late to dump him if he's showing a side if hom you don't like.

Is his birthday soon? If so buy him a penis extender gadget. Explain it’s for him but you’ll reap the rewards….

Then dump him.

So that's his present - where's yours, OP?

It's likely not all of a sudden, he's just hid it from you until he thinks you're committed enough time and energy that you won't immediately run.

Err.. he's bought those for himself, and he's even admitting it. Ask him for an actual birthday present, you know, for You.
Or have a better BF by the time you have another birthday.

I would be wondering why he had developed this interest 'all of a sudden'...

Hes bought you gifts that he wants. I'd get rid of him and the gifts. If you don't want to dump him, make sure you always buy him gifts that YOU benefit from

I've been with my boyfriend/DP 18 months too, my birthday's coming up and (at my request) he's getting me some John Lewjs tumblers 😁
For a grand total of around £25. Perfect!

🤢🚩🚩🚩

Urgh what an arse.
You don’t have to stay with him, you know.

I don't even know you, Op. But I know you can do better than this creepy, thoughtless prick.

Being into lingerie even "bondage style" isn't a red flag at all.

Buying you gifts that you've specifically said you don't like and that purely benefit him and not understanding your complaint is a red flag. Either he apologises and fixes it or just throw him back. You don't wanna spend the rest of your life trying to enforce boundaries.

Buy a big strap on penis for his birthday.. Tell him he can reap the benefits later.

What's with the 'yet'? He sounds revolting.

@Obvnotthegolden you said exactly what I was thinking, he's always been like this Op he's been working up to the risque things. Unless that's the sex life you want I'd be giving him his crotchess knickers back and sending him on his way

You need to read him the riot act, OP. Tell him you don't like this stuff, he's indulging himself instead of treating you, and you expect him to take it all away and buy you a proper present. Whether or not he can return for a refund is irrelevant.
If he doesn't understand and take action, dump him.

He's used your birthday as an excuse to make sure the props he wants to satisfy his sexual interest are available.
And expects you to perform in them for him too.
Not anything for your sexual interests and tastes.
Nothing about you as a person otherwise either, like your hobbies and interests... unless the one present not related to his sex drive was incredibly thoughtful? I'd like to be wrong but I'm guessing it wasn't.

Stay with him and in a few years time you'll be getting hoovers and vouchers for cosmetic surgery, or tickets to see his favourite band.

Just dump him OP. He's shown what he thinks of you and he's not interested in what you think either.

It’s not to late to question the relationship now, he reeled you in before showing you what he’s really into.

I’d dump a man over this. These are not gifts for YOU. He doesn’t care about YOU.

The other present was chocolates..

Was going to say this myself. He is letting you see who he really is. And you aren't into it, unsurprisingly.

This would really give me the ick.

You need to have a proper, calm, adult chat with him away from the kids and explain in words of one syllable, that whilst you may consider wearing “special” lingerie FOR HIM on a rare occasion, this isn’t something that benefits you, it’s not something you look forward to and his “gift” was spectacularly shit and clearly for him rather than for you.

If you want to stay with him (and I’m not sure why you would, but 🤷‍♀️) and you feel inclined to indulge him, tell him that you will keep the lingerie and regift it to him for HIS birthday, and he can buy you something else instead.

If you let this slide you’ll be receiving similar gifts for every occasion.

Yeah this too, he'sjust been biding his time. Don't fall for sunk cost fallacy.

I know you said they are none refundable, but what about exchangeable? If you can exchange them, I'd suggest swapping for one of those flesh lights or Penis pumps