To just want to be a housewife?

[CasketBase]

I don’t know what’s happened to me. Growing up as a teen I was very rebellious and independent, I wanted the world. Started working early, went to university, started working full time and studied in my spare time. My job prior to having a child was serious and I was working my way up. Then DC came and I went part time self employed and ever since I’ve had her, I don’t want that life at all. She is 3 and is part time in nursery whilst I work but originally I wanted to do well in my work but now I don’t care. All I want is to look after my daughter, clean my home, and spend my time cooking and gardening.
Is this normal?! I could t care less about a career or earning lots of money or anything. I live rurally and all I care about now is nature and ‘homliness’. I genuinely love ironing, hanging out the washing and making the beds. I have ADHD and these were jobs that used to paralyse me, but now I find comfort and calmness in them and it’s the work I can’t cope with. Is this a phase? Or is this something to do with becoming a parent? It’s bizarre, it’s like I’ve had a personality transplant.

I'd like to be a housewife too. But it's never going to happen so I will just continue with my 3 jobs and burning myself into the ground until I win the lottery. .....

No, of course YANBU.

Maybe I should have posted this on the ADHD boards as I feel like it’s actually related to that somehow….

Same, I’m on maternity with number two, already made flapjacks and a quiche this morning while the 3yo is at nursery, when she gets home we are going to the allotment. I used to love my job, and lived to work, now I dream about winning enough on the lottery that I don’t have to go back.

I don’t even want kids and I still want to be a housewife! YANBU OP.

Nope, I'm due back to work on Monday and praying I win the lottery before then

Im sorry to hear this. I’m incredibly fortunate that I only have to work part time, I do understand that. X

Are you me?!

Except I’m not that keen on ironing ☺️

I had a Big Job. Turns out I’m dispensable. Whereas I’m indispensable to my family.

It won’t be my old managers and colleagues gathered around my death bed when the time comes…

Okay, I’m relived to hear it’s not just me! I never saw myself as someone who would find joy in domesticity and I have been concerned about what is going on in my brain!

Oh absolutely. I can’t believe the hours I used to work and how much I used to care. My entire pregnancy was overshadowed by work. Then she came and ‘poof!’ I just stopped caring. When I started my own business I thought the fire would return but it hasn’t. Maybe when school starts it will, but I just don’t care to care about work.

What about your pension?

What happens if you become a single parent?

Do you want to role model independence adself reliance to your daughter?

What is Cof L and life in general gets more difficult, do you have a safety net and an up to date skill set?

Let me join the club too...
I was the same growing up, I started selling crafts from 8, and worked as soon as I could.
I also had a great career, multiple degrees. Financially I did great etc. Used to hate housework and domestic life, thought mother looked like a dull change.

Then Murphy came along heh, and now I love it all too. My DS birth certificate says full time mom. And it's my favourite, bugger everything else that came before. Being a mom is the best part of life. I love every moment, nothing more rewarding and special. Money is money, jt comes and goes, people and connection matters for a lifetime beyond our own.

EDIT: I was so undomesticated before. I learnt how to cook and bake, and love it and I'm so good at it too. My hobbies now organised units for the kitchen, looks sp good you know. I love laundry just I enjoy it it's therapy at times.

How are you planning to support your two children while you clean your house and potter?

Totally the same. I’m “self employed” now but rarely have the time or inclination to focus on my business. My children will only be little once and my eldest has morphed from a baby to a 3 yr old at warp speed. I can’t imagine how fast it would feel had she been at nursery 12hrsx5days per week. Unimaginable.

Nothing wrong with being happy with the simple life. I work full time but from home a few days now and in a none stressful job. I love it. No rushing around. Hanging the washing out. Preparing dinner earlier and listening to music while I do so. I only need enough money. The rest is about enjoying the little things for me

Role modelling “independence and self reliance” to a baby/toddler and I’d say even through the difficult teen years is a load of guff. Children need the stability of a present parent. They need not just quality time but quantity time.

My mum left me with a neighbour to go see a film when I was 6. Despite playing with this neighbour’s daughter pretty much every day of my life, I can’t describe how anxious and abandoned I felt. And that was only for a few hours!

We overestimate how resilient our children, especially young ones, are. They are actually very psychologically vulnerable and it is harmful to the brain to have massive and enduring cortisol spikes at a young age.

I feel like we’ve been sold that this is wrong though, and that women aren’t allowed to be anything other than fully independent, self-financed power houses who can do it all. I have met a fair few who scorn the idea of stay at home mothers. I feel like it’s not okay anymore.

I have a (modest) income and savings. And no, I don’t really want to model that to my daughter. I want to model contentment to her and get her to follow her own choices no matter what they are. If I become single then life changes and I do, but I don’t see why I have to WANT those things? Because I don’t.

That's wonderful that you've found your calling. Personally I'm a SAHM with a 12 month old that I planned to stay home with until free childcare kicks in at 3. This arrangement does make sense for our situation but I wish I were more ideally suited to housewife life!

I have one child and I work part time. My husband loves his job and has a decent income. He doesn’t care what I do as long as we’re all happy. I have already said I’m aware I’m in a fortunate position and yes, if he dumps me then I will have to work full time and do whatever to support us.
But that’s not what I was asking. I was asking if this change up in feelings is normal, if your desires changing from being a career person to not were experienced by others. I’m extremely comforted to discover they are.

It didn’t happen for me at first at all, it’s been in the last year or so that this change of feeling has crept up on me. I struggled with the baby stages but in the last year I find I look forward to hanging out the washing! That’s why I wanted to ask here if it was something bizarre going on with my brain or if other people feel the same way. It won’t last forever I’m sure. I hope you find your happy place.

And if your marriage breaks down? A huge % do.

Then you'll be left, with children, no up to date marketable skills. With a man that pays you the bare minimum. Trying to exist in poverty. Making your children suffer not just a working mum (against your vision of earth mother) but also poverty.

All because you lost ambition when you had a baby and couldn't see that you need to be financially productive.

It's called the feminisation of poverty for a reason. It's a trap.

Again, you’ve had two children. Are you going to rely on someone else to support them and you, now that you’ve suddenly decided your work life is optional, and hope that person sticks around and doesn’t resent being stuck with the position of sole breadwinner?

It had the opposite effect on me, I wanted to do as well as I could in order to give my kids a better standard of living, and stay self sufficient, as you never know what's around the corner. In my case I would have been screwed if I hadn't. If you're married to a rich man and are confident of getting enough of the assets in the event of divorce/ tragedy to house yourself for life it's a different matter. I still would find it a bit boring, and quite lonely too, to not have a job.
If you enjoy housework etc that's great for you. I think it is calming to clean things too, but it's only a few hours a week. Once the kids are at school what will you do?
Is it another form of rebellion do you think, to turn your back on the rat race?

I agree. And I wonder who sold it. You do you OP, if you want to be a housewife, be a housewife. I don't like cleaning or doing any domestic things so it's not for me, but if that's what you enjoy why not. Also, your DC will love having you at home, means you can really be there for her, go on school trips maybe even volunteer at their school. All the best! Who cares what anyone else thinks.