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Original poster

Child maintenance

180 replies

Teantoast1 · 21/04/2025 07:50

Me and my ex have been broken up for 3 years now, he does pay a private agreed amount every month for child maintenance, however he is due to have another baby in 6 weeks and the closer the time is approaching I’m worried my child will be left out financially,would it be wise to involve csa?

OP posts:
Bodonka · 21/04/2025 07:55

Is the private amount more than the calculator would suggest? If so, I’d avoid going to CSA as you’ll just end up with less money.

Wolfpa · 21/04/2025 07:56

Are you able to talk to him about it?

if you can’t ask him upfront I would be tempted to leave it and see what happens. If you start a CSA claim preemptively it could be seen as you firing shots and then damage your relationship.

Original poster
Teantoast1 · 21/04/2025 08:10

I think it is less but if I need extra for uniforms / dinners / clubs he does. I’m worried this will stop

OP posts:
Original poster
Teantoast1 · 21/04/2025 08:11

Wolfpa · 21/04/2025 07:56

Are you able to talk to him about it?

if you can’t ask him upfront I would be tempted to leave it and see what happens. If you start a CSA claim preemptively it could be seen as you firing shots and then damage your relationship.

He had reassured me that he won’t miss out but I can’t trust him

OP posts:
Wolfpa · 21/04/2025 08:19

If I were in the position that I told someone that maintenance would stay the same and they then went and started a claim it would damage the relationship.

when his new child comes the CSA calculation is going to drop have you ran the figures?

ItsStillWork · 21/04/2025 08:22

If you went to the cms then he would most likely stop the extra uniform etc contributions.

the cms also take into account another child and he would get a percentage taken off what they calculate for you.

Zanatdy · 21/04/2025 08:24

Don’t involve the CMS as they will advise he can give less maintenance when he has another child. Little you can do if he is paying the minimum.

Original poster
Teantoast1 · 21/04/2025 09:05

ItsStillWork · 21/04/2025 08:22

If you went to the cms then he would most likely stop the extra uniform etc contributions.

the cms also take into account another child and he would get a percentage taken off what they calculate for you.

Would he legally not have to pay for uniforms etc

OP posts:
Cerialkiller · 21/04/2025 09:08

Teantoast1 · 21/04/2025 09:05

Would he legally not have to pay for uniforms etc

Show quote history

No he only needs to pay for mandated cm minimum.

CopperWhite · 21/04/2025 09:10

If you go to CMS you will get the minimum he is required to pay by law and a deduction will be made for his new children. If he’s giving you a good amount at the moment it’s because he thinks that’s the right thing to do, and he will only stop if you piss him off or he can’t afford it.

Do a CMS calculation on the website, and if you currently get more than it states you should get, stay quiet and do nothing.

He has the same obligation to pay for uniforms that you do.

Kitchensnails · 21/04/2025 09:10

Teantoast1 · 21/04/2025 09:05

Would he legally not have to pay for uniforms etc

Show quote history

No, just a sum for maintenance. The calculation also takes into account his new child and his contribution to your child would be less. Personally if he's been reliable I'd see how it goes before going via CMS.

ItsStillWork · 21/04/2025 09:12

Teantoast1 · 21/04/2025 09:05

Would he legally not have to pay for uniforms etc

Show quote history

No, the monthly cms amount has to cover everything.

he can give extra if he wants to, but legally he doesn’t have to

BookArt55 · 21/04/2025 09:14

So the only reason you are considering going to CMS is because he's having a baby?
No, you're wrong. This would damage any relationship. You've had 3 years of him being reliable, paying more than expected, and chipping in for uniform etc. CMS should only be used for unreliable parents who don't pay.
Also, he won't be expected to pay for uniform etc so it appears that you have a better deal now that you would through CMS.
Go on the CMS calculator and if you know what he earns you can see for yourself.

BillyBoe46 · 21/04/2025 09:15

Has he given you any reason not to trust him? Does he pay on time, every time or does he miss payments? If you know his income you vsn put it in the cm calculator. But, be sure to include the new baby because that will reduce his cm liability to you. He also will only be responsible for the cm amount so will only need to pay for uniform,shoes, school trips, if he feels like it. You need to weigh up the financial pros and cons. You also need to consider the impact of going to CM on your coparenting relationship.

JollyGreenSleeves · 21/04/2025 09:19

What does he pay currently? You don’t have to give exact monetary figure- but what percentage of his salary does he pay?

Does he have regular, stable contact?

Does he contribute towards clothes, school trips, extra costs like clubs?

Does he pay according to a schedule so you know when you can expect it? Does he ever not pay?

ToKittyornottoKitty · 21/04/2025 09:20

If he’s paid child maintenance plus extra for uniforms etc when needed for 3 years then I wouldn’t go to CMS now, wait and see if it’s needed

Original poster
Teantoast1 · 21/04/2025 09:24

no he’s never missed a payment, and has him 3 nights every 2 weeks however when I’ve asked him recently to help towards petrol money to get him to and from clubs through the week I think the new gf is starting to get in his ear and has started gl become difficult to get these extra payments / help

OP posts:
bigboykitty · 21/04/2025 09:26

Does your ex share proof of his income with you and use the CMS calculator to decide the payment? Has maintenance increased over the past 3 years to reflect pay increases? Or does he just give you an amount that he's decided, or that the two of you have agreed is fair? CMS will definitely reduce payments when he has another child. It depends whether or not what he's paying is fair in the first place. It also sounds like he's fair around contributing to other costs, which CMS won't require him to do. If you know his income, you can work out which route would leave you better off.

Helpmeplease2025 · 21/04/2025 09:29

You can put his salary into the CMS calculator and see if you’d be better off. It doesn’t cover uniforms specifically or petrol money etc. It would also drop when he has another child if he updates CMS with this.

If he also works for himself or a Ltd company etc, the CMS is easily fiddled to be assessed on a very low amount (min wage)

SeaDragon17 · 21/04/2025 09:29

Work out on the CMS site what you think his payments would be now, and compare to what he has paid (bare in mind there is no “extras” with CMS, what you get covers everything). Then work it out again adding in an extra dependent for him.

Then decide if the bad blood is worth it.

Original poster
Teantoast1 · 21/04/2025 09:31

No it’s never increased over the years, we did it on the gov calculator when we first broke up and never increased since then, when I have asked for an increase and told him i will go to csa he has already said the extras will stop, I don’t want to shoot myself in the foot but I don’t want my son missing out either

OP posts:
ToKittyornottoKitty · 21/04/2025 09:44

Teantoast1 · 21/04/2025 09:31

No it’s never increased over the years, we did it on the gov calculator when we first broke up and never increased since then, when I have asked for an increase and told him i will go to csa he has already said the extras will stop, I don’t want to shoot myself in the foot but I don’t want my son missing out either

When you add the extras in is it still below CMS? Bare in mind they will account for him having an extra child in his home too

Bigfatsunandclouds · 21/04/2025 09:44

Do you know his salary? If you are always having to ask for extra and he's getting funny about paying it, I would. It turned out that a friend's ex lied about his wage by 20k and was giving her less for years. It would stop the extras but you may not need it if he doesn't pay the minimum.

Daleksatemyshed · 21/04/2025 09:45

I'd leave it and see Op, he's already said if you go to CMS that will be the only money he sends you. Legally he doesn't have to pay extra money for uniforms or petrol so you could end up worse off.

ToKittyornottoKitty · 21/04/2025 09:45

Also if you fall out he can go for 50/50 to avoid paying maintenance at all. I think if you can wait and see then he might not mess you around and you may end up better off overall