Child maintenance

[Teantoast1]

Me and my ex have been broken up for 3 years now, he does pay a private agreed amount every month for child maintenance, however he is due to have another baby in 6 weeks and the closer the time is approaching I’m worried my child will be left out financially,would it be wise to involve csa?

I meant generous in comparison to others, I’d be over the moon if my ds dad even offered to pay part for clubs let alone the rest!!

What are they doing with the baby?

I would be careful. Dhs ex is difficult and when they split they did what you did and worked it out on the maintenance calculator. Dh has always paid her more than the minimum, pays for his 2 children’s uniforms, school dinners, school trips, clubs and whenever she asked for anything like ds needs some new trainers he would get them. But then when he moved in with me she got a bit ridiculous. First one was ringing up up asking for £500 to pay her rent the day after she got back from Poland after having cosmetic surgery for breast implants. He told her no. Then she asked for him to pay her maintenance early so she could have her hair done for a wedding she was going to. Obviously told her no and she got annoyed and said well you don’t pay me enough I’m going to the cms. Dh said ok if that’s what you want.

cms got in contact asked for wage slips over the last 4 years (since they had split) and bank statements with payments to her and any payments that were in regards to the children highlighted. They also took into account that dh drives to pick them up and drop them off and that my 2 children live with us. He also has his children every weekend and half the holidays. It turns out that over that 4 years he had overpaid her by £8000. So they told him he didn’t have to pay her any maintenance for x amount of time until that £8000 had been effectively paid back.

she was not happy and dh didn’t stop paying her either because he sees that as money for his children and their upkeep but it made her realise that what he does is far more than legally required.

Is he employed or self employed?

If he's employed 'officially', cms will work out what he owes (from hmrc). They may be slow but they do have a system of getting that money.

If he's self employed don't go through cms.

There are various strategies used by deadbeat dads to avoid paying cms. One of these is to manipulate their income via their business.

If you think he may start working for cash or just resign, don't go via cms.

Yes it's shit, but that's the system.

I was with you OP (apart from the petrol money) until this post. Now you’re starting to sound a bit grabby

It’s not a race to the bottom.

there are always people who come on to these threads whose ex pay nothing and their advice to women is be grateful for anything - I get nothing. You are greedy if you want more than whatever you get because I get nothing.

We have no idea if £350 a month is generous because we have no idea what this man earns.

Absolutely not. Your ex’s new girlfriend has no finance responsibility to your child.

OP said they used the calculator to work out what he should pay originally which was only 3 years ago and he is in the same job, so it’s not going to be vastly out.

I would try not to worry until the time actually comes.

If he starts paying less then go through CMS but they will take into account that he’s got a second child.

But £10 a week? Are you really claiming it takes £80 of petrol a month to get your kid to clubs?

(80 since you pay half)

No just half

Apologies fair would be a better word for what I was trying to say not generous.

my point is it sounds like he pays maintenance, additional costs clubs, phone etc. I’m not sure why op is asking for more at this point & cms unlikely to give it, especially if he can evidence over paid in the past.

Is he still in the same job?

He's on a relatively low wage if you calculated it at 250 when you split.

If he's already on a low wage with a baby on the way then £40 a month plus the other £100 in extras is huge.

Ultimately you need to choose whether you'll be better off going to CMS and getting a fixed amount per month, or keeping things as is and hoping he can still pay the extras.

So OP was £250 what the calculator said he should pay 3 years ago?

Yes it was

So why do you think £350 is less than what he should be paying now if he’s in the same job?

Because extras I’ve asked for recently have been declined. I’m worried that this is the start of it and extras will be stopped once baby arrives, should I go to csa to avoid this happening is my question

The cms won’t tell him to pay extras though … if you can have a guess at his pay you can put it in the online calculator to check

Yep I answered that ages ago, as have many others. Some of your extras like petrol are cheeky so maybe they are just sick of that. CMS won’t avoid extras being stopped, it will basically guarantee it. I think there’s a really reasonable chance you’d end up worse off financially going to CMS, so I’d wait and see what happens first

You won’t get any extras at all with the CMS. It’s based on what he earns, and that’s it; not what you think you need.

And his partner’s wage is absolutely irrelevant; she doesn’t contribute towards your child.

For example he couldn’t make it to his dads one night and asked for £10 for food as my son technically shouldn’t of been eating at mine that night the day after and that was also declined

If you go to CMS you may not get more than the 250, but it will be fixed and you will be able to plan finances accordingly. You won't get anything over and above that though.

If you're basing your decision on your, unreasonable imo, request for petrol money being denied, I think it would be pretty unwise at this point.

Is this really about your son missing out or is it about him having another child?

If he reneges on his promise then go to CMS but you are already shooting yourself in the foot with your growing list of extras.

You wanting his gf to also contribute financially is ridiculous.

Again seriously cheeky. What were you making your child at home that cost £10? Your kid isn’t a cash card. It’s probably time to thread more carefully