Child maintenance

[Teantoast1]

Me and my ex have been broken up for 3 years now, he does pay a private agreed amount every month for child maintenance, however he is due to have another baby in 6 weeks and the closer the time is approaching I’m worried my child will be left out financially,would it be wise to involve csa?

Your first step should be to put some estimates into the cms calculator to work out if your ex is paying what he should. If not, that’s your basis of a discussion about increasing his payments.
As others have said, this will go down when his baby is born (you can put that in the calculator too and work it out).
Whilst I agree that the other parent should contribute equally to all the things the child needs, that’s just not how cms/courts would see it. The extras for clubs/uniforms etc would not be enforceable.
Im also a single parent (no maintenance from my ex but I prefer it that way as he’s abusive, it would just be another element of control for him). Your point about working part time is not strictly true in relation to UC going down. UC will take off a percentage of your earnings above a threshold. So you’re still all the pounds up to the threshold better off, and then 45p per pound above the threshold better off. Plus you can claim 85% childcare costs back. It really does pay more to work more.
Clubs can be expensive, I know. There have been times my kids couldn’t do any. It’s good for them ti do one or two but you don’t have ti fill their whole week with them or go for the expensive ones. Cubs/scouts is great at that age and is usually affordable (ours is 8.50pm to cover the cost of the hall).

Oh, I’m well beyond being shocked at people’s willingness to fool themselves. I’ve seen clients point blank be told by their solicitors that their chosen course of action is going to blow up in their face, and forge ahead anyway because their gut, someone online or a friend told them that they’re definitely entitled to X, Y and X.

Of course when the ‘find out’ part of FAFO hits, it becomes the fault of the solicitor for not warning them.

Thank you for everyone’s advice
im definitely going to leave it and see if payments can increase monthly without having to ask for extras

Working more hours & career progression could then mean you are not reliant on UC at all. Keeping the maximum UC possible should not be your goal!

Firm agree. This is everything that is wrong with the system. I do not understand these people who would rather rely on benefits than be a success without handouts.

Literally. Wants the max from UC and more money from dad, doesn’t want to actually work to earn more money for herself & her child🫠

He didn't have his child over the scheduled 2 days and if the mum is struggling then I don't think it's unreasonable - she probably hadn't budgeted for those extra meals, especially as it's a weekend that's potentially 6 extra meals and snacks.

So you work fulltime too?

You should work more hours if you want more money. I hope your ex tells you to wise up and get a full time job! If I was his girlfriend there’s no way I’d let him contribute ‘extras’ to a women who can’t even be arsed to work fulltime to provide for her own child. You and people like you are why Uc is being cut. We are tired of going to work every day to fund you to stay at home. In 8 years you will be in financial trouble as all the free money will stop…..

I don’t think this is fair - she probably has to do all the school pick up and drop offs as well as spend more time around the 13 weeks of holidays looking after DS. It’s blooming hard enough to do with 2 parents let alone being a single parent. If I was in a position where I would take home less money to work more and see my kids less then I wouldn’t be rushing to go back to work full time either. The problem is with the system that puts the maximum hours you can work at 16 hours or whatever it is.

OP looking at your updates I think you’ve made the right decision. Lots of good advice here and the truth is you could be worse of going to CMS than you are now. If at all possible maybe squirrel away a tenner regularly into a savings account incase the additionals do stop once the baby is here and think of back up - is there a grandparent you could ask for a small monthly amount to help towards half the clubs etc. As others have said there is no legal requirement for him to pay the additionals although morally I thinkhe should do if he can afford it.

I do agree with previous posters that it’s unlikely to be costing £40 a month to get to his club and back unless it’s really far away. Perhaps in future if ex can’t have DS on a certain time just make sure you rearrange for a weekend you were supposed to have him so you have a full weekend back, DS gets to spend time with his Dad and you can recoup the money that way unless you genuinely can’t afford to feed DS for the extra 2 days. I know it’s annoying because you are both responsible for him however you do need to play the long game a bit and if it seems like you’re “billing” him for every little thing then his patience may run out and it sounds like you’re are getting more now than you would be entitled to if you went through CMS.

It’s very interesting because there’s another thread on here where a SM mentioned her DH was paying £300/m towards her DSC. Loads of people on there saying £300 to raise one child and furious with that OP for suggesting that £300 was plenty. However no sympathy at all for how much it costs to raise a child and the implication (which I don’t agree with)that you’re a scrounger. I suspect that there’s always people wanting to bring women down on this website regardless of what they write

If I was in a position where I would take home less money to work more and see my kids less then I wouldn’t be rushing to go back to work full time either. The problem is with the system that puts the maximum hours you can work at 16 hours or whatever it is.

This isn't the case anymore. You could maximise your benefits this way on tax credits, although I was still better off working full time.

Universal Credit doesn't work that way though.

Not sure what system you think that is, but that’s not how UC works. She will be better off financially if she works full time, that’s how UC works.

Happy to stand corrected if things have changed. OP stated her UC payments would be cut if she worked more hours which I assumed to mean she would take home less than if she worked full time - surely it’s individualised and based on what job you do but I appreciate you have direct experience which I don’t so again happy to stand corrected.

It may also be a logistical nightmare to try and sort childcare during school holidays if working full time and main parent if she hasn’t got any support. I obviously don’t know her exact situation either but just wanted to show another piece of the puzzle to posters stating she is the reason why UC is being cut etc. there’s loads of valid reasons why some people work part time and claim UC.

She will get less UC, but overall with her wages she'll be better off.

I agree that childcare as a single parent isn't easy. I did it for years, with 2 DC. But difficult doesn't mean impossible.

Wow. Rare I’m shocked on mn

you are so grabby

Wanting an extra £10 a week for petrol so £40 a month

and £10 to feed him for an extra meal - a bit of pasta - beans on toast - jacket isn’t going to cost much

It’s absolutely fair, you’ve created a narrative about school drop offs and holidays being the reason but OP already said in her own words that the reason she won’t work more hours is that her UC payments would then go down. You’re also incorrect in talking about 16 hours, there is no limit to how many hours you can work while claiming UC, it tapers so that it does pay to work, if your wage goes up then your universal credit decreases, but you’re not worse off for working.

OP wants dad & UC to fork out the max while carefully keeping herself doing the minimum.

Oh you don’t want to work for the money

gotcha

I have to work 30hrs a week and have a 8yr at school

def not 16 once they go to school

plus if on uc they will pay 85% of childcare fees if had a full time job

Utter nonsense. I worked full time as a single parent of two. So many excuses. It’s doable. You just have to want to!

Ignore the people saying you shouldn’t say anything, or shouldn’t worry. Some women on here seem to be grateful if their exes remember their kids names or contribute a kitkat, it’s depressing as hell and the child maintenance situation in this country is shambolic. I think terming it as extras is muddying the water slightly as it suggests you want more than you deserve or are entitled to - asking for petrol towards club taxiing around and money towards food isn’t an extra really, more a recognition that cost of living has increased. If you went through cms he would have to declare his income and chances are it has increased since you initially checked. Maybe check how much would be deducted based on him having a child and see what it says?

Yep.

Any solution other than OP having to support herself. Speaks volumes.

Dc dad isn't a bloody cash machine. Totally unreasonable asking for £10 - beyond petty

This. Time to manage your own finances completely, and not be reliant on keeping him sweet for any other purpose than to get along amicably for the sake of your dc. You're separated now.

Exactly, I'm surprised why you don't trust him about finances when he's paid more than he has to, on time, regularly.

That's what the child maintenance is for I'm not surprised the new gf is in his ear about this and I'm in your position