Child maintenance

[Teantoast1]

Me and my ex have been broken up for 3 years now, he does pay a private agreed amount every month for child maintenance, however he is due to have another baby in 6 weeks and the closer the time is approaching I’m worried my child will be left out financially,would it be wise to involve csa?

I don’t know what his earnings are now

Or he is factoring in having another child to financially support into his calculations. It's not possible to tell whether you'd be better off via CMS or not, but you'd have more certainty over what you'd recieve if you'd find that beneficial?

The amount will only drop slightly for his new child, has his job changed much since you split? You say you put the details in the gov website so unless his job has changed much then it would be reasonable to assume he's on the same salary or a bit more than he was 3 years ago

Yeah it’s the same job

I found it easier to just go to CMS and then you get a set payment and you can sort your finances that way.

He's not going to have the same money when the baby arrives so you may be relying on him for an extra payment for uniform, and he could just refuse and there's nothing you can do about it.

I think paying for uniforms and dinners and clubs is fine, but it is a bit of a piss take to ask for petrol money imo.

Yeah I just feel like having another child shouldn’t mean my child misses out

Google his average salary put it into the calculation plus his new child and any other children in the household obviously add in any overnights (days don't count) and see if its worth the hassle

So he's kept the payment the same for several years in spite of pay rises and if you question this he threatens to withdraw additional contributions? My friend's ex did this for 18 years...

If you've said you'll "go to the CSA" then that's difficult not to interrupt threateningly. You say you can't trust him, but on the surface it looks like you can. He's never not paid, or paid a lower amount, and he's paid extras. His salary might have crept up a bit in the last few years but you'll lose a bigger chunk if you go through CSA due to him now having another child. You'll also get money knocked off for every night your child spends with him. I think you'll end up shooting yourself in the foot. Have an open and honest conversation with him, and ask what his salary is, rather than just deciding you "can't trust him".

If you’re happy with the amount you get plus the extras and he’s not given you a reason to not trust him then I’d stay as you are.

It was only £10 extra a week I was asking for the petrol money

He works the hours that he’s at clubs so the back and forth to clubs is always on me

Still cheeky asking for petrol money, that’s what the maintenance is for

No.

Be careful going to CMS because you could easily end up worse off. He doesn’t have to give you money for petrol or uniform, or anything at all, other than a child maintenance payment each month. He could stop it all tomorrow.

Going via CMS is good in that it means it’s all official and you know how much you get but you don’t get anything on top of that from him, and remember CMS will reduce what he has to pay you once he has another child. It will also reduce for any children living with him so if he has any step-kids for example then that will also reduce what he owes you.

It’s only because since there’s been a baby that issues are occurring

£40 a month for petrol?

I don't think this is the gf getting in his ear, it's him setting a boundary for the extras he will pay for.

How much is he paying per month?

I would wait and see. My partner used to pay his ex privately but she was convinced if she went through CSA she would get more, turns out she got less. Then we've had a baby of our own since and now she gets even less. Issue is, unless you know exactly what he earns you probably won't know what you'll get through CSA

No of course it shouldn't, but sadly 'officially' via CMS it will, and he's likely to be more mindful of spending. It doesn't mean it's morally correct, but it's better to come to terms with the reality. It sounds like he's intending to keep paying the amount he's been paying, and he probably feels differently about paying towards uniform/clothes etc than petrol (I'd feel the same tbh). Perhaps ask for money towards the club fees than petrol?

Although I don't fully agree with the CMS agreement (that things like petrol, nursery fees aren't factored into the assessment) from what I have read from your responses, you are being unreasonable. Asking for another £40 a month might not be a viable option for them, you changed the goalposts by asking, he is allowed to say no.
Go to CMS for consistency so you can confidently manage your money. However it sounds like you'll be worse off and dad is neing reasonable with his financial contributions.
I personally would wait until baby arrives, if he stopped paying, or reduced the amount drastically below cms calculator amount then I'd go to cms.

It went off the amount he was earning and nights my son stayed there but that amount hasn’t changed in 3 years

But he’s also paying you extras, which you’re not actually entitled to? Asking for petrol money is really cheeky! He has another child, it’s normal that finances would be tighter and he’s not willing to fund your petrol when he already pays maintenance!

yeah maybe your right, he does pay towards the club I didn’t think asking for petrol money was unreasonable as I’m the only one to get him there through the week

But you get maintenance from him, that's where the petrol money should be coming from.

But that's the kind of thing maintenence is for.