Child maintenance

[Teantoast1]

Me and my ex have been broken up for 3 years now, he does pay a private agreed amount every month for child maintenance, however he is due to have another baby in 6 weeks and the closer the time is approaching I’m worried my child will be left out financially,would it be wise to involve csa?

Is anybody else strongly reminded of this thread and OP?

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5294980-child-benefit-rival-claim-ex-partner-earning-loads

i Wonder whether asking him for more for a month for example £300 and that would cover everything and you not asking for extras any longer. He probably needs to plan the finances for the new baby and it will help you budgeting - I mean this kindly OP but if you cannot afford the clubs and getting him there, he probably shouldn't be going.

No not really. That poster has 2 kids not 1 and they share custody differently. Other than being cheeky OPs and about CMS they are quite different

You did what???

10

Yeah that could be an option I just feel guilty if I had to stop his clubs

Younger than I assumed then after mention of a phone. Do you work? Either full or part time?

My ex refused to contribute towards clubs at all, and actually hasn't paid anything at all for the last 10 years, and even when he did pay it was a lot less than £350 I worked full time, whilst being a single Mum of 2. No it's not a race to the bottom. I don't think that because I fit nothing others should be grateful. But I do think you have to help yourself at times. And if you can't afford all the clubs he'll have to stop some. Or you have to make savings elsewhere.

I can’t believe that any decent dad would think that was okay! You shouldn’t have to do it on your own, I do work yes I work part time

I know, you want to give the best to your kids but sometimes, if you're struggling to make ends meet then this is what needs to happen.

Ok now I'm just thinking this is fake. Are you serious?!

he made plans over 2 nights of the scheduled 3 I don’t think asking for £10 to make up for the loss of nights and food is unreasonable

This is unbelievable. All of it. Perhaps CMS would be for the best.

Stop asking your ex for money for random reasons because you've decided you're entitled to it.

If you can’t afford to feed your son an extra meal for less than £10 you must have quite expensive tastes so perhaps you could work full time.

It's just needlessly nit picking in my opinion. It sounds like at the moment you have some good will between you but constant requests like that one will ruin it. In my experience there has to be a certain amount of give and take in these situations

You need to be working full time to fund your own life without asking your ex for money for whatever reason takes your fancy

Please be mindful that I’m a single parent and my UC payments will then be reduced the more hours I work

Of course it's not OK, and he's far from a "decent dad" (he was until he met his now wife, but that's another matter).

But I find the idea of asking for an extra £10 because he cancelled wild. If he had an extra day would you pay him? Honestly. My ex cancelled all the time. Not only could I not ask for more money but I had to find last minute childcare/ cancel a work shift. I learned quite quickly to have childcare option a,b,c and a 4th backup just in case.

I had a partner about 20 years ago. He had 2 kids. He had them 3 nights a week. He had to reduce his CM from £1000 pcm to £500 due to problems in his business. Anyhow,, his ex kicked off and went to CM. The looked over his finances and awarded her £250 PCM.

CMS will take into account that he is responsible
for another child and factor this into their calculation. I believe it’s a reduction of 11% from the amount you would otherwise receive if he had no other dependents.

They won’t take into account ‘extras’, and his girlfriend’s income is irrelevant.

By taking this to CMS you risk the amount you’re already receiving being reduced, and him refusing to pay towards any extras going forward. That is not to say don’t go to CMS, but be mindful of this.

Don’t fall into the trap of blaming the girlfriend when it’s entirely possible, if not probable, that he’s independently taking into account that his circumstances have/are changing and he can no longer fund your additional requests.

Jesus Christ woman! How do you not know all this??

You’re a cheeky bastard OP!

You'd be surprised at people's attitudes. DH's ex demanded more money and went to CMS because we own a house and car so therefore must be loaded. This was despite DH paying well over what the CMS calculation was and having DSD 3 days a week so DSD was living in the house and being driven everywhere in said car.

She thought I must have loads of money, absolute nonsense but people are funny with money.

The calculator 3 years ago said he should pay £250 per month, when having his child 3 nights out of 14. This is not a high earner by any means. He is still in the same
job now and annual pay increases have been poor for many these last few years. Add in the fact that he will soon have another child, and it's extremely likely his cms calculation will be lower than it was 3 years ago. Going to cms will create more problems than it solves and he'll likely say he can no longer afford the extras- half the phone bill/ clubs / school dinners etc. Of course his partners income won't be taken into account, you can't seriously expect another woman to help fund your child. She'll already be doing that to an extent on the 3 nights he's at their house.

Your kid is 10, old enough to walk or cycle to school or clubs and back himself. Old enough to be home alone after school if you can't afford clubs. He will be at high school very soon.

Working full time and having your own money would be a better and more reliable solution.

Get a full time job and stop using your kid as a cash cow!! Honestly. Were you married? If so did you have a financial agreement as part of divorce?! Otherwise don’t fall into the grabby trap like my husbands ex, she did herself out of £100 a month by going to the CMs whilst I continue to get the minimum plus half of all clubs school inform and dinner money etc by being civil with my ex ( and had it written into my financial settlement)

ps - no 10 year old needs a phone.