Child maintenance

[Teantoast1]

Me and my ex have been broken up for 3 years now, he does pay a private agreed amount every month for child maintenance, however he is due to have another baby in 6 weeks and the closer the time is approaching I’m worried my child will be left out financially,would it be wise to involve csa?

Jesus, you want to invoice him for absolutely everything, and kick off when he says no.

He doesn't need to give you the extras. That doesn't mean he shouldn't. It just means that he's not legally required to. I think he's been pretty generous paying £100 more a month than he's required to. His wages have probably gone up in the last 3 years in line with minimum wage. However, so has the cost of living. You're suggesting that the new baby and partner are the issue but it could just be that he can't afford to do it. I know we have had to make changes because are bills have skyrocketed. Maybe you need to look at your expenditure and what curs you xan make. I certainly can't afford for my kidscto do lots of clubs. I've also cut out-of season fruits and we only have takeout twice a month.

No. Cms is a flat rate. If they’re told they have to pay £200 a month - that’s all they legally have to pay. If your ex is decent, he can choose to pay extra for uniform, extra curricular, pocket money etc. But considering you have a private agreement, if you took it to Cms - you’ll likely lose the trust in him and he may refuse to pay any extra (and legally he would be in the right).

I would also note that Cms is brutal, self employed people like my ex can get away with not paying a penny. They can also put their children and step children on the claim to pay less. They can also claim travel costs if they travel to see their children. It’s not a lot of money dependant on wage anyway, 12% of income to us main parents putting in most of our salary to cover our children’s costs

I’m not surprised the extras have stopped, you seem to be taking the p out of him. I’m usually on the mother’s side regarding maintenance , but charging him to cook your child’s dinner is breathtakingly cheeky.

I could understand if dad couldn’t pick child up from school on his day and you had to pick him up or pay for afterschool club, charging him for your work you missed. But charging him for your child’s dinner is insane.

he obviously can see you’re taking advantage of him and doesn’t want to do that anymore

I’m going to wait and see what happens, after weighing my options up I think that’s best

Your child isn't a cash cow.

Be careful as your ex could go to the CMS himself if you keep making unreasonable demands.

Then all the extras will definitely stop.

Did the dad refuse to have him that night?

Why not put it into the online calculator and work out roughly how much he should be paying.

His wage has probably increased but he’ll be expected to pay less with a second child, so it will probably work out similar to what you’re getting now.

They won’t include extras.

She’s not wrong though if it’s optional for him to turn up and feed his child why should she pick up the slack?
No doubt she’s working to a budget the anticipate she won’t have to feed him on those certain nights
Imagine if the Mum’s just turned around and said no don’t have the money. Don’t have the time. Got a better offer.

Op said that he couldn't make it to his dad's, not that the dad was unable to have him.

Good. Because to be honest, that is ridiculous. I'm out of here.

You sound very grabby OP. He’s already paying more than he needs to, in the way of extras. You tried to ‘charge’ him for ds food on a night he should have been with his dad?! Wow! And yes, his new baby will and should alter/affect any payments to you.

Sorry, I misread that but still if she’s on her budget, she’s on a budget.
He was meant to be feeding the child. He probably should’ve flicked the tenner over if things are that tight.

I would personally see how it goes, information him if he misses a payment you will be contacting them but do remember that once baby is born amount cms would say he has to give you would reduce, so whilst you may think the amount his paying is less than it would be through cms, it's possible it may be more than he would need to pay once baby arrives.

The dad of my oldest two pays me a set amount each month and pays for my car on finance (this is due to me driving them to and picking them up from his each weekend). He also pays the diesel.
If I ask for extras he doesn't turn it down but I rarely do as he would not do the same when they are at his.

While I get that the system doesn't always seem fair you need to be careful here. Unless he's had massive pay rises over past few years, with the new baby he would probably be ordered to pay less by CMS plus extras could well stop.
He doesn't legally have to pay half of expenses ie clubs, phone thats on you to pay out of CMS. Personally if he's got a new baby you are not doing yourself any favours asking for extra tenners for petrol and to feed your child - it doesn't cost £10 to make 1 extra child's tea. It comes across as jealousy that hes supporting his new family. Oh and his gf could be a millionaire it wouldn't matter a penny of difference her income is nothing to do with supporting your child

All I used to get was a measly £100 a month.

So the calculator says 250 but he's paying 350 and you still want more?

I think you are pushing him and he'll want the official route if you carry on and it will be the 250.

CMS don't usually backdate/ get involved in payments made before they were involved. And if the NRP had paid more than CMS say they should then it's done voluntarily and isn't owed back to them.

Mind you, they make the rules up as they go along!

@Teantoast1 How old is your child?

He had to do all of that to prove he had paid because she told them he hadn’t paid her anything.

This!

My ex DH claimed more for a child ( not even his) who lived with him 50% of the time (new wife’s child) than he paid for his own two.

Think carefully before rocking the boat.

That’s awful - but not relevant at all. Just because you had a feckless ex doesn’t mean all women should be grateful for child support

Don’t forget that even “together” families have been hit by the cost of living, so paying over and above for anything may no longer be possible.

Yes, but usually they don't care what had/hadn't been paid before the case was open with them.

But like I said, they make it up as they go along most of them time.

But where are you getting these figures for the extras from? It wouldn't have needed to cost you £10 to feed your son one meal so why would he pay that?