Would you pay back £11?

[StolenChanel]

I went out to an event recently with a non-close friend. We used to work together and thought we’d catch up as it was something we’re both interested in. We’re not close but friendly and always got along well. I paid for the tickets on my card and it was only £11. She said “send me your bank details so I can pay you back” and I did. A week has since passed and she still hasn’t paid me back. It’s only £11 so I haven’t chased it but honestly I’m a bit miffed. We both work in the same industry so I know we’re on similar salaries, (which really isn’t very high but also not very low either) but she is far more financially comfortable than I am. Her husband has a high paying job, her in laws do their childcare and she owns properties that she rents out. I, on the other hand, budget very tightly for each month and, with the cost of living and school holiday, this month’s budget has run through far quicker than usual.

I’m not going to bother chasing her for it as I’m not completely flat out (yet) and get paid in a few days anyway, but I’m just wondering if it’s normal to not pay someone back for something this small?

YANBU = she should have paid back
YABU = it’s only £11, get over it.

Be thankful that you haven't worried about whether or not you were getting back £11! Its certainly not nothing to some.

There’ll be a thread saying I drove a friend an hour there and back, she never offered to contribute and now she wants me to settle the £11 for the ticket! I don’t feel like paying her!

Drip feeds and reverses are the most annoying thing about MN.

If I drove someone two hours to an event and back and they asked me for £11 I’d think they’d lost the plot.

My thoughts as well. I always pay back anything I owe although not always immediately as I don’t have my banking app on my phone, just on my iPad at home. It’s rare though that I need to be reminded. On the other hand, I do find it awkward to remind someone to repay me once I’ve sent them my bank details, especially for a relatively small amount.

Unless it’s my brother or sister who owe me, in which case I would sent a jokey message to remind them!

This seems overkill for £11. I would expect that it’s so small an amount she’s forgotten she said she’d pay it. I’ve done that with similar sums of £20 ish. I did pay it back when I remembered. But if it was a larger amount, say £50, then I’d have remembered. The smaller amount is so inconsequential that it doesnt stick in your head.

Yes, drip-feed if ever there was one. As for I’m not going to bother chasing her for it but then have a go about her on mumsnet, in what world is that going to help.

Even if the agreement was to pay back £11, the fact that she did all the driving would be enough for me to forget all about asking for it back off her. Although this said, I am quite forward and if I had been the person driving I'd have said from the outset "Great - how's about you get the tickets and I'll drive us & cover the transport? We can sort ourselves out with food etc. when we get there".

Because, you know, life is all about give & take, and quitting while you're ahead.

You’ve paid £22 for 2 tickets, parking and drinks. So probably about £30-£35. She’s driven. I don’t think that’s equal. She owes you the price of one ticket.

She drove , you paid for parking and drinks and she has offered to pay you back. Of course she should pay you back!

I think she’s probably forgotten, especially if £11 isn’t anything to her. Just chase politely. Hopefully she’ll be mortified and pay immediately.

I agree with this!
I think the fact OP paid for parking and drinks equalises the petrol.

So her friend still owes her £11 for the ticket.

To be fair, that would seem pretty even, and I wouldn't ask for the ticket money from the person who drove.

It's all relative isn't it? 11 quid is nothing to some, important to others. 🤷‍♀️

I would message her this, sorry to chase but £11 might mean something I can do with the kids versus not. Please can you send over asap. I hate people like this, it's a form of gaslighting as it makes you feel like the bad guy for their shitty behaviour.

Totally disagree - driving is tiring, it means you can’t have a drink and you have to be fully alert the whole way home.

I'd wait until Friday which will be payday for lots of people.

Drinks and parking cancel out the drive, so yes she still owes you for the tickets. It’s very murky though, so I don’t think I’d chase.

I personally wouldn’t chase, but I know my friends and I know they would pick up the tab next time.

I wasn’t having a go at all, I’m just wondering if I am the one who is being unreasonable here, hence posting in AIBU.

I can’t remember who the PP was who asked how much drinks and parking came to, but it was around the £10 - £12 mark in total. Parking was £7 and I can’t remember what drinks she got but they were soft drinks.

As I said, it isn’t something I’m losing sleep over, I’m just wondering whether or not most people would think to pay back. My social circle and I always pay people back instantly when they buy things on my behalf, but we’re all from very different backgrounds to this friend who has never had to think about money. I know MN generally has people from backgrounds similar to this friend, so I was just wondering what the norm is. The “middle class world” is still very new to me.

All those things you mention though are nothing to do with the money side of things, separate issue. She shouldn’t have offered to drive if it’s that much of a strain for her (which I don’t actually think it was, seeing as she was clearly happy too!)

This has changed my view, did you offer fuel/parking money? In this case I would have paid the £11 for a friend who drove me

Personally I wouldn't bother. But if you need the money, you need the money.

She did offer to pay you back, so she must have been willing. However if she's done the driving, it's probably even Stevens.

She paid the £7 parking and was drinking soft drinks as she was driving you

i wouldn’t be chasing the £11. What would you have done without her? Expensive taxi?

Disagree. Any time I've driven to events I've always been treated to drinks because of the above reasons.
So in my opinion op paying for drinks cancels out the hardship of driving.
The OP paying for tickets and parking cancels out fuel and wear-n-tear costs of the car.
So in my opinion they are even!
But I understand why OP was panicking when she thought she was getting £11 back and it never came through.

No I paid the £7 parking and we both drank soft drinks as it wasn’t really that type of event. It was in London so soft drinks are pricier than usual but we wouldn’t have been drinking anyway.

So, half of that then. And the friend owes £11 for the ticket and half of the drinks (or at least her own drink) and parking.

In fact, the drink and parking pretty much equal the fuel, so the friend should definitely pay for the ticket!

I guess we are all different but personally to me, driving is no hardship. It’s literally nothing to me. My commute to work is a 1hr40 round trip every day.
The OPs friend did say she was happy to pay £11 for the ticket and asked for bank details, so if she felt driving was so tiring and such a hardship maybe she would’ve taken that opportunity to say so? I think it’s more likely she had no issue driving, fully intended to pay the £11, but has now forgotten despite being chased, leading OP into this awkward situation.

But in your OP you say you are "miffed" so it must be troubling you to some extent. At least, allow this experience to set the boundaries for the next one. As in, get the money before you order. Lay out the ground-rules from the outset. Be that person who starts with "now do forgive me as these things are impossible to word politely, but can I just ask which of us should pay for the..." and go from there. Good luck.