Would you pay back £11?

[StolenChanel]

I went out to an event recently with a non-close friend. We used to work together and thought we’d catch up as it was something we’re both interested in. We’re not close but friendly and always got along well. I paid for the tickets on my card and it was only £11. She said “send me your bank details so I can pay you back” and I did. A week has since passed and she still hasn’t paid me back. It’s only £11 so I haven’t chased it but honestly I’m a bit miffed. We both work in the same industry so I know we’re on similar salaries, (which really isn’t very high but also not very low either) but she is far more financially comfortable than I am. Her husband has a high paying job, her in laws do their childcare and she owns properties that she rents out. I, on the other hand, budget very tightly for each month and, with the cost of living and school holiday, this month’s budget has run through far quicker than usual.

I’m not going to bother chasing her for it as I’m not completely flat out (yet) and get paid in a few days anyway, but I’m just wondering if it’s normal to not pay someone back for something this small?

YANBU = she should have paid back
YABU = it’s only £11, get over it.

Drip feed!
Wait a min, she drove you for an hour there and an hour back, for free, and you want her to pay you back £11 for the ticket? In that case I take back everything I said before, YABU. VU

Well that is a bit of a drip and if I've had someone drive me for an hour away (both ways?) I would think I'd owe them tbh.

It really pisses me off when I read stories like this, if someone is good enough to lend you money in whatever form, then it should be paid back at the earliest opportunity, and people should NEVER assume that because someone offered to pay for something, on the understanding the money would be paid back, that the lender doesn't actually NEED that money. I'd message her and say, 'you seem to have forgotten to pay the £11 you owe me, please send it by the end of the day, as I need it'.

Sorry I didn’t mean to drip feed. When we were booking the event, I had said I wouldn’t be able to go as my car would be in the garage that day and she said “don’t worry, I’ll drive us”. She lives about a 10 - 15 min walk from me so I walked to and from hers and she drove.

I’m driving for a friend and I to a place an hour away and back and she’s bought tickets for us both and firmly told me I’m not to pay for mine as I’m driving

Yes, she drove and presumably paid for the petrol (& parking?) so she does not owe you. I have a neighbour who often cadges a lift to a mutual hobby and it’s really annoying how she doesn’t recognise the costs involved.

With your update about the driving, I wouldn’t chase it.

@BakelikeBertha

most friends don’t speak to each other like that though..,at least not nine.

for me that would depend on her interest in the event. If she was going anyway and happy for company then it hasn't cost her any more to drive you too (though I still think it's good manners to offer fuel money as someone else has taken on the burden of driving or stopped you having to use public transport). But if she was mildly interested and might not have gone otherwise but you going was the trigger I would say it is more the done thing to offer fuel money.

But generally I concur with PP that you need to chase again. I can be slow at paying back just because I get busy and if I get a reminder text when I'm in the middle of something I don't always remember to make the payment later on.

God no, it will have cost her as much probably in fuel!

That changes everything.

I wouldn't have asked for the £11 in that case.

If the event was an hour away - say 40 - 50 miles, then that's an 80 - 100 mile round trip. Assuming a total of 90 miles in a car that does 45 to the gallon (4.55 litres), where I live in the North west, that would have cost £1.40 x 4.55 x 2 (both ways) = £12.74. I doubt your non-close friend is thinking in those terms but it's worth remembering that an expense such as petrol, which can often seem invisible if the car doesn't need filling up, can be expensive. Add wear and tear on top and I think I wouldn't be chasing for the petrol. Could she have had second thoughts in terms of realising that in a way, she has already paid her fair share?

Massive drip feed!!

you should have offered to pay for her ticket not bitch about her for possibly forgetting.

that’s really mean of you tbh

Glad I voted you are being unreasonable after the drip feed. Goodness sake

This thread is making me very grateful for the laid back and generous friendship group I have!

I’d ask. Hey friend, juts wanted to check youve got the correct bank details as I still haven’t got the ticket price in my account- the details are……… and id assume that would prompt them if it’s juts that they forgot.

Considering she actively asked for your bank details, yes she should pay you back.

Did you pay for drinks to compensate for the driving?

This is fair. I’m glad I asked! I won’t be chasing.

Thanks everyone!

Yes, and parking.

I take back my earlier comment and I don’t think she owes you the £11. Possibly just half because of splitting the cost of fuel. Then I’d feel like I was splitting hairs and would insist she not bother sending the money and we’ll call it even but I don’t count pennies owed between friends/family.

I wouldn’t chase unless I had the debt collectors banging down my door!
And as she drove and saved you an hours worth of your own petrol you’ve got even less of a reason to remind her, you’re even.

I'm changing my vote after this dripfeed. You're both YABU and a bit of a CF.

Tricky if you think she's ignoring your message. But maybe it's just slipped her mind? I thought a friend had forgotten she owed me money a while back (less than £11, I think) but she suddenly remembered anyway and apologised. To be honest, she always wants us to balance costs but I'm not that bothered. When we meet up, we take turns to pay for things, I don't care about counting every penny. But I'd be offended if she didn't pay having said she would. I wouldn't tell her though, unless it was a large amount because I know she wouldn't be doing it on purpose. With other friends we either just take turns and don't count costs or pay for what we each owe at the time. My friend is well off but maybe a bit too literal.

In your case, with someone you are not close to, I might send one more reminder but otherwise let it go. Or you could say, hey let's not bother as you paid for the fuel. Then if you go out together again, decide in advance what you will do re costs.

Ah. I was about to say yes, she should definitely pay you back, but the driving does muddy the water. Guessing it would have cost you the £11 to get there by train or whatever. That said, if your car had been fine and you'd driven, would you have just sucked up the cost of fuel yourself? That's arguably not fair either.

I do think though that not answering your messages about this, but answering others, is not a good sign. Usually means someone is hoping you'll give up asking and they can keep their cash. If you go that route, don't arrange any more events with her, or certainly not without getting payment up front.

Right! Please stop drip-feeding!

If you paid for parking and drinks for her, that covers your share of the fuel costs so she does owe you the £11.

Or is there something else she paid for? The hotel costs?