Awkward shopping trip with MIL

[Harriett9]

I feel a bit awkward about a shopping trip I had with my MIL yesterday.

I gave birth 7 months ago, my DH was initially understanding in the first few months that I didn’t want to be intimate but he has become more frustrated recently.

My body has changed and I feel uncomfortable with my stomach. We’d been in a few shops and MIL suggested we visited a lingerie store. She pointed out a few outfits which would cover my stomach and said that ‘I’m sure DH would appreciate it, he has been working hard and you two deserve some alone time’.

When I got home I asked DH if he was aware she was going to do this and he said yes.

AIBU to find this really uncomfortable and inappropriate?

That would give me the ‘ick’ and I’d be telling him that.

Christ that’s bad! Why is he discussing your sex life with his mum ffs!

Reminds me of a friends MIL who had a full blown row with her as she ‘wasn’t sleeping with her son enough’ 😳

I'd be going home and telling him that if he ever discussed our sex life with his mother again, the marriage is over.

So intrusive of him to discuss it with her.
Depending on her personality she may have had good intentions of thinking you're avoiding sex because of self esteem and thought buying something like that might help you feel more comfortable in your body, I wouldn't necessarily be hugely annoyed at her (depending on what she's like and whether she's very supportive of you).
but the conment about him working hard like youre some sort of object hes owed is vile, and your husband hugely crossed boundaries discussing your sex life and body issues.

I wonder if she's generally nice whether she's concerned about DH leaving depending on what he's said. Doesn't make it OK but would mean it's more well intentioned than just interfering for no reason.

Omg, she thinks he's entitled to sex because he's been working hard?

I would really struggle to have sex with him ever again!

@Blackdowdid you miss the part where she gave birth a few months ago? JFC

That’s awful.. it’s like they have been talking behind your back about your body and feelings and I’m sure she said “oh she should get on with it like we used too” blurghhhhhhhhh

I would wait for a while and then I would find a way to do it back to her.

That’s so inappropriate He shouldn’t breathe a word about an intimate matter to anyone let alone his bloody mother.
Any decent mother would tell him as much
He shouldn’t be appreciative of your body after giving birth to a new life. Fuck his “ needs”

Just reading this made my undercarriage slam shut, so I can't imagine what experiencing it was like. That comment from MiL about how hard her little prince works is nauseating; so he's playing his part in providing for his baby and therefore he has a right to your body? If DH doesn't read her the riot act @Harriett9 do it for both of them. And while you're about it, warn DH where he's heading if this, or anything like it happens again.

Should be appreciative

Possibly they were just clumsy. Intimacy is important. Maybe he is just flailing around not knowing what else to do and he turned for help.

everyone is jumping on this as being awful but there is another reality here. If sex has now stopped for good, the marriage is dead in the water.

rightly or wrongly and it’s not for people here to say whether that’s good or not. It up to the OP

She’s 7 months post partum. Sex hasn’t “stopped dead” ffs. OP, your husband and his mother can get to the far side of fuck, in my opinion.

Do you have really poor reading comprehension? Because if you’re asking me that then you must do. You clearly didn’t read or understand a word I said.

This is truly awful and inappropriate. But, while you have everything right not to want sex and he should not be discussing this with his mother!, it does rather sound like he's desperately trying to make you feel better about your tummy. It's not ok, no, but 7 months post partum it's not strange for him to be concerned.

Ooooo that would have me in available for sex for another year or so ?

yuk and ick

I got awful injuries in childbirth and wasn't able to have sex. ExH knew the vague details but didn't want to discuss it or know anything about my surgery. Also refused to take time off when I came out of hospital and sulked about my mum staying to look after me. I had a lengthy operation and difficult recovery during which my hideous old bat of a MIL phoned me to say she was glad I'd had the op as her son had needs and had been very patient... I threw the phone at the wall so hard it shattered 😁. It was an absolute delight to divorce both him and her!

So, solidarity op. Your DH may have redeeming features and hopefully will apologise sufficiently, but you are absolutely right to feel as you do.

It took 9 years for my episiotomy scar to heal and not to become an open wound if I climbed more than 1 flight of stairs.

DC is now 14. DH is still here.

Not all men are (literal) dicks.

(Had he sent MIL in as a flying monkey he’d have been divorced sooner than he could say “shag”.)

Inappropriate and intrusive. I would not dream discussing things like that with my mum, never mind MIL! Private is exactly that - private, only your dh and you can discuss it. On second thoughts, there are some things that nobody should talk about even with their dh or dw.

Nothing wrong with my reading comprehension. The OP posts about an awkward shopping trip with her MIL and you offered unsolicited advice on how to sort her sex life out if she doesn't want her husband to divorce her.

He got his mummy to take you out to buy something so he could get his end away. Imagine how that conversation went.

Christ.

Very werid and awkward. If you haven't been intimate with your partner for 7 months also sounds like there are problems that need sorting

Rather than address the reason why you feel uncomfortable, he sent his mum to persuade you to get dressed up like some sex present?

No, that’s not what I did.
I understand that some people struggle with nuance and can’t actually have a conversation which isn’t simply black or white. But you’re an adult so by now, you should have recognised that you struggle to see the bigger picture have have a discussion with opposing viewpoints when both actually do have rights and wrongs, and you should just keep quiet rather than bulldoze through those conversations when you can’t understand them.

id be livid with your dh as this has all come from him. What an insensitive arsehole… honestly, I’d be furious.