Awkward shopping trip with MIL

[Harriett9]

I feel a bit awkward about a shopping trip I had with my MIL yesterday.

I gave birth 7 months ago, my DH was initially understanding in the first few months that I didn’t want to be intimate but he has become more frustrated recently.

My body has changed and I feel uncomfortable with my stomach. We’d been in a few shops and MIL suggested we visited a lingerie store. She pointed out a few outfits which would cover my stomach and said that ‘I’m sure DH would appreciate it, he has been working hard and you two deserve some alone time’.

When I got home I asked DH if he was aware she was going to do this and he said yes.

AIBU to find this really uncomfortable and inappropriate?

He got his mum to pick out sex clothes for you to wear for him? Omg. I’d be so creeped out but I’d like to think I’d get my dad to talk to him about performance and positions. Because I’m petty af.

Realistically I’d tell him he and his mother’s behaviour had made sure I didn’t want to have sex for the foreseeable future. So well done 👏

Eurgh. This is really insulting and such a turn-off. They have both behaved so badly.

That is fucking embarrassing. For your husband to have told his mum to take you kinky knicker shopping? I would've refused to go into a lingerie store with my MIL, or anyone for that matter unless I'd actually chosen to go there off my own bat.

Is your partner a massive mummy's boy and a sexist pig by any chance?

If he's not I cannot fathom for one second what either if them were thinking. If that's the pattern of those two then good luck with keeping your child away from them!

Yeah I think that's weird and a bit creepy he discussed his sex life with his mum.

But a bit if advice doggy style and he won't see your stomach. But I'm sure he won't mind it anyway and if he does he can get lost. You carried and birthed his baby and it's natural for your stomach to change.

No one should have sex they don't want to have, or be coerced into having it. I'm sure they have talked about already. OP doesn't feel ready. I bet she feels a whole lot less ready now too.

The MiL thing aside, why do men think that sexy lingerie is a turn on for women?
Especially since the type they like is usually full of itchy lace and corset-boning.

HER; "Sweetheart, I'm so sorry our love life has been a bit lacking lately. What with the kids/the job/the house/postpartum/menopausal/<insert reason here>, I just don't seem to be able to get in the mood.

HIM; "That's OK, Darling. Just trot out and buy yourself a boned corset, some crotchless pants, and garters and stockings. That'll get you in the mood!!!"

HER; 'Crickets'

OR

HER "Sweetheart, I'm so sorry our love life has been a bit lacking lately. What with the kids/the job/the house/postpartum/menopausal/<insert reason here>, I just don't seem to be able to get in the mood.

HIM "That's OK, Darling. Hey, come sit down and let's talk about a better division of household duties. I want to be sure I'm sharing equally with you. And never mind the load in the washer. I'll take care of it."

HER "Grrrr, C'mere Tiger!" (OK that may be an exaggeration)

Your husband discussed details of your intimate relation with his mother and arranged for her to intervene! I'm sorry I'd be calling it a day with the relationship. Heaven knows what else he's discussed with her

Get out!!! Get out now. He has no respect for you and his mother is a twat.

My face is 🤯 as I read your post. Fucking hell

Yanbu on so many levels - I would be embarrassed and furious that this wasn’t kept as a couple issue.

I am not usually a "show him this thread" kind of person but I think this dickhead needs to see how he has managed to not only give his wife the ick but women all over the country the ick too (I am not the UK so you could say women internationally). Yanbu.

Omg it would be at least another 7 months before I could even look at him. Wtaf!

🤮

I'm close to my MIL. Never would either of us talk about mine and DH sex life ever 🤣 nor would he go crying to his mum that I'm not giving him any. Obvs we've had 3 children and been together for 14 years so she knows it's happened 😂

This is bizarre. I'd be furious! Sorry you've been put through this!

The first I believe.

MIL has made me feel a bit uncomfortable previously. On our wedding night, I was speaking with my friend and she came over and said ‘I hope you are creating me a grandchild tonight’.

Yesterday, she told me that my SIL/her daughter was ‘at it’ again just 3 weeks after giving birth. Difference being that my birth was traumatic with a fairly long recovery time.

OMFG! This is SO inappropriate! Eeewwww!

I have nothing of value to add other than expressing my sympathy. I mean there is overstepping and then there’s what these two are doing.

And for what it’s worth, even if I had been willing to address and discuss the issue (if you feel it is) of the current lack of intimacy with my husband, after that stunt I’d not feel comfortable doing that. Because would that go back to my MIL and be analysed? So well done, they’ve made it ten times worse.

And added to that, it gives me the ick that the words “he’s worked so hard” even left her mouth! What’s that got to do with anything??? “oh sorry MIL, I didn’t realise our marriage was transactional. How many bricks does he have to lay for a shag? Do you think me putting out per every 50 spreadsheets is enough?”
Wtaf.

This is a grown man, and he needs to get mum to help with his sex life? It’s unattractive af. So sorry, OP.

Sorry, WTAF?!!

You are not a brood mare for her grandchildren or a sex doll for her man child!

LEAVE! You will never know respect in this household.

I don’t think I could ever come back from the ick this would give me. I have the ick for you, and as for his mother 🤦🏼‍♀️

So - what did you say to her? And what have you said to him?

From your posts it sounds like MIL is a PITA but how's your relationship with DH, in general? That's what matters most. Your sex life has hit a bump (no pun intended) but is this going to define your whole future together.

For clarity i do agree with everyone that discovering that your husband has been talking to his mother about his sex life is turn-inside-out cringe level 😫 but what happens now ?

Similar but different! My husband has become severely disabled and is doubly incontinent. His mother started expressing her opinion when we stopped sharing a bed. The first time I was shocked, the second time I shut that down loudly and robustly in the middle of a restaurant. We don’t see her often.

Nothing would make my fanny shut up shop faster than DH getting his mother involved! Ewwww.

wrt massive cringe about sex talk with the inlaws - recently i was chatting with MIL about kids (i've got 4) and ideal gaps between them ect ect.

Now DH's sister and brother (in their 40s) are 9 months apart in age. We all know what that means. But MIL suddenly deciding to point it out along with a fake coy eye roll giggle was revolting. It just was.

Tell him that you and his Mum got matching outfits and you think his Mum looks great in it. Then say you treated her to a sexy bunny outfit too. Here DH, take a look! And show him a photoshopped image of her in one!

OMG! I think I'd actually be sick at the MIL doing this. She actually needs her son to be gentle, kind and loving towards you. To give you back runs and massages without the expectations of anything else.

For the Mum, I'd moke up a porn dvd with the title being something like "Mum likes men young enough to be her (adult) son!"

I'd want to give them both the ick that they gave me!!!

Same. This is truly disgusting. Both from a calculated, selfish way, and an unbelievably intrusive and creepy way.

Plus, it's a bit from the 1950's...you owe him sex because he works hard...🤑