Awkward shopping trip with MIL

[Harriett9]

I feel a bit awkward about a shopping trip I had with my MIL yesterday.

I gave birth 7 months ago, my DH was initially understanding in the first few months that I didn’t want to be intimate but he has become more frustrated recently.

My body has changed and I feel uncomfortable with my stomach. We’d been in a few shops and MIL suggested we visited a lingerie store. She pointed out a few outfits which would cover my stomach and said that ‘I’m sure DH would appreciate it, he has been working hard and you two deserve some alone time’.

When I got home I asked DH if he was aware she was going to do this and he said yes.

AIBU to find this really uncomfortable and inappropriate?

Really? Then we’re all guilty of that 🙄

If it was my son I would tell him to be a bit more patient and to back off until you are ready.

OP you said you had a traumatic birth, so I wonder if you have asked for or been offered any counselling?

Giving birth can be both wonderful but also one of the most terrifying experiences you can have!

My first daughters birth was absolutely horrific, and after being overdue I had an extremely long labour (unproductive) which resulted in an emergency c- section because both my daughter and I went into shock!

Luckily 48 hours after my waters broke I was exhausted and requested an epidural which meant I was topped up and awake for the c-section and my husband was able to be there for the birth. He asked the surgeon if my shaking was normal, and he said that under the circumstances I was doing well as it was an emergency situation and that our daughter needed to be born as soon as possible! At that point he looked really scared as he realised how serious it was!

After the c section I had an infection in my scar, and 10 days later haemorrhaging caused by an infection in my womb!

I was left with a post c-section pouch that has never gone away!

Luckily I had some telephone counselling via my employer (occupational health service) which was incredibly helpful while on Maternity leave. It helped me process the trauma I had experienced and feel less scared of physical contact with my husband.

Its helpful to talk about the experience you had and counselling is important if you had a difficult birth, as if you are not in bc a good place mentally after birth, no amount of underwear will make you feel sexy!

That's completely different than going to his mother, sister and friends, who know the OP. Why even compare the 2?

Again what makes you think they haven't discussed this already?

We're definitely not.

It could be worse ;
The mother-in-law of my terminally ill friend asked her if she was still having sex & then said " poor (son's name) "

Some people have no common sense.

What makes you think they have? The dynamic is different, yes - he doesn’t have to face MN users, but how would you feel if your OH did something similar on a public forum? You might be upset in a different way, but still upset?
my point is, they have both communicated with others, which is natural, and it will be upsetting to both of them, which is also natural, but they should now be discussing it openly & honestly with each other

Speak for yourself. And you might want to have a bit of a think about that if you are.

🤣🤣🤣 ok Pope Pious IV, whatever

Sure, sure, sure 🙄

Because there's literally no reason at all to assume that they haven't spoken about it, when pretty much everyone who is ever in similar situations on here will describe that they have in fact discussed it. I've never ever heard a story from anyone in this situation, male or female, where the situation hasn't been discussed.

If I spoke to my mother and friends about something so personal about my OH and he then went on a forum to discuss it then no I wouldn't be upset, and I would have no right to be. It would be fairly self absorbed to be upset about that when I had spoken about his personal issues to family and friends who actually knew him.

If he has a problem with her discussing it online maybe he should think it's better she did that rather than going and telling all her friends how he roped his mother into trying to get the OP to have sex with him
😂

Getting his Mum to take you lingerie shopping is the most unsexy thing I've ever heard 😂🤦‍♀️. I'd have been so embarrassed. Tell him if he ever wants to be intimate with you again he definitely needs to keep his Mum out of it!

I can assure you I have never and would never beg or nag someone into having sex with me. The thought of someone having sex with me when they don't want to disgusts me.

Ok Lastword Lisa, yadda yadda yadda, bla bla bla, whatever 🥱

I wasn’t talking about begging/nagging someone to have sex with you

We're talking about sexual coercion on this thread, that should have been obvious.

YAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWWNNNNNNN 🥱

I am so sorry OP that you had to deal with that.
Your 'D'H felt it was okay to share your private thoughts on your body, how you are psychologically dealing with a difficult birth, and did it all behind your back. I would be raging.
I think you need to sit him down and explain that sharing your private information is never going to be acceptable. That you being physically and mentally ready to have any type of serial encounter is the most important thing, as it takes two consenting adults. And that this stunt of his where he actively broke your trust by telling two other people has but your recovery back further than every before. Because before you trusted your husband, now you don't.
I can't believe how selfish he has been.

I think it is wonderful that your MiL is so close to you that you go shopping together and she could try and help you get married life back to where it was before your baby
Your husband has shown that by wanting to be intimate with you, he does not care about your body shape, you are still the woman he loves and wants to make love with,
The problem is with you. Your find your body no longer attractive and so you are pushing him away. Perhaps your have PPD and need to speak to your GP about getting some medical help.
If you keep pushing your man away, you may find that one day, he stays away. And then you will not have to worry about the stomach, as he will be sharing someone else's bed, and then no one will see it.
Your MiL was acting out of concern for you both.

You're trying to goad @Harriett9 . Stop it.

Are you the sister in law?

OMG what's the matter with you? MIL is a prurient nightmare who is obsessed with the sex lives of her adult children.

She'd be better off taking her baby and leaving this disfunctional enmeshed family.

Ew that would give me the ick.
MIL shouldn't get involved and DH needs grow up.

Oh its hilarious isn't it, sexual coercion

It's more his fault than hers. She's a participant - he's the idiot who instigated this.