To ask my boyfriend to clean his apartment before I come round?

[Heatabove]

I live with my friend, we have been living together for 3 years since we graduated from university together. I am 28 years old and have been with my boyfriend for a year. He lives on his own, so when we get together I mostly go to his so that we have privacy.

I go round most weekends, and at first it was absolutely fine. The flat was always very clean and tidy Friday evening, but I did notice he is quite lazy. For example he would spill his fizzy drink and just leave it! Take his clothes off and leave them on the floor, his toilet seat came off months ago and he still hasn’t put it back on or got another one. So I think he would tidy everything before I came round but didn’t keep on top of it.

Lately, he hasn’t been tidying it before I come. I walk through the door and my heart drops. Clothes everywhere, dirty pots piled up, the bed sheets all crumpled, empty coke bottles ALL OVER the place! Then every single Sunday he says “let’s do a big clean” and I help him clean up. It takes us a while.

I’m now sick of it and I spoke to him and asked if he wouldn’t mind cleaning the place before I came round because it’s not a nice environment to be in, it makes me uncomfortable and I also don’t want to spend half my Sunday cleaning his mess! He waits all weeks for it to build up and then does it on a Sunday when I am there to join in. And I don’t think it’s fair. I have my own house to clean. He has kicked off with me. He is furious. He said “how dare you tell me what to do with my own flat” and we haven’t spoken since Thursday night.

Please could I have some outside perspective - am I in the wrong?

You've had a lucky escape and are well rid. You're not his maid.

He has NO BOG SEAT.

At first I thought YABU in the sense that it’s his home and it doesn’t have to be spotless for you to come around, but deliberately waiting til you’re there to help with the big clean up is crazy.

This would honestly really put me off. I can’t stand messy men.

@Heatabove does he see another woman through the week perhaps??? if he is such a big shot in the city why cant he employ a cleaner???

Throw this one back and look for a better one.

Unless you seriously are auditioning for the role of mommy wife.

Just dump him. Just think, you could be out of this relationship by this time next week and able to meet someone who is truly worth your time.

Delete him, he’s a filthy, disgusting lazy pig, and he’ll never change.

How on earth can you spend your weekends in such a vile environment?

The fact that he's kicked off about you not wanting to help him clean his own space is a bit of an eye-opener. If he'd apologised and still continued to do nothing, I'd be seeing red flags but his defiant reaction is unreasonable and should probably spell the end to your relationship, OP. I'm sorry because I'm sure you love loads of things about him but this won't go away and will probably lead to many years of discontent if you stay with him.

Maybe his main cleaning day is a Sunday, assuming he works during the week? Just don’t go over on Sundays if you don’t like it?

Hey OP is there really anything to think about he’s a lazy slob who has blown up at you for calling him out on it. Why would anyone want to clean someone else’s place when they can’t be arsed themselves. I would just leave it and if he does get in touch just say it’s not going to work I’m not a skivvy you can use every Sunday. Omg some people are unbelievable.

You aren't wrong but this is who he is. If you want to be with him you'll be his maid, and he won't like you being assertive.

Thats either ok or it isnt

Listen to @gamerchick she is wise.

And the answer to "why does he leave mouldy shit in his fridge" is because he cba and he knows it'll bother you enough to sort it.

Oh dear. Poor him. Now he'll just have to clean up in his own place.

How are you doing @Heatabove ?

DUMP HIM

Hey OP ..
You’re not in the wrong , no …
He should have place clean always before you come around & should never expect you to clean up with him on Sundays..
He kicked off because he knows you are right ,
probably embarrassed aswel , that you had to point this out to him ..
I hope he apologises to you & ye sort things out ..

Jesus Christ leave him. He’s a lazy shit who waits for your time together so he can get you to clean up after him. This is not a good foundation to further the relationship on

So many red flags here, I would just dump him by text and move on. He's lazy, scummy and abusive. Not a catch and definitely not a keeper.

Christ - imagine what he’d be like to live with

run now

He is using you to get his cleaning done.

Not a keeper!

He’s a slum bum , you seriously don’t need that , get rid and date a grown up
he’s never going to change!!

@Heatabove he thinks it’s beneath him to clean but expects you to do it. He’s not a keeper.

Also @Heatabove he probably pays to get his shirts ironed. One day he’ll expect you to do that instead, as well. And as for the biohazards in his fridge … ugh!

I’m ok thanks. He messaged me today. I have decided to end things but I’m going to go round tomorrow because I don’t think it’s great to break up with someone over the phone