DH was being an arse, then fell down stairs and I have no sympathy

[Caplin]

I will start by saying my DH is a good man, but he arsed up tonight with my DD (13) and I was fuming. They were messing about and at the end he ‘playfully’ said she was being a bitch. I was horrified, she was horrified and she immediately left the room and called time on them watching their favourite programme. I recognised it for what it was, one of those pivotal moments with your parents where you suddenly realise they are a human and sometimes not nice.

He called on her to come back so he could apologise, but refused to go after her to say sorry. Frankly I thought it was a shit thing to demand she comes to him for her apology, he should have gone to her as he massively overstepped.

I went up to her to basically say that. I don’t want her to learn the lesson that she she should chase after a man for the apology she deserves, and that starts with her own dad.

I was so angry I couldn’t even look at him after that. He knows he messed up, I didn’t need to say it.

Anyway, he hurt his ankle a couple of days ago. Tonight after the altercation, knowing I was fucked off, he was going downstairs with some glasses and dramatically ‘fell’ down half a dozen stairs. Glasses everywhere, him lying dramatically in the hall. We have been together almost 25 years and I thought it was all a bit performative. I obviously ran down, gave him ice, painkillers. Asked if he needs to go to minor injuries. He was dramatic but said no, he could cope whilst lying on the floor for ages groaning.

Anyway, during a conversation afterwards it became clear he knew I was annoyed at him, but that wasn’t the moment to go into why I thought he was being an arse. I could barely disguise the fact I thought he was hamming it up. I offered to cancel Easter Sunday lunch with his family tomorrow and he said yes (we are cooking). I won’t as I know he was being a ham.

So AiBU to treat his fall down the stairs with distain? It was all a bit convenient timing for me to feel sorry for him. He has form for dramatic falling, he needs to sort out his core muscles frankly. Teaching my DD how she should expect to be treated is a bigger lesson than his ego.

I say all this, he is not usually an arse, but tonight he messed up and I am more annoyed that he has tried to bring sympathy to himself. Maybe he actually fell down the stairs, but his dramatic response afterwards tells me he did it on purpose.

AIBU to think he is a drama king and have literally no time for his shit….or am I being an uncaring wife?

Ooofe. I would have a massive gut reaction to someone that pulls stunts each time they have to face a less than favourable reality about themselves.

Except I didn’t give him lots of attention, that was the point.

Yes, he has

Yes, I shall stagger on in my 25 year relationship. Not sure what you want me to do with that comment, suddenly throw up my hands and go ‘oh my god, a stranger on the internet knows my family better than me, better sack off my husband and get my kids into therapy’.

As I say…. Head in sand
hence why you’re 25 years in to a marriage with a man who calls his young teen daughter a “bitch”

do you have a son? I’m hoping I missed the post confirming you do not

I did not like that poster normalising a man calling a young teen a bitch

You are an absolute treat! Have you apologised yet for stalking and shaming the other poster? I think you are the one with issues and poisonous behaviours here.

But you are right. I came back to see if op had updated And now I understand why the op has remained with him for so long. It’s all a bit of “joke” and a laugh now 🤔

I wasn’t stalking

fgs the thread was about a horrific dh and brother and was very recent and very memorable

and so the poster normalising the behaviour of your husband wasn’t on I didn’t think

Oh well, if you don't like something then act however you like, green light for nasty bitter behaviour 👍🏻

The way you have behaved on this thread is much worse than calling a 13 year old a bit h in a silly game. You don't have the moral high ground.

You aren’t helping yourself. Again, have you apologised for your cruel behaviour to the other poster? Several people have asked and you are ignoring them.

Your behaviour towards @DearBee was awful and still is awful. Honestly, pack it in.

And now this is your focus
me merely raising another thread that was relevant to a pusher minimising your husband’s behaviour

you have family over imminently and family drama and no doubt a pretty still shaken young teen… and yet here you are

ok, enjoy your Easter op and good luck for the future

If you read what I said I was not normalising it. I was horrified and it was massively out of character, I thought he was in the wrong and should apologise, he has. Not sure what part of that is putting my head in the sand?

No drama, apologies have happened. We move on.

So walk away OP and enjoy Easter, rather than argue with strangers on the internet.

I wasn’t having a go at you, that was replying to another poster. I think you are completely reasonable for not pandering to him in this situation. Do you think he fell on purpose to get out of taking responsibility for his behaviour? Because that is very much what I’m thinking.

He definitely needs to apologise to your daughter. Re the falling downstairs, treat others how you would like to be treated..

Bit of a reach

Agree this poster is disgraceful and is obviously not capable of reflecting on their own lower-than-low standards of behaviour. So coming back on to pass judgement and act superior towards OP or anyone else (after declaring they were hiding the thread) is laughable.

The example I gave was much more extreme, but the principle is the same. A person behaves badly and then, rather than take responsibility for their bad behaviour and apologise, engineers a situation which makes themselves deserving of sympathy, and thus dodges the issue entirely. It’s quite a common tactic. Not necessarily what OPs husband was doing, but it was my instinctive response having seen it many times before.

I find it very interesting how many people seem to think it's okay for a parent to use profanity at their child.
It's really not. Children always look to you as a bit on high, regardless of the phase they're going through. They may test us, but to call them names, even jokingly as though we're buddies, is never the same as one of their friends doing so jokingly. It will always stick with them. OP has mentioned dd was hurt. Dh wouldn't, couldn't, didn't go to her to apologise and reassure her he messed up. It's also interesting how that word just slipped out. That indicates it's commonly used. Does no one wonder about a dad who easily refers to women as bitches? Even his own daughter? Isn't anyone questioning his outlook?

Would you not go away and give your head a good wobble after the way you treated the other poster?

How deeply unpleasant.

And yet here you are again - no shame!!