DH was being an arse, then fell down stairs and I have no sympathy

[Caplin]

I will start by saying my DH is a good man, but he arsed up tonight with my DD (13) and I was fuming. They were messing about and at the end he ‘playfully’ said she was being a bitch. I was horrified, she was horrified and she immediately left the room and called time on them watching their favourite programme. I recognised it for what it was, one of those pivotal moments with your parents where you suddenly realise they are a human and sometimes not nice.

He called on her to come back so he could apologise, but refused to go after her to say sorry. Frankly I thought it was a shit thing to demand she comes to him for her apology, he should have gone to her as he massively overstepped.

I went up to her to basically say that. I don’t want her to learn the lesson that she she should chase after a man for the apology she deserves, and that starts with her own dad.

I was so angry I couldn’t even look at him after that. He knows he messed up, I didn’t need to say it.

Anyway, he hurt his ankle a couple of days ago. Tonight after the altercation, knowing I was fucked off, he was going downstairs with some glasses and dramatically ‘fell’ down half a dozen stairs. Glasses everywhere, him lying dramatically in the hall. We have been together almost 25 years and I thought it was all a bit performative. I obviously ran down, gave him ice, painkillers. Asked if he needs to go to minor injuries. He was dramatic but said no, he could cope whilst lying on the floor for ages groaning.

Anyway, during a conversation afterwards it became clear he knew I was annoyed at him, but that wasn’t the moment to go into why I thought he was being an arse. I could barely disguise the fact I thought he was hamming it up. I offered to cancel Easter Sunday lunch with his family tomorrow and he said yes (we are cooking). I won’t as I know he was being a ham.

So AiBU to treat his fall down the stairs with distain? It was all a bit convenient timing for me to feel sorry for him. He has form for dramatic falling, he needs to sort out his core muscles frankly. Teaching my DD how she should expect to be treated is a bigger lesson than his ego.

I say all this, he is not usually an arse, but tonight he messed up and I am more annoyed that he has tried to bring sympathy to himself. Maybe he actually fell down the stairs, but his dramatic response afterwards tells me he did it on purpose.

AIBU to think he is a drama king and have literally no time for his shit….or am I being an uncaring wife?

Morning, this thread took a turn!

DH is up and walking the dog, so no major injury. When he gets back I’ll have a chat and get him to apologise to DD when she gets up. I will also check on Easter lunch situation, I doubt he wants to cancel, he was just in a flap after falling downstairs. In hindsight I don’t think he fell deliberately, he does have a sore ankle, but he was a drama king. No glasses were broken, he managed to lay them on the stairs during his slow fall.

He has never called me or anyone a bitch before, that is why me and DD were so stunned when it came out his mouth. I think he shocked himself. DD hadn’t done anything to merit it, they were just bantering.

I do find it odd that some people feel that them messing about and tickling was inappropriate. They have always done it, I tickle my kids, I don’t want anyone to feel weird just because the kids have reached an arbitrary age! They were right next to me when they were mucking about.

Also, I’m not sulking for days, I was angry with him for a couple of hours last night, and not overly sympathetic to his footballer style rolling around. It will be fine today.

I think you owe @DearBee a massive apology here. What an unpleasant way to behave.

I never really fell as a child but I danced. Ballroom, latin, ballet, tap… I strongly believe that helped as i had a great, strong core.

Of course he shld apologise but as you keep saying he’s a good guy generally, then you shld climb down from your high horse. If he’s a decent person he’ll be feeling awful. And in the real world people make mistakes and your daughter will learn that people cock
up and have to apologise and repair- no one - not even a parent can be perfect as you seem to expect.

Sounds like a really stressed and oversensitive household. Huge overreacions at every turn

Oh course he will. Everyone will be running around after him so he can rest his poorly ankle. He will be the focus of attention. Plus OP gets to do all the cooking, washing up and cleaning whilst he sits there like a king.

What a guy!

Edit - I posted without seeing the update....but what the actual f..??
No glasses were broken, he managed to lay them on the stairs during his slow fall.

I mean…. My only comment is that if you do end up cancelling his family today be sure to tell them it is because he has sworn at Dd and is refusing to apologise, therefore it’s not a very nice atmosphere.
I wouldn’t even mention the falling and let him get any sympathy until situation 1 is resolved.

My DH broke his ankle falling down the stairs in December. It’s been horrendous. You’re making a mountain out of a molehill

He has just cleaned the kitchen, opened out the table to seat 8 and he will do half the cooking. He has also walked the dog so the ankle is sore but he isn’t fishing for sympathy.

There are some big assumptions for what was a jokey post. I just wasn’t feeling his dramatics last night. We will be all sorted before others arrive, he knows he needs to say sorry to DD.

Jokey post? It didn't read like a joke. It read like a highly dysfunctional family life.

I wonder what everyone's reaction would have been if a woman had posted that her husband ignored and belittled her fall downstairs because he was angry with her. "I fall a lot and my husband calls me a drama llama".

Someone who has managed to convince themselves that their husband is a “good man” who calls their teen daughter a “bitch” no doubt puts a lot of store against him taking the dog for a walk and opening the table out (I’ve done the same just now. Took maybe ten seconds)

Most of the rest of us? That’s not enough

This is such a bizarre thread, honestly.

Ah, but it was a joke, you see 👀

Well, some of the reactions on this thread are quite funny, and some people seem to be taking things pretty seriously. I have to scoot off and enjoy Easter, but thanks for your many perspectives.

This reminds me of the time a friend of mine’s boyfriend hit her. He then jumped out of a first floor window and she had to call an ambulance for him. So all of the attention was on him and his apparent suicide attempt, so the fact that he hit her just got brushed under the carpet. Thankfully she saw sense and left him soon after.

🫠

And it reminds you of that situation because no one in OP's thread hit anyone or jumped out of a window?🤔

Well, if you're going to post about your husband calling your 13 year old daughter a bitch and then faking a fall down the stairs for attention, it's kind of understandable that people are taking it seriously.

It sounds like very odd behaviour by everyone involved.

No-one is pretending that girls can't be mean.

They're saying that the word 'bitch' is misogynist and abusive language, and that the last person who should be using that word on a girl is her father who's meant to love, support and, as her parent, protect her.

There was a thread on the near universality of men being loud recently, especially as they age, and on how repulsive women find it. From loud coughing, to noisy 'appreciative' eating, to sneezing, to banging things down on the worktop, to whistling while doing something, to bellowing when they bump into something.

The general consensus was that it was a reassertion of their (perceived by them to be shrinking) dominance via attention-seeking.

They need everyone to know that they are in the room.

Alas, it coincides with women reaching the age when their hormones no longer gaslight them into believing that they have to put up with men's bullshit in order to fulfil their biological destinies.

It reminds me of that because the man did something badly wrong and didn’t apologise, but then hurt himself and all the attention was suddenly on him as the one needing sympathy and the fact that he’d done something badly wrong and should have apologised got conveniently forgotten because of course him being injured was the priority.

You posted at 10.45 and you have relatives coming over for lunch so DD, even though she's a teenager, should be up.

Has he gone to her and apologised yet?

i suppose this head in sand approach to your marriage has kept it staggering in on for 25 years

I thought you'd hidden the post? Are you going to apologise for your appalling behaviour?

Don't know why you are casting the first stone when you are staggering about stalking posters and blaming them for the crimes of men they are loosely connected to.

You can seek help and change