Husband’s sister treatment at our wedding reception

[PalmTreeAngel]

We had our wedding reception party a week ago, and my husband’s sister not only arrived late… but she only got us a card and no gift. Meanwhile, I’ve received very nice gifts from new colleagues I’ve met from work and my mum’s friends.

The reason she arrived late (along with her husband and two young daughters) is because they had a last minute viewing on their house.

AIBU to feel hurt and insulted by this?

I have tried talking to my husband about this, but he just shrugs it off. He feels similar to me, but won’t do anything about it or say anything to her. I think he ought to say something, but that’s me. They’re a very avoidant family, but I like to raise how I feel with others (with the hopes that we work through it of course).

Look, you aren't getting (or don't want to get) her message

You didn't invite her to your wedding - so she didn't join in with your fantasty wedding party later. Now you are 1-1 - it's a draw.

Put a line under it and move on.

You don’t

YABU
YABU
YABU
YABU

I probably would have brought a present, but I’m not sure I’d class her as being late. I’ve been to a fair few weddings where I was an ‘just’ evening guest (which is how I would describe being invited to a party celebrating an elopement), and I don’t think I’ve ever aimed to be there at the start. I, and most people I know would assume it meant ‘arrive from’, and was much more relaxed than the start time of an actual wedding.

If you don’t know how to tell him, just show him this thread. Some attitude adjustment is required… Whether him or the both of you…

The ceremony is the wedding. The reception is just a party.

You're behaving like a spoiled brat.

When they complain they aren't in the photos - just remind them they were late!

Send her a card thanking her for her card. I’d be tempted to write and lovely gift.
When you next see her make a pint of showing her all the photos that don’t have her in them.
( god I’m in a bitchy mood tonight)

It wasn’t a wedding though. It was a reception at a later date because you eloped.

I don’t think it would have occurred to me there would be photos or that it would matter if I was late.

Did she attend the wedding?

I’m still perplexed as to what gift you expected. Presumably with an elopement you didn’t have a gift list so were you hoping for cash or a set of Mr and Mrs mugs from The Card Factory?

YABU
YABU
YABU
YABU
YABU
YABU
YABU
YABU
YABU
YABU
YABU
YABU

I don’t see the issue .She was late and didn’t get you a present (so what).Think your being OTT

It is absolutely standard in this country that if someone elopes and gets married abroad in a private ceremony gifts are not required.

when I got married I bought several books in wedding etiquette to make sure I organised things correctly.

obviously it’s nice if people do give you gifts but you are trying to go against custom. Which does make you look grabby.

odd expectation to do photos at the start
did you let anyone know the time if the photos

It's quite usual for people nowadays to have the ceremony abroad and then a reception back home. I have family members who have done that.

I'd be embarrassed to attend a wedding reception and not to give a present.

SPOT ON

Well if you are not the lateness that bothers you then it’s the fact she didn’t bring a present on the day
Is that correct?

You shouldn’t expect people to bring presents and anyway maybe she will give it to you at a later date

You sound grabby and petty

Did she come from a “generous house” - are your inlaws tight ?
If so she may not know/wasn’t taught that it would be nice to give her brother a gift for his wedding or she may herself just be tight.
Your colleagues sound nice giving gifts.
I know my brothers and sisters would give us gifts. One brother might be a bit slow about it though 😉
I’d let it go - pointing the finger is upsetting you.
I can understand your sil/bil
being late if they are trying to sell a house. It was a party, albeit one to celebrate your nuptials. Their house sale is a life changer for them.

OP, most people think YABVU.

Try and let this go otherwise it will drive you nuts and likely cause unnecessary conflict within your DH family.

Exactly, it was silly to plan the photos at the start as people may be running late

Well, I would always buy a gift for a sibling who got married. But that’s me and I wouldn’t judge anyone who doesn’t. And they absolutely were not “late for your wedding reception”. You were in fact already married. They were late for a party. Have you never, ever been late to a party? Let it go…..

It wasn’t a wedding though

Edit: Just seen everyone else’s posts! Glad to agree with others.

Really?

Every single wedding or reception that I've attended has had the family photographs after the wedding service or at the beginning of the reception. Later photographs (if taken) have been candid photographs of the guests while the meal and/or dancing is taking place.

Maybe it's different in some parts of the world. I've only attended weddings in Scotland, England, Ireland and Serbia.

Yes, this.

if you actually "eloped" i.e. just announced it after the event and no-one knew before hand, then why expect presents? No-one got to celebrate your wedding, this is just a party.

And it is unfortunate that a last minute viewing occurred, but if you are trying to sell a house you don't turn a prospective buyer away! If it was your actual wedding, then that would be different, but it wasn't.

Honestly this entire thread is comedy gold