Husband’s sister treatment at our wedding reception

[PalmTreeAngel]

We had our wedding reception party a week ago, and my husband’s sister not only arrived late… but she only got us a card and no gift. Meanwhile, I’ve received very nice gifts from new colleagues I’ve met from work and my mum’s friends.

The reason she arrived late (along with her husband and two young daughters) is because they had a last minute viewing on their house.

AIBU to feel hurt and insulted by this?

I have tried talking to my husband about this, but he just shrugs it off. He feels similar to me, but won’t do anything about it or say anything to her. I think he ought to say something, but that’s me. They’re a very avoidant family, but I like to raise how I feel with others (with the hopes that we work through it of course).

But not important enough to actually invite your family, clearly.

Hiya

Yes it is.

Hth x

Let her do her and you do you. Your wedding was important to you. Showing possible buyers around her house was important to her.

Don't let it affect your relationship going forward

It’s the principle, and it’s the behaviour. Not the actual gift. I personally think it was poor taste. If it was a distant friend or colleague, fine… but as my husband said, not the groom’s sister.

You did the legal stuff overseas. This was just a party. I’m sure her house sale is much more important to her than a party.

I do think that she should’ve brought along a token gift though, such as a bottle of wine or a £25 voucher or something. Nothing extravagant.

Thank you.

Omg. It is just a party 😂

Can not believe you have totted up the percentage of guests that gave you a gift either. Embarrassed for you.

OP your sense of entitlement is off the charts. Stop going on about the gift. It not mandatory nor is it your wedding!

Going to a party after an elopement is just a party. You had your wedding and photos. You say you went ‘all the way down to Devon’ as some sort of issue but I’m guessing thought nothing of making your parents travel all the way across an ocean to St Lucia so you could have a destination wedding and then were angry that there was lateness and no gift.

Honestly this is petty and childish. Let it go.

Err. An elopement means you don't get the whole family photos/dedicated time slots/formal party

It has a major part to do with it really. Probably a stressful time for your sister in-law if she's trying to sell her house & I guess doesn't trust the estate agent to lock up/keep it quick

All in all your married now & she did attend if a bit late

Nowhere near as poor taste as dwelling on not getting a present. You can spin as much as you like, it still only makes you look grabby.

Well a wedding isn't, no. What you had was a party as there was in fact no marriage and it therefore wasn't actually a wedding. It was a party. Yes a chance to celebrate with friends (though most people who want to do this plan a wedding that includes them), but not an actual wedding.

Lol, it’s not just a party. It’s a reception party. Many of my friends and family treated it as such and went to a lot of effort :-)

Dear OP,

When you're in a hole, stop digging. You are coming across as an utterly self-centred, grabby Bridezilla and you really need to get over that.

My sister in law did this...,my brother hasn't spoken to me for 27 years…

If that is the worst thing that happened, just forget it.
Hopefully you had a fabulous day.
At my wedding, someone was carted off in an ambulance and the photographer went bust and did a midnight flit!
Still happily married 33 years later.

this sounds like a passive aggressive point being made. If this is a family who don’t openly communicate I image she is unhappy with how you did things, being barred from
her brother’s wedding, and hence behaved like this.

It is the reception part of a wedding. It just didn’t include the ceremony.

Destination of your actual wedding was more important to you, which is a perfectly valid choice but if people can't come to that you absolutely can not then complain they didn't buy you a gift for an after party.
If you bring this up as a complaint you will look very childish and petty imo.

Congrats on your marriage.

Meh - you elope, no present. You invite people to a "make up party" and IMO presents (to you) are optional.

Let it go, or carry the grudge forever. You know what effect this will have on your marriage/life.

It’s done now. No one can hop into a time machine and go back to fix this so why bother getting so worked up and trying to encourage your husband to confront his sister about this? You hopefully had a lovely time at your party in spite of this so get on with enjoying your new married life.

Lol, trust me. She was not barred, and she was not aggrieved for not coming abroad to our wedding.

Blimey OP every time you give an update it gets better and better. You are being pathetic and grabby.

What did you want as a gift OP?

I didn't get my sister a gift or even a card for her wedding... Didn't even cross my mind to. Was I meant to?

I think you're blowing it out of proportion!

No, those things take place on the same day. You eloped, different rules.