Husband’s sister treatment at our wedding reception

[PalmTreeAngel]

We had our wedding reception party a week ago, and my husband’s sister not only arrived late… but she only got us a card and no gift. Meanwhile, I’ve received very nice gifts from new colleagues I’ve met from work and my mum’s friends.

The reason she arrived late (along with her husband and two young daughters) is because they had a last minute viewing on their house.

AIBU to feel hurt and insulted by this?

I have tried talking to my husband about this, but he just shrugs it off. He feels similar to me, but won’t do anything about it or say anything to her. I think he ought to say something, but that’s me. They’re a very avoidant family, but I like to raise how I feel with others (with the hopes that we work through it of course).

Do you have any idea how hard it is to sell houses right now? YABVU.

Ok

In other news I'm having a birthday party tomorrow. Just without the birthday, as that's in August.

Its still a birthday party though, obviously, so, gifts please.

A golden goose.

You'd have grounds to complain about her lateness to your wedding if she'd actually been invited to your wedding.

Because they know you’ll throw your dolly out if they don’t. It’s just a party. Stop being such a princess and embrace your new family instead of trying to drive a wedge over a bottle of wine.

As for the no present thing: I also eloped. Some people sent cards and gifts, some didn’t. I couldn’t tell you who did and didn’t with a gun to my head and nor do I care.

I couldn't bring myself to be overly bothered about this. An hour late is nothing really, especially if they had a house viewing, and present wise I wouldn't give a shit. They weren't invited to the actual wedding, so maybe in their heads, being invited to the party afterwards just wasn't that big of a deal. To you obviously it was. Sounds like you had a lovely time, so just focus on that and move on. You were lucky to get lots of presents, why stress about the one you didn't get?

Tbh it’s a bit like an evening only invite

if i were invited I wouldn’t have assumed there were going to be formal photos

Having them at your actual wedding wasn’t a priority for you.

Attending a party to celebrate your wedding wasn’t a priority for them when it risked a potential house sale. Seems fair.

Bit grabby to expect a present. My brothers didn’t get me anything when I got married and they were actually invited to my wedding.

A house viewing is a fair excuse if it means an opportunity to sell

I think you should get over it. My husbands sister got engaged at same time as us, didn't know she was in a relationship. We had been together years. We requested they avoid a set date as we had booked it and planned registry office then the garden to keep it simple. Close family only.

Well she decided to book hers the week before, sent out her invites with the exact plan we were going for. Ended up changing our wedding as when around 30% of guests would be at both it seemed wrong to stick with our original plan. We travelled a couple hours to be at her wedding as they live far from us. No kids allowed so had to sort childcare. We were only invited to evening reception which was fine. Until we found out the pub landlord and his family had an all day invite.

To add insult we paid for a hotel etc,put money in their card. A week later for our wedding they didn't attend, no card no nothing. Then 6 weeks later we got a thankyou card for their money. However we only got that after we paid royal mail to deliver it. That was us over £200 out of pocket and not even a card back in return.

What’s your relationship like with her?

I would always bring a gift to an invite to a wedding party , usually money, even at times we’ve been skint.

surely the house viewing could have been arranged at a time not clashing with her brother’s celebration of marriage.

you are receiving harsh treatment here I think, your wedding in St Lucia sounds lovely

It wasn’t a wedding. They were late as they were dealing with their own important family event. They are not obliged to buy you a gift. Think you need to forget the imagined slight and get on with life.

I happen to think MY wedding is a very important event!

Fixed that for you.

Make up party? Are you for real?
So I’ve done it a bit differently - it doesn’t mean it’s a make up party. A lot of people on here are acting as if a wedding is for the guests. And you’re being passive aggressive not getting a gift just because you didn’t come to the ceremony?
it isn’t just a party, I spent quite a lot - wedding prices - on what was a wedding celebration party - a reception party. Many of my friends and family were delighted to be there, celebrating with us. I was just a bit taken aback by her behaviour and it’s left a poor taste in my mouth.
My husband is quite angry and upset by it. I feel awkward as I’m not really sure what to do about it. I’ll likely drop it, but just wanted to know what other people thought.

some people are being quite nasty however as these things can be quite hurtful.

Well put.

To you it is. It's quite clear by most of the replies that others would just judge it as a party, which it is. The ceremony is the most important part of a wedding, I'd have been very hurt if my siblings hadn't invited me, regardless of where it was.

I’m not really sure what to do about it.

You do nothing.

I'm actually going to guess your husband isn't arsed and is making all the right noises because he can't be arsed with upsetting you.

But you eloped! In your own words “a private elopement abroad” . So maybe people feel that you have a casual attitude towards weddings and are following your lead.

Nobody is being nasty OP, they are pointing out the reality of the situation. You are making a huge deal out of nothing and coming across as incredibly high maintenance.

Well talk some sense into him as is being abundantly and repeatedly explained to you on this thread. You can’t blame people for being glib when it’s clear how ridiculous this whole grievance is. People are giving you advice - take it.

Don’t get how you can be “late” to an evening party.

Did they know they were supposed to be there for a specific time for photos?

I think you are definitely being unreasonable as they had a perfectly valid reason.

You didn't invite them to the wedding, so why on earth would you expect them to bring a wedding gift? This wasn't a wedding reception, this was a party.

If i was going to a party and it said for example 7pm i would think it was from 7pm and would get there some time between 7 and 8.
If i was invited to a wedding at say 3pm i would be there before 3.
There's a huge difference