Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Husband’s sister treatment at our wedding reception

671 replies

PalmTreeAngel · 19/04/2025 20:54

We had our wedding reception party a week ago, and my husband’s sister not only arrived late… but she only got us a card and no gift. Meanwhile, I’ve received very nice gifts from new colleagues I’ve met from work and my mum’s friends.

The reason she arrived late (along with her husband and two young daughters) is because they had a last minute viewing on their house.

AIBU to feel hurt and insulted by this?

I have tried talking to my husband about this, but he just shrugs it off. He feels similar to me, but won’t do anything about it or say anything to her. I think he ought to say something, but that’s me. They’re a very avoidant family, but I like to raise how I feel with others (with the hopes that we work through it of course).

OP posts:
tooksometime · 20/04/2025 16:11

PalmTreeAngel · 20/04/2025 16:04

That’s a really nice and useful response. You sound like such a joy.

Show quote history

But op you’re not close to them and barely see them

so why would they care if you were civil and courteous to them and indeed they may not even notice given you aren’t remotely close with them!

Poppins21 · 20/04/2025 16:11

CleverButScatty · 20/04/2025 16:06

I think you are really overestimating how important your wedding is to other people.

I think a lot of people fall into the trap of assuming other people care as much, especially if you have an overexcited mum etc.

It was not the viewing as an event that they have prioritised, but the chance to secure a more suitable home for their children to live in day after day, year after year.

I imagined you as someone who is early 20s without much experience of life and felt like perhaps people needed to remember being young and unaware of life's challenges. If you are older that makes it worse...the world does not revolve around you!

And as for the moaning about not getting a present, you didn't even invite them to the actual wedding for goodness sake.

No wonder they give you and your hubby a wide berth! You sound more self obsessed with each post.

Show quote history

I am always really pleased if a friend or family member gets married and I would not dream of not celebrating along with them.

Original poster
PalmTreeAngel · 20/04/2025 16:11

tooksometime · 20/04/2025 16:10

The op has just pm-ed to say I’m bullying her

when all I’m saying is…. The OP’s husband’s side of the family (including her own husband!!) have a different approach to gifting and she should respect that

Show quote history

Yet you keep repeating this over and over @tooksometime therefore it’s coming across as bullying.

OP posts:
HomeTheatreSystem · 20/04/2025 16:11

FGS, what a drip feed!

They’re not close, and never have been. I don’t get on with mine either. This is a reason why we wished to marry in private, but we still wanted to celebrate with our friends, which we did. I think her behaviour is reflective of a bigger concern, which I’m going to stay out.

And ...

My husband is quite sad that his sister isn’t closer to him. He’s tried reaching out and being more involved, but she’s very insular, and doesn’t seem that interested in us. She’s just not involved in our lives. Didn’t get a moving card when we moved (always send to them), dont get birthday cards etc. I guess this action hurt, because it is reinforcing that.

So this is just who she is! It's got nothing to do with you two marrying abroad or anything else. She does not, for whatever reason, feel close to her DB and has no compunction about treating him the same as she always has, even on the occasion of his wedding party. She doesn't care that much about him and there may be good reasons for that which are unknown to you and your DH or she may just be like that anyway. Either way, please leave well alone: this family has existed for decades in this way, there's nothing for you to opine on or fix. If she actively interferes in your marriage, then you have the right to speak up, otherwise, leave well alone.

CleverButScatty · 20/04/2025 16:12

PalmTreeAngel · 20/04/2025 16:10

Again, I think you’ve got it all wrong.
I think what I am learning is I have a totally different set of values and social etiquette to others - which is absolutely fine! But there is no need to be nasty or personal towards me.
I personally wouldn’t turn up super late or empty handed to any celebration. This isn’t any old party either, it’s to celebrate someone getting married. I’m sorry they were not invited to our ceremony, but as I’ve said, they wouldn’t have come to it anyway and I had my own very personal reasons for keeping it private. I’m shocked that on one hand people on this thread are snubbing me for not inviting her but also saying it’s not that important anyway - which one is it?

Show quote history

Honestly you just have a very high opinion of yourself and how important your wedding was to other people. You are outraged they are not fawning over you.

Dare I say it, you sound like a bit of a princess.

tooksometime · 20/04/2025 16:12

PalmTreeAngel · 20/04/2025 16:11

Yet you keep repeating this over and over @tooksometime therefore it’s coming across as bullying.

Show quote history

and your response to the suggestion to accept your husband and his family have a different approach to gifting giving is…..?

Original poster
PalmTreeAngel · 20/04/2025 16:13

CleverButScatty · 20/04/2025 16:12

Honestly you just have a very high opinion of yourself and how important your wedding was to other people. You are outraged they are not fawning over you.

Dare I say it, you sound like a bit of a princess.

Edited
Show quote history

I wouldn’t dream of treating a friend like this. So how does that mean I have a high opinion of others? It also sounds like I’ve a high opinion of others that are dear to me as well.

OP posts:
tooksometime · 20/04/2025 16:13

HomeTheatreSystem · 20/04/2025 16:11

FGS, what a drip feed!

They’re not close, and never have been. I don’t get on with mine either. This is a reason why we wished to marry in private, but we still wanted to celebrate with our friends, which we did. I think her behaviour is reflective of a bigger concern, which I’m going to stay out.

And ...

My husband is quite sad that his sister isn’t closer to him. He’s tried reaching out and being more involved, but she’s very insular, and doesn’t seem that interested in us. She’s just not involved in our lives. Didn’t get a moving card when we moved (always send to them), dont get birthday cards etc. I guess this action hurt, because it is reinforcing that.

So this is just who she is! It's got nothing to do with you two marrying abroad or anything else. She does not, for whatever reason, feel close to her DB and has no compunction about treating him the same as she always has, even on the occasion of his wedding party. She doesn't care that much about him and there may be good reasons for that which are unknown to you and your DH or she may just be like that anyway. Either way, please leave well alone: this family has existed for decades in this way, there's nothing for you to opine on or fix. If she actively interferes in your marriage, then you have the right to speak up, otherwise, leave well alone.

And the OP’s own husband doesn’t even acknowledge Mother’s Day…. So clearly it’s historical family “thing” that pisses off the Op

CleverButScatty · 20/04/2025 16:14

PalmTreeAngel · 20/04/2025 16:13

I wouldn’t dream of treating a friend like this. So how does that mean I have a high opinion of others? It also sounds like I’ve a high opinion of others that are dear to me as well.

Show quote history

Well for whatever reason, your BIL and SIL don't seem to rate you...

tooksometime · 20/04/2025 16:14

PalmTreeAngel · 20/04/2025 16:13

I wouldn’t dream of treating a friend like this. So how does that mean I have a high opinion of others? It also sounds like I’ve a high opinion of others that are dear to me as well.

Show quote history

But the sister isn’t “dear” to you OR your husband!!

Original poster
PalmTreeAngel · 20/04/2025 16:15

tooksometime · 20/04/2025 16:14

But the sister isn’t “dear” to you OR your husband!!

Show quote history

Why are you still here, honestly? Do you think you are helping? Is there someone else you can bother?

OP posts:
Original poster
PalmTreeAngel · 20/04/2025 16:15

CleverButScatty · 20/04/2025 16:14

Well for whatever reason, your BIL and SIL don't seem to rate you...

Show quote history

And I don’t rate them either…

OP posts:
CleverButScatty · 20/04/2025 16:16

PalmTreeAngel · 20/04/2025 16:15

Why are you still here, honestly? Do you think you are helping? Is there someone else you can bother?

Show quote history

Honestly. People are going to disagree with you in life and not everyone is going to fawn over you. Log off Mumsnet and go and enjoy your day!

Catlady63 · 20/04/2025 16:19

Why is the focus in on the SIL not giving a present, when 20% of guests didn't give them anything? Who were the 20%, obviously family members and friends, why is the OP not as cross with them?

Parker231 · 20/04/2025 16:19

PalmTreeAngel · 20/04/2025 16:15

And I don’t rate them either…

Show quote history

So why are you so bothered about them being late to your party and not bringing a gift? Why did you invite them?

tooksometime · 20/04/2025 16:20

PalmTreeAngel · 20/04/2025 16:15

Why are you still here, honestly? Do you think you are helping? Is there someone else you can bother?

Show quote history

I honestly don’t think you can be helped op

tooksometime · 20/04/2025 16:21

One of the more… frustrating and intriguing ops I can recall.

i think there will be a LOT going on behind closed doors for this OP

tooksometime · 20/04/2025 16:22

PalmTreeAngel · 20/04/2025 16:13

I wouldn’t dream of treating a friend like this. So how does that mean I have a high opinion of others? It also sounds like I’ve a high opinion of others that are dear to me as well.

Show quote history

We see them maybe once or twice a year. She doesn’t talk to my husband. They wouldn’t have come anyway.

shakes head

ill be off

happy easter

Original poster
PalmTreeAngel · 20/04/2025 16:23

Catlady63 · 20/04/2025 16:19

Why is the focus in on the SIL not giving a present, when 20% of guests didn't give them anything? Who were the 20%, obviously family members and friends, why is the OP not as cross with them?

They were work colleagues… one whom I’d never met before. Every other family or friend did.

OP posts:
Original poster
PalmTreeAngel · 20/04/2025 16:23

tooksometime · 20/04/2025 16:20

I honestly don’t think you can be helped op

Show quote history

Of course you’d say that, you seem to be targeting me, lol.

OP posts:
Parker231 · 20/04/2025 16:24

PalmTreeAngel · 20/04/2025 16:23

They were work colleagues… one whom I’d never met before. Every other family or friend did.

Show quote history

Why invite strangers to your party?

TheBroonOneAndTheWhiteOne · 20/04/2025 16:24

PalmTreeAngel · 20/04/2025 16:15

And I don’t rate them either…

Show quote history

So why the fuss about them turning up late?

Why did you invite them at all?

According to you, your "wedding party" is as important as an actual wedding reception.

I've actually never heard of this sort of party.

Original poster
PalmTreeAngel · 20/04/2025 16:25

Parker231 · 20/04/2025 16:19

So why are you so bothered about them being late to your party and not bringing a gift? Why did you invite them?

Show quote history

I invited them because they are my husband’s family @Parker231 My husband is disappointed in her. It’s another nail in the coffin of what is a distant relationship. I feel for him.

OP posts:
TheBroonOneAndTheWhiteOne · 20/04/2025 16:25

Parker231 · 20/04/2025 16:24

Why invite strangers to your party?

Show quote history

Well, quite.

People don't invite random strangers to their weddings, do they?

Annascaul · 20/04/2025 16:25

PalmTreeAngel · 20/04/2025 16:15

Why are you still here, honestly? Do you think you are helping? Is there someone else you can bother?

Show quote history

Anyone would think these posters had waylaid you in the street to force their opinions on you, rather than you having asked for them 😁
Nobody agrees with you, op. You’ll kind of have to accept that.

Swipe left for the next trending thread