Husband’s sister treatment at our wedding reception

[PalmTreeAngel]

We had our wedding reception party a week ago, and my husband’s sister not only arrived late… but she only got us a card and no gift. Meanwhile, I’ve received very nice gifts from new colleagues I’ve met from work and my mum’s friends.

The reason she arrived late (along with her husband and two young daughters) is because they had a last minute viewing on their house.

AIBU to feel hurt and insulted by this?

I have tried talking to my husband about this, but he just shrugs it off. He feels similar to me, but won’t do anything about it or say anything to her. I think he ought to say something, but that’s me. They’re a very avoidant family, but I like to raise how I feel with others (with the hopes that we work through it of course).

Perhaps it was their natural poor timekeeping, perhaps they feel the marriage rather than the wedding is the important thing. Perhaps even more likely they feel they have already missed your wedding as you had a private elopement and that this was just a party.
If you think a wedding is such an important event why did you not decide to share that with your closest friends and family?

Please re-read the post you quoted. You have completely misunderstood it. That poster was also saying the OP, Bridezilla as you put it, is at fault. That poster was comparing the OP to her own SIL.

Perhaps you should work on your reading and comprehension skills before claiming posters aren't lovely.

This you sound so entitled OP

People forget that gift giving can be a love language.

Google translate: here is a £50 John Lewis voucher which cost me zero thoughts but which I knew would shut you up

Bloody hell that's awful

Much like you misread your SILs intention when only bringing a card.

also, ask yourself this, if there had been money in the card would you be posting here? Because you claim you aren’t bothered that there is no money in the card, but all other comments contradict that

“Love language” gives me the ick. Grabby YouTube generation vibes from you op

Aww, didums didn't get a prezzie.
TBH it doesn't sound as if you want her in the photographs.

Is this out of the ordinary behaviour for her or is she normally like this?

maybe she is under pressure re house sale etc. there are multiple factors that influence behaviour. Maybe your husband should call his sister.

i don’t think all this stewing over very minor faux pas (subjective) is necessary. It’s all so over dramatic.

Have got nothing better to do?

Anonymity sometimes brings out the worst in people or are you just that?

Someone you don’t talk to & only see twice a year, so have no idea of their financial
position. They still made the effort to attend and brought a card to congratulate you on your marriage.

I think expecting a gift from a sister you don’t talk and only see at group family gatherings is a bit optimistic to say the least.

regardless she didn’t get one. She came. Move on. Not like the relationship can get worse is it.

I do think some of the comments are unnecessarily nasty. I can understand that OP would find SIL’s behaviour a bit rude. I still think she is being unreasonable because the initial post implied that it’s a bad thing to be avoidant and always a good thing to say how you feel. I disagree, if you make an issue of small things all it does is cause rifts and arguments, it doesn’t resolve anything. Sometimes it’s better to pretend not to notice ( this also takes the wind out of the sails if it’s an intentional snub). Saying how you feel is for important issues and closer relationships. I wouldn’t give this any importance.

The thing is, successfully moving house will likely have a much much significant and long last ing impact on their lives than the perfectness of your wedding pics will have on yours.

It sounds like you are in different life phases and have different priorities.

I would be gutted if my siblings and nieces had to miss out on moving to a better home because elf a party and some photos.

And you do have to jump on a viewing, it's not easy to sell a house these days.

You can't have it both ways! If your husband's sister wasn't at the wedding ceremony you can hardly complain they didn't get you a gift.

Yeah but it's not a very healthy love language. I got my sister fuck all for her wedding. We are very close. Some people don't need to be bought items to express love. Also moving cards are not a thing. Creating strict social rules on how you want everyone to behave is just going to alienate people and disappoint you constantly.

I think ultimately you can't have your cake and eat it.

If you feel that a wedding is a family event that should be very important to everyone, you need to invite them (to the wedding itself)and have the reception as part of that (even if that means compromising on the location so they can all be there).

If you want a more private wedding in an amazing location without the wider family, you are signalling that this is about you and your husband and your experience together and not the wider family.

I also think it's common for brides and grooms to be very caught up in getting married (which is right and proper!) but forget that to other people their marriages/lives/kids/homes are more important to them.

It sounds like you have different outlooks, are at different life stages etc. I would not dwell on it, just be glad you had a lovely wedding and enjoy your life together. You will be related to his sister for a long time (hopefully!) so I would let it go.

I have to say I totally disagree I would not have agreed to a house viewing when I had a prior social arrangement. I consider that very rude.

I am finding all this prioritising of selling a house really odd. I would not put a house viewing over something I had planned.

The state of the market at the moment is not good.

Maybe no judgement just saying it seems odd to me

This is why people think you’re being odd. I think most people see the ceremony as a pretty integral part of a wedding!

Your ceremony in St Lucia was your wedding. This was a post-wedding celebration for people who couldn’t be there. I’m sure it was lovely. But YABU to expect people to treat it exactly like a wedding reception, where you’re expected to be available for photographs straight after the ceremony. The ceremony was a) weeks before and b) on a different continent! If I went to a wedding where everyone was expected to behave exactly like it was a wedding, only without the ceremony, I’d wonder why you hadn’t just had a normal wedding and gone to St Lucia for your honeymoon.

Let it go. Maybe they’re short of money at the moment. They didn’t miss the ceremony they were a bit late for a party. Life is too short and it’s unpleasant to have a wedge between siblings .

Can't help thinking @PalmTreeAngel if you wanted them in the pictures, you would have invited them to the actual ceremony?

............................ but she’s very insular, and doesn’t seem that interested in us. She’s just not involved in our lives. Didn’t get a moving card when we moved

OMG she didn't get you a moving card when you moved. The utter bitch.

I'm not surprised you didn't invite her to your wedding.

It’s really hard selling a house, and as it wasn’t our ceremony, I don’t mind being late for this.

Really? You don't mind?
That's odd, because in your OP you say:

"The reason she arrived late (along with her husband and two young daughters) is because they had a last minute viewing on their house.

AIBU to feel hurt and insulted by this?

Make your mind up! You actually started this thread to complain about her being late for your party.