To say no to being a guarantor for SC mum?

[OhYesYouDid0]

Wondering what everyone's thoughts are on this.

My husband has children with his ex partner. I don't have a problem with his ex, we actually get on pretty well and she's a good mum. But I know she struggles with money and being sensible with it, I'm not judging but it's important context to this situation.

She asked recently if DH would meet her for a coffee to discuss something. It turns out she is in a bit of a mess financial and has a large amount of debt. Long story short she is having to leave her current home and downsize but due to poor credit she is having to put down a guarantor on the new property and she has asked that this be DH. She doesn't have much family around other than elderly parents and one brother whom she isn't close to.

DH came home to discuss this with me and I'm at a loss. Honestly I want to say no. We are comfortable financially but there are things we have planned for the next few years that are quite money heavy, an extension on our house, perhaps trying for another child (we have one 5 year old together) and I am reluctant to potentially have those plans put more financial strain on us or have to change completely if she were to need DH to help cover the rent. She assures us it won't come to that but really who knows. She lost her job a couple of years ago (redundancy) and has struggled since then on lower paid ones she says, having taking things on credit she really shouldn't have.

DH is obviously torn as its his children's home but has said he would not agree to anything if I wasn't fully on board.

It's hard, I have absolutely no issue with SC living with us if it helps or being here more often (currently 3 nights per week) but part of me does feel that's where our obligation ends. I am reluctant to put potential strain on my own life, children, finances because of exes money troubles and I want to say no.

WWYD?

If it does want to help, it might be a case of him giving her the money to get a guarantee from a guarantee company, I.e. a once off cost/fee

Yes, I agree that could be a possibility if they're determined to step in

Admittedly this wouldn't be cheap either, but it has to be a damned sight better than signing up for the lot

Only a fool would be a guarantor to somebody who is already bad with finances.

He can look after the children full time in his house until the mother is back on her feet.
Pay for one of those specialist rent guarantors that have a fixed fee/fixed term.
Or help pay for six months upfront rent which avoids needing a guarantor.

No need for him to put himself, his children or his second family in jeopardy. There are safer options.

Do not under any circumstances agree to be her guarantor for any kind of debt. If your husband does this then it will not bode well for your futures.

You and your partner could offer 6 months rent upfront but agree with his ex-partner that maintenance payments will be paused until the sum is recouped (i.e. the £650 each month adds up to the sum he has provided). Hopefully this will be affordable for his ex as she will not have rent to pay on a month to month basis - assuming the landlord is happy to be paid monthly after the initial period.

But
Other considerations are: Would his ex be able to claim housing benefit to pay rent? Would paying in advance complicate this?

Keep proof of the money transfer and have it in writing (signed and agreed) that this is maintenance in advance in the unlikely even your partners ex takes an official route for maintenance.

Would your partners ex be better (as suggested by someone already) to go down the homeless route in the hope of eventually getting secure, affordable housing.

Can his ex restructure her debt with the help of a free debt advice company such as stepchange or Christians Against Poverty to stop the issue spiralling over again.

His children need housing. Housing them at your house 100% of the time is not a good solution. How do you think your 5yo would cope if you and your DH split up and circumstances meant that the 5yo had to live with your DH 100% of the time. Deprived of living with his/her mother. Serious emotional damage and resentment lasting a lifetime - especially knowing that the father acting as a guarantor could have prevented this.

I would be very careful. Obviously you can see the serious financial downside and it is severe and could impact your life. But if you don’t act as guarantor, then those children potentially lose the ability to live with their mother and/or live in poverty/really shit accommodation. Your DH having another child whilst two of his existing three are in poverty is irresponsible.

I would look into whether the guarantor can be for a limited time or capped amount of money. He has a responsibility not just to house/bring up his children, but also to make sure that they are emotionally and mentally cared for - and that includes living with their mother in a not-uncomfortable situation for at least 50% of the time. You say she is a nice woman. She is likely a lovely mum to them and they need her.

I am a landlord and Hell would freeze over before I became a guarantor for a rental agreement.
It has to be an unlimited arrangement as even if the tenant stops paying it can take months or even years to evict them. The guarantor has all of the financial responsibility but with none of the rights to terminate the tenancy.
At present it is possible to offer an advance payment, but this will be prohibited under proposed amendments in the Renter’s Rights bill.
OP how much is the proposed rent in relation to the child support your DH pays?
The reason I ask is because it can actually be less of a risk to become a joint tenant on the agreement ( although strictly speaking he should only be on it if he lives there).
He could pay the current child support directly to the landlord and then he only needs to rely on her to pay the balance.
As a joint tenant he would have the right to terminate if she failed to meet her obligations, so could end his liability much sooner.

Yes but those safer options you describe, the part about him having the kids 100% of the time, will deprive them of living with their mother - very damaging.

Never a good idea to be financial tied to someone you are not even related to.

This.

Rubbish. It's not like she will be living in Outer Mongolia and unable to see them.

Being a guarantor for someone who defaults could end up with you losing your own home, and then what?

Hard no from me! My brother once asked me to act as guarantor and much as I love him, I said no. At the time I was a single mum of two, had no savings myself and was living ‘month to month’. He had (wrongly!) assumed that as a teacher I’d be ‘loaded’ 🤦‍♀️🤷‍♀️ I wish!

Have to be honest and say that my refusal did put a strain on our relationship, but I couldn’t say yes…I literally would not have been able to bail him out!

In the end he asked our grandad, and 18 months later he had defaulted, as he lost both his job and his wife! My poor grandad ended up having to pay thousands of pounds.

I would NEVER act as guarantor for anyone!! It’s way too risky.

Hell no.

I do not cosign loans for anyone. Your husband's ex who has gotten herself into debt and has poor credit? Nope. Because you are married and share property, the risk of him signing would be joint because it affects all your plans.

There are reasons she's gotten into financial difficulty and she's a financial risk. She needs to address those.

Much better that the father remains financially stable so the kids will always have a roof over their head, than risk both parents getting into a mess.

I strongly advise against doing this @OhYesYouDid0 as it won't have a good outcome and could go on for many years.

The agreement will be in place as long as she's in the property and that could be a very long time. There would be no way of getting you off as a guarantor unless she finds a new one or moves on.

I think there are a few unfair assumptions here.

He didn't leave her & so she has no renting history available for good credit. They were never married and have been separated for a long time! We have been married for 10 years. She has rented since they separated over a decade ago, the kids are teens. No one left anyone, it was all very amicable. It was actually DH who moved into a bedsit when they first separated so she could stay in the family home which was later sold and they both rented.

She was in a pretty well paid job until she was made redundant but has struggled to find something similarly paid since then & as she has admitted herself, has taken too much credit (car finance things like that) which have been unaffordable and have built up.

I am actually the marginally higher earner in our relationship and work hard to be able to save for things like our proposed home works & potentially expanding our family so yes I am very reluctant to potentially lose those opportunities because DHs ex made some irresponsible financial decisions, I appreciate it is in part due to the job loss, but she is the first to admit she has not helped the situation and hasn't been sensible.

I think I'm inclined to agree with the majority that we need to be sensible and say no to this.

That’s up to the Mum really, isn’t it.

Just a reminder.. guarantor doesn't just leave you liable for the rent but also legal fees if it takes court to evict someone and recover fees. It could end up being way more than just rent you owe.

I was my ex husbands guarantor for a year because it was the only way to get him out of my house and I paid a years rent up front so I knew he couldn't not pay but it was super hard to get off his tenancy and he took the piss (predictably!)

It's his duty to make sure his children are housed. Not his ex. Why should he and op be financially hit because his ex has been shit with money. Does she get to keep spending irresponsibly and he has to continue to house her forevermore? Don't be ridiculous.

I am also not completely against discussing other ways to help, like paying the fee for a guarantor company. Although admittedly I'm not keen on the idea of taking a chunk of our savings to pay a load of rent upfront.

The ex does have family; elderly parents and one brother, as OP wrote in her original post.
OP's DH may feel obliged to do more for his DC, but he certainly isn't obliged to do anything for his ex - she's an adult who has 50% responsibility to keep a roof over her DC's heads.
"Taking" the DC away from her certainly isn't the right thing to do, but offering to have them more than the 3 nights they currently do is a perfectly reasonable offer to make if the ex agrees it would help with her finances.

Absolutely not, no way, never would I be a guarantor in this situation. You sign up to an unlimited financial responsibility that could become 10s of thousands quickly. For all those talking about putting the children first - What happens if (when) she does not pay, then OP or her husband lose their job and things get tight for them too? They could lose all their savings, even their own house! How would that help the children? It’s a realistic scenario.
I too think the offer to house the children is the right thing to do in these circumstances. However it should not come to that if the ex does not wish it. She should present as homeless to the council. With children she will be considered priority need and helped.
Depending on how much rent is, perhaps you could pay the rent as DH‘s contribution to his children’s upbringing and take on the contract directly instead of other maintenance payments? Again just throwing ideas out there. At least then your risk is in your control. Other forms of help yes, guarantor no. Find a good excuse to maintain relations, but no.

Forgot to add, if she relies on benefits that suggestion to pay the rent directly would not work

i think the main concern should be what the impact could be on the children.

if They’re teenagers its not like their babies or young children - but presumably they still rely on their mother and moving full time to yours would be a wrench - but maybe that wrench would not be massive - maybe I would.

i think that’s really question - I would agree to it (but not that happily) if I thought that the potential impact on the children of losing that home would be significant. If I thought it would be manageable I would be less inclined to.

It’s a difficult situation

Please don't agree to act as guarantor - costly way to help.

If you do have the capacity to help her out - could you pay off some of her debt, or increase maintenance to cover higher proportion of her rent. At least that way you are in complete control over how much you pay.

Nope
if in the future you want to remortgage to do an extension or take out a loan there is a high probability that the amount your guaranteeing say 1k a month will reduce the amount you can borrow

once your on the hook as a guarantor it won’t end until she leaves the house

if she leaves the house on bad terms your on the hook for potentiality thousands of pounds

Completely out there idea:

If your DH already pays £650 maintenance could you both not buy another property and let her live there instead of paying her maintenance.

Obviously depends where you live in the country, and if you have enough equity in your current property/savings to be able to buy another property.

When her boys are 18 she can either pay you market rent or you’ve got that investment for your future.

Or, you could end up paying £1000+ a month in rent.