To say no to being a guarantor for SC mum?

[OhYesYouDid0]

Wondering what everyone's thoughts are on this.

My husband has children with his ex partner. I don't have a problem with his ex, we actually get on pretty well and she's a good mum. But I know she struggles with money and being sensible with it, I'm not judging but it's important context to this situation.

She asked recently if DH would meet her for a coffee to discuss something. It turns out she is in a bit of a mess financial and has a large amount of debt. Long story short she is having to leave her current home and downsize but due to poor credit she is having to put down a guarantor on the new property and she has asked that this be DH. She doesn't have much family around other than elderly parents and one brother whom she isn't close to.

DH came home to discuss this with me and I'm at a loss. Honestly I want to say no. We are comfortable financially but there are things we have planned for the next few years that are quite money heavy, an extension on our house, perhaps trying for another child (we have one 5 year old together) and I am reluctant to potentially have those plans put more financial strain on us or have to change completely if she were to need DH to help cover the rent. She assures us it won't come to that but really who knows. She lost her job a couple of years ago (redundancy) and has struggled since then on lower paid ones she says, having taking things on credit she really shouldn't have.

DH is obviously torn as its his children's home but has said he would not agree to anything if I wasn't fully on board.

It's hard, I have absolutely no issue with SC living with us if it helps or being here more often (currently 3 nights per week) but part of me does feel that's where our obligation ends. I am reluctant to put potential strain on my own life, children, finances because of exes money troubles and I want to say no.

WWYD?

I used to work in debt recovery. We used to joke : "What do you call an idiot with a pen in his hand? A guarantor".

Very difficult situation for you. Just be aware that if she didn't pay the rent the Landlord could come to your DH for it, could get a CCJ, an attachment of earnings order or even a lean on your house.

Yabu- these are HIS children and he has a responsibility to ensure they are housed. If he signs as guarantor it isn't going to affect your money at all. It will only risk affecting what he can contribute for a short time.

The only other option is if the DC come to live with you.

I 100% agree with this

Its putting op and her husband at risk financially, which will in turn impact on the children even more so if anything was to happen.

Sounds like he already has the kids almost half, pays half of expenses and pays a decent amount of maintenance. I think he is doing enough and would be mad to consider putting himself in this position

No, No, No, they are divorced, he pays maintenance for the children. He does not have a responsibility for her housing. Do not do it.
He has offered to have his children more as well.
Ignore those who say he has a responsibility for her, he has a responsibility for his children which he fulfills. Also you have your child to think of. Please say no.

Of course it affects op and her husband's money...the mum hasnt exactly shown her self to be financially responsible and she could default on the rent at any time, meaning op and her husband are liable.

Op has already said they are happy to take the kids in...their responsibility ends there

If he signs as guarantor it isn't going to affect your money at all. It will only risk affecting what he can contribute for a short time.

You clearly don’t have a clue what someone is signing themselves up for by being a guarantor.

Nope. If she messes up then it's you and your children's life that suffers, and she could still end up out on her arse anyway. You need to ensure that at least one set of parents is financially as secure as possible.

As an alternative could either have her live with you for 6 months to save up more (I certainly couldn't do it, but I'm just throwing it out there!) or could you offer to pay 3 or 6 months rent upfront for her in the hope they might sway a landlord into taking her on.

She's made some mistakes but she's the kids primary caregiver - their mum, and it doesn't sound like she's a bad one

Struggles come for all of us at times - if the roles were reversed, I would be saying the same

They're family. He's just a guarantor, not paying the rent

They’re not being removed from their mother. They already spend nearly half the week with OP and her DH and they’re welcome to stay full time whilst their mother gets sorted. He also pays maintenance for them. There’s no question of them not being housed.

If their mother is constantly bailed out, how is she going to get herself on an even keel? The children are what’s important and having a familiar roof over their heads is surely better than uncertain, short term rentals.

Honestly no

i got a 6yr loan out for someone who I thought I could trust and pay it back as family - as had bad credit and couldn’t get one with a low %

where I have a great credit and for a loan with a much lower %

guess who has paid the loan for the last year and has 4yrs left

me as loan is in my name

they don’t have a job and now on uc and no money

I will NEVER take a loan or be guarantee ever again

as if they don’t pay you have to !!!

Most of the time, a major point of separating is so that you aren’t responsible for your ex anymore.

Parents are responsible for for making sure their children are ok, they aren’t responsible for their ex. Especially not when the ex has been irresponsible with money to her children’s detriment.

No he shouldn't. He and OP are married and being guarantor for his ExW has the potential to harm their family's finances. No way should he do this without OP's agreement.

Do you understand what a guarantor is?

If the Mum continues being financially irresponsible then op and her dh will absolutely be paying the rent, and the court fees.

Precisely, this thread is an eye opener in how appalling some people's understanding of finances is, and their level of expectation in a spouse!!
Or that they've time travelled 700 years!
"Worry not fair Gertrude! Thou hast MARRIED!! and must never consider personal responsibility again. Now there is a MAN in thy life!!'

She's not being constantly bailed out. She's a working mother taking care of his kids, it's not like he's paying her bills.

He should be a guarantor for the woman he made a family with, it's really not a big deal.

She has poor financial control and has a high risk of defaulting which is why they are offloading the risk to a guarantor. DONT DO IT ..she will drag you down with her..

He's just a guarantor, not paying the rent

Another one who doesn’t understand what being a guarantor means.

Its not really about his ex though it’s about his DC
Can’t believe someone has suggested the ex going to a flat share and the DC going to dads full time
The DC must come first, and if you get with someone with kids ( which I would not ) you have to accept that

@OhYesYouDid0 YANBU OP - your instincts are spot on. Do not, ever, act as guarantor for anyone (even your own DH). They can make all the promises in world about not needing to call on your guarantee, but none of us can see into the future and unfortunately, shit happens. Unless you can easily afford to meet that commitment (and wouldn't resent it), do not do it.

This type of agreement tends not to have an end date, so you can not limit the liability. You have said she s not financially responsible and this is unlikely to change. I'm afraid I would be saying no.

But it is a big deal...its potentially paying the rent of her property for however long he signs up to be guarantor for.

All she has to happen is an unexpected bill or a sob story and op and her husband have to pay the rent.

He already pays a good amount of maintenance, half expences for his kids and has them 3 nights a week (rightly so) he is already taking responsibility for his children and mum needs to come up with something else.

I used to work in debt recovery and typically it's the nicest, most well meaning people that sign guarantees and most of them end up being pursued for the debt and it costs them 1000s.

Definitely don't sign an open ended one or one with no clear provisions on max amount, max term and clear & fair methods to revoke it. Unfortunately most rental guarantees are open ended.

If it does want to help, it might be a case of him giving her the money to get a guarantee from a guarantee company, I.e. a once off cost/fee.

He should also give her information on steps change etc. What's causing the main issue? If it's a credit card where the minimum payment is in excess of what she can afford or ever did he way out off- perhaps he could clear that to help if he's feeling really generous.

Whatever he does, signing an open ended rental guarantee is beyond foolish.

Let's be honest, guarantees are only requested where the person themselves isn't a good bet. (Often not their fault, but it is the reality).

"He's just a guarantor, not paying the rent" WTAF?! Do you know what being a guarantor means? OP's DH absolutely would be paying the rent if his ExW defaults.

So not only does she lose her home. But also her children.
She is obviously struggling with col. Especially after being made redundant and a single parent.
Finding somewhere to rent can be very hard if you don't have perfect credit or 2 wages coming in.

I would never be guarantor for someone who is not sensible with money, you will end up footing the bill.