To say no to being a guarantor for SC mum?

[OhYesYouDid0]

Wondering what everyone's thoughts are on this.

My husband has children with his ex partner. I don't have a problem with his ex, we actually get on pretty well and she's a good mum. But I know she struggles with money and being sensible with it, I'm not judging but it's important context to this situation.

She asked recently if DH would meet her for a coffee to discuss something. It turns out she is in a bit of a mess financial and has a large amount of debt. Long story short she is having to leave her current home and downsize but due to poor credit she is having to put down a guarantor on the new property and she has asked that this be DH. She doesn't have much family around other than elderly parents and one brother whom she isn't close to.

DH came home to discuss this with me and I'm at a loss. Honestly I want to say no. We are comfortable financially but there are things we have planned for the next few years that are quite money heavy, an extension on our house, perhaps trying for another child (we have one 5 year old together) and I am reluctant to potentially have those plans put more financial strain on us or have to change completely if she were to need DH to help cover the rent. She assures us it won't come to that but really who knows. She lost her job a couple of years ago (redundancy) and has struggled since then on lower paid ones she says, having taking things on credit she really shouldn't have.

DH is obviously torn as its his children's home but has said he would not agree to anything if I wasn't fully on board.

It's hard, I have absolutely no issue with SC living with us if it helps or being here more often (currently 3 nights per week) but part of me does feel that's where our obligation ends. I am reluctant to put potential strain on my own life, children, finances because of exes money troubles and I want to say no.

WWYD?

She can't as she has no family

She had one, but is now separated. He should be willing to do this for her, as she has fallen on hard times and is the mother of his kids

Taking the kids away from her isn't the right thing to do here

Do not do this. It will affect every financial decision you make in future as you will have to declare your liability and it will be taken into account. If they default, you will have no rights over their property, which will they continue to own, but your assets will be taken to pay their debt if you cannot meet it with cash. The very fact that they have been asked for a guarantor shows they are higher risk. It’s tough, but if they can’t afford something, they can’t have it. You would be effectively agreeing to buy it for them. Your husband cannot separate it from your joint finances. If they run up penalties as well as debts, your liability could be limitless. Do not do this.

"The only other option is if the DC come to live with you." OP has made clear she is perfectly happy for this to happen.

But the children are coming first...they have the offer of a secure home with their dad and op whilst their mum sorts herself out.

Noone is saying take the kids and never see mum again...they are saying, if she does not manage to get a house without op and her ex being a guarantor there is options where the kids will be secure and safe and mum can have some breathing space to find herself a home for her and the kids

Op and husband would be mad to put themselves at risk like this

It's very difficult because they are his children, but being a guarantor can have implications and she already has a bad track record with money. I might agree for limited period, but that's probably not going to be acceptable. However, he has a duty to make sure his children are adequately housed.

You’d be crazy to agree. Of course you shouldn’t do this.

You know it will start with "I'm just a bit short this month because..." and soon escalate to your DH paying it in full as a never-ending commitment.

Do not do this. Find another way to help her.

This is definitely the best idea. We had a guarantor and they would be contacted the instant our payment was late - there was a discrepancy on dates in documentation.

A guarantor is essentially saying they will cover the rent and any fees if the tenant is unable to pay.

This puts your and your home at risk and it's no good saying you cannot afford it. The courts will make you pay and will send bailiffs to you, not the tenant, if they don't.

I didn't read all of your post but you/anyone should NEVER be a guarantor for anybody unless you are either extremely rich or quite happy to be taken to court/having your house taken away from you if they default on payments.

Are you very rich or willing to lose your house? Because the latter DOES happen.

It’s not a real option if the mum is being coerced into it under financial duress by the dad and his new wife.

The mum has to willingly consent and want her DC to live with their dad.

My own parents refused to be a guarantor when I wanted to buy my own car - despite me being very responsible. So I waited, saved up some money and it turns out I didn’t need a guarantor.

You need to say no. This person needs to pay off her debt and to do this she needs to consolidate and possibly move in with her parents as it’s likely she won’t be able to afford to service her debt and her rent and you will have to pay.

No way Jose. It's too big of a risk.

Maybe her ex - your husband - could increase the amount of maintenance he pays which would ultimately benefit his children. If she is struggling for money whilst he is not, he’s not paying enough maintenance. She’ll be prioritising housing and feeding their children.

If he can afford an to save for extension and another child with his second wife, he can afford to support the mother of his original family better. She probably took a backseat with her career to support his by looking after their children, or she’d be in better paid employment now, like he is.

Think carefully before saying no. You might be in her shoes soon as well. Saying yes won’t be the end of the world; she’s unlikely to get to the point of non-payment that a guarantor would have to stump
up the money - it doesn’t happen instantly and might not happen at all.

Some good advice here.

I hope for OP sake she can pick it out.

Just posting a little link here for anyone who thinks that being a guarantor is super easy and doesn't mean you're liable for anything because you're 'only being a guarantor, not paying the rent' or because 'she's unlikely to get to the point of non payment' etc etc.

https://www.experian.co.uk/consumer/guides/being-a-guarantor.html

As others experienced in the industry have said - it is absolutely likely that she will get to the point of non-payment and at that point OP and her DH are liable for everything.

OP I hear you that this is a really difficult situation, personally I would try to offer up other options as support (ie having DC at yours more, as you have suggested) but absolutely avoid being a guarantor unless you're rich enough to be able to cover both her monthly rent and your own costs every single month for the duration of her rental agreement.

Landlords commonly require guarantors even if the applicant passes the affordability checks for the rent. It’s not usually debt or poor credit, but lack of a credit history specifically for paying rent.
”When renting a property in the UK, many landlords require tenants to have a guarantor. This is especially common for first-time renters, students, or those with limited credit histories.”

• https://contend.legal/housing/uk-renting-guide-who-can-be-your-guarantor-tips-rules/

Which has happened because your DH left her and they had to downsize the family home. He, being the father of their DC, should be the guarantor for the roof over their head.

After a few years of her renting, she won’t need a guarantor anymore.

This has the potential to go really bad really quickly, it would be a no from me.

How would you all cope with her losing her job and then having to essentially cover 2 homes, that you would then be legally obliged to, financially and emotionally, what impact that would have on your relationship.

Offering for the children to stay with you is more than enough, as you say, you have to draw a line a line somewhere.

As a stepmother you'll automatically get a hammering from some on here, but I'm with the vast majority who've said you'd have to be mad to do this

Your DH is (quite rightly) being pretty generous already, and assurances that "It would never come to that" from the DCs' mum mean nothing - after all, as a PP said, if she was that capable of managing finances she wouldn't need a guarantor in the first place

As for "there is already debt from unaffordable credit (which to her credit she has been completely honest about)", how can you know? Step into this particcular snakepit and I'll almost guarantee a lot more would come to light which you never knew

OP I hear you that this is a really difficult situation, personally I would try to offer up other options as support (ie having DC at yours more, as you have suggested) but absolutely avoid being a guarantor unless you're rich enough to be able to cover both her monthly rent and your own costs every single month for the duration of her rental agreement.

It is the DH’s decision, not the OP’s decision as she isn’t being asked to be guarantor and none of her income or assets will be at risk.

NO.

Its not a case of taking over the rent OP. The arrears will build up first and then the first you'll hear of them is when the bailiffs turn up for full payment.

Don't do it to yourself. She's shit with money and she won't give a toss if she lands you in it

Housing benefit via UC would be available if she lost her job.

For me, it would depend on what you were being a guarantor for, smallish size house with enough room plus benefits helping get pay rent? Not a mansion.
Does he have to bail her out often? I think that sometimes it’s just getting things over the line in the current market.
FWIW though, when my exH and his ex girlfriend split up, and he ended up in a brutal situation financially I gave him a key to my house so he could spend time with our daughter there.

Absolute rubbish.

So she doesn't have to take responsibility for things? The OP and dh can't have savings or nice things for themselves because the ex-w lives beyond her means..
And yes, they could be in her shoes soon as they'll have no money as they're paying maintenance, AND 50% of all kids items, the exs rent and their own household expenses.
But yes, the '2nd family' should know they don't matter as long as the ex is mollycoddled from adult responsibility!

" ... she’s unlikely to get to the point of non-payment that a guarantor would have to stump up the money ..." What nonsense - you can't possibly say this.

@OhYesYouDid0

I think if you do this it could irreparably damage the co-parenting relationship going forward when it goes wrong. It could cast a long bitter shadow if you end up footing the bill and the legal fees.

I think it was unfair of her to ask him as it's not his decision alone. It's put you both in a difficult position.

I'd be saying no and whilst it may cause short term issues it will protect the co-parenting relationship long term.

To let her down gently and close the door on the subject, I'd go back with the line that you will be unable to proceed with your loan if you are a guarantor and this has been confirmed by your bank after you've checked, so the answer needs to be no.

Clear and concise but let her know as soon as possible so she can look for an alternative solution.