To say no to being a guarantor for SC mum?

[OhYesYouDid0]

Wondering what everyone's thoughts are on this.

My husband has children with his ex partner. I don't have a problem with his ex, we actually get on pretty well and she's a good mum. But I know she struggles with money and being sensible with it, I'm not judging but it's important context to this situation.

She asked recently if DH would meet her for a coffee to discuss something. It turns out she is in a bit of a mess financial and has a large amount of debt. Long story short she is having to leave her current home and downsize but due to poor credit she is having to put down a guarantor on the new property and she has asked that this be DH. She doesn't have much family around other than elderly parents and one brother whom she isn't close to.

DH came home to discuss this with me and I'm at a loss. Honestly I want to say no. We are comfortable financially but there are things we have planned for the next few years that are quite money heavy, an extension on our house, perhaps trying for another child (we have one 5 year old together) and I am reluctant to potentially have those plans put more financial strain on us or have to change completely if she were to need DH to help cover the rent. She assures us it won't come to that but really who knows. She lost her job a couple of years ago (redundancy) and has struggled since then on lower paid ones she says, having taking things on credit she really shouldn't have.

DH is obviously torn as its his children's home but has said he would not agree to anything if I wasn't fully on board.

It's hard, I have absolutely no issue with SC living with us if it helps or being here more often (currently 3 nights per week) but part of me does feel that's where our obligation ends. I am reluctant to put potential strain on my own life, children, finances because of exes money troubles and I want to say no.

WWYD?

It's very ingenuous to assume that it wouldn't have implications for his current wife though.

Absolutely not under any circumstances.

If she doesn’t pay it then you’ll have to pay. Which given she has bad credit to the extent she has to move is highly likely.

If you are comfortably enough off to loan her 6 months up front that’s something to consider but only if never getting it back won’t effect your finances.

The poster who said it wasn’t you being asked - ie that it’s not your business - is nuts. Marriage is a legally binding arrangement - this includes finances. Asking him IS asking you as it can impact your finances if she doesn’t pay.

How much is the rent?

What about agreeing to pay the rent in lieu of the maintenance?

Absolutely do not do this.

She struggles with money and being sensible with it.
She is in a bit of a financial mess and has a large amount of debt.
She has poor credit

That would be enough for me. It would only be a matter of time before you had the bailiffs knocking at your door demanding money from your DH for unpaid rent.

I am sure there are other ways you can offer your support for her and your DH's children.

DO NOT DO IT

I was guarantor on a 3 bedroom house for a “friend” who had just separated from her husband, altogether it cost me £54,248.14 including legal fees which is also recoverable from the guarantor by the way, not just the rent.

I repeat, DO NOT DO IT!

How much rent will she need to pay ? Does she earn a full time wage? With her wages CB and maintenance will this enable her to live.I suggest she contacts CAP,Turn to us who could help manage her debts giving her more money monthly.She needs to take responsibility for her predicament she finds her self in.Having the SC more nights means she could find extra work and sort her life out.She needs to find a way what she is asking is a no.

I used to be a credit controller collecting residential rents & I loved a guarantor. The minute rent was late my companys policy was to go straight to the guarantor. Plus if the renter stopped paying & the guarantor refused to pay any more (this was not unusual) my company issued summons against both parties.
I would not be a guarantor.

For me, it would very much depend how she’s ended up in this scenario.
Did she get a fair settlement in the split? Has he set her up once already for success and she stuffed it up?
Or did he fuck her over from day one and she’s never really stood a chance of getting back on her own 2 feet

I would never be a guarantor except for our dc’s student rental.
By the time a guarantor is called upon there could already be interest, legal costs etc added to the debt meaning you are liable for more than anticipated.

Never ever be a guarantor for anyone, no matter who they are.

She doesn't have people that she can rely on. She did have her kids father

He has a duty to ensure that the mother of his children isn't homeless, of course he does

Poor woman, life is tough, it can't have been easy to ask her ex and his new wife

I have an ok relationship with my dsc mum from my previous relationship. There is no way in he'll I would have sacrificed our home to gmbe guarantor for her. The kids need 1 stable family unit!

I agree with your proposal to have the kids more, help pay a guarantor company fee etc but do not risk your own financial stability.

You are very kind to say this.

It may be that the ex has been spending money frivolously…. But it’s concerning she’s renting while her ex husband owns his own home.

Exactly this, well said. Your refusal may have put a strain on your sibling relationship, but I advised two separate clients who foolishly agreed to be guarantors for family members who defaulted on their rent and it put more than a strain on their relationships - they no longer had these relationships!

This is nonsense. She's an independent adult who's been divorced for at least 10 years. She's fucked up. It's not up to her ex to sort her finances out for her.

If the tables were turned and it was the kid's Dad in this situation no-one would be saying his ex wife should be a guarantor.

I wouldn't. There's no telling how much it could end up costing. Regardless of whether the money would be coming from OP's husband's private account or a joint account, it's still family money, and his 'family' does not include his ex-wife. His kids, yes, but not his former spouse.

There has to be another option. It may not be the one she'd prefer, but that's life.

He has precisely no duty at all to her.

His duty is to his kids, who will be fine.

Not only do you not understand what a guarantor is, you clearly don't understand what an ex is either.

@Staceysmum2025 OP has said that her DH moved into a bedsit after the split, whilst the ex stayed in the house with the children, until the house was sold and they both rented.

The ex has taken on too much credit and is now in debt.

I think, given what the majority of posters have said, particularly with those who have knowledge of the system, it would be foolhardy to be a guarantor and to put at risk the security of OP, her DH and child.

If they get into financial difficulties because of being a guarantor for the ex, that will be three adults and three children in difficulties.

Bloody hell! That is terrifying.

Could you detail how the £54k built up? I think it might be quite illuminating. In my head I was thinking how much could be at risk and came up with £20k and thought that Inwas being prudent!

Definition of a guarantor: a fool with a pen.

Don't do it.

Life is tough I agree... So tough that the husband lived in a bedsit when they first split up so ex and the children could remain in the family home until it sold.

He takes responsibility for his children and sounds like a very decent bloke.

Its unfair to put the responsibility of guarantor onto him and his wife. Its puts them at risk, no matter what intentions the ex wife has of paying. Things happen and they could be liable for a huge bill that isn't their responsibility.

also why do you think they want a guarantor with a house / homeowner

it’s because as a homeowner the last thing you want is a ccj
and you have an asset

just say no and make sure your DH doesn’t do it sneakily

If it was the other way around and a woman came on here asking if she should be the guarantor of her exDP who had been made redundant and run up loads of debts, people would be calling the bloke a waste of space. No way would they be saying the woman should do it for the sake of the children.

Just because the ex is female and a mother doesn’t mean she gets a free pass on running up loads of debts.

Why is he paying so much maintenance when they're with you nearly 50٪? Maybe he could be a guarantor but say if she defaults then he'll use the maintenance for the rent money.

That way she gets the house and an incentive to keep paying the rent.

She did have her kids' father, but their split was mutual and amicable and happened years ago. To suggest he has a "duty" to support her forever is simply ridiculous. He's paying £650pm child maintenance and half of the rest of his DC's expenses and having them stay with him and OP three nights pw (and would be happy to have them more often if his ex wanted this). His ex is an adult and it's her responsibility to manage her finances sensibly - which she plainly doesn't - to keep a roof over her and her DCs head.