To say no to being a guarantor for SC mum?

[OhYesYouDid0]

Wondering what everyone's thoughts are on this.

My husband has children with his ex partner. I don't have a problem with his ex, we actually get on pretty well and she's a good mum. But I know she struggles with money and being sensible with it, I'm not judging but it's important context to this situation.

She asked recently if DH would meet her for a coffee to discuss something. It turns out she is in a bit of a mess financial and has a large amount of debt. Long story short she is having to leave her current home and downsize but due to poor credit she is having to put down a guarantor on the new property and she has asked that this be DH. She doesn't have much family around other than elderly parents and one brother whom she isn't close to.

DH came home to discuss this with me and I'm at a loss. Honestly I want to say no. We are comfortable financially but there are things we have planned for the next few years that are quite money heavy, an extension on our house, perhaps trying for another child (we have one 5 year old together) and I am reluctant to potentially have those plans put more financial strain on us or have to change completely if she were to need DH to help cover the rent. She assures us it won't come to that but really who knows. She lost her job a couple of years ago (redundancy) and has struggled since then on lower paid ones she says, having taking things on credit she really shouldn't have.

DH is obviously torn as its his children's home but has said he would not agree to anything if I wasn't fully on board.

It's hard, I have absolutely no issue with SC living with us if it helps or being here more often (currently 3 nights per week) but part of me does feel that's where our obligation ends. I am reluctant to put potential strain on my own life, children, finances because of exes money troubles and I want to say no.

WWYD?

Guarantors don’t pay monthly rent? They only are liable if the tenant defaults.

And being able to pay monthly rent does not mean you have a spare tens of thousands lying around for a house deposit.

It helps poorer ones from being outbid by wealthier renters.

This isn’t true. The stipulation to be able to cover rent now is something like 3 or 4 times the rent. I rent, we pay £1100 atm, going rate is £1500. I own my own business with many staff and am okay financially- own a holiday home, we do days out, girls weekends abroad etc but when I rented this property I did not bring in £4400 a month in working income and needed a guarantor or 6 months rent upfront to be accepted- no bad credit, never missed a rent payment in the 13 years I’ve been renting- didn’t matter. I don’t earn enough. The rental market is tight at the moment, there are so many people competing for 1 rental property,

Definitely not you will be liable for her rent if she cannot pay. Can he help another way cutting her debt or paying more towards kids so she can concentrate on her finances ignore the people who say he should. He can house them but I expect he wouldn’t want them to be away from mum. I say she got herself in this mess it’s her job to get out of it. I would suggest a loan or something rather than a noose around your necks. I’ve been a guarantor it’s not fun having bailiffs knocking for a debt that technically not yours.

On my first reading of this I thought it was a mortgage scenario in which case I would say no as that’s a long term commitment and would need to be declared if you were borrowing for anything else. if it’s renting I would say yes with agreement to remove after 12 months. Moving into a flat share and being separated from kids is really harsh and would affect the kids. Obviously it’s of their own making. I would do this and make clear last time support of this nature will be offered.

Leopards do not change their spots. If she is in financial trouble now, unless she seeks professionally budgeting help, she will not walk a different financial road by being further subsidised by her ex (your DH).

my SIL tried this on with us many years ago and put a proposal forward if she could get a consolidator loan using our property to secure it, how much better off financially she would be and out of strife. As it was one of the nicer periods of our relationship with her, we thought long and hard over it. Like you, it was a relatively affordable sum for us should she have defaulted, but there was an unease about it, so we eventually declined.

she was able to still get the lower interest load rate through by knowing someone at the bank, and within 12 months had got herself back into further credit debt. Filed for bankruptcy.

if I were you, I would guide her to an appointment with a budgetary service. It’s a practical solution and they are usually in a position to renegotiate with lending providers.

You are not.

give a man a fish, he eats for a night, teach him how to fish etc etc (or however that saying goes).

@OhYesYouDid0 is she moving to free up some money to pay off her debts by downsizing? Or has she not been pay the rent on current home?
I was in a similar situation myself after redundancy (not downsizing or over spending). I had to cut everything to the bone just to get by.
I managed to pay everything off bit by bit and have never had another cc or debt since.
It's a horrible feeling and I'm sure she'll learn her lesson.
Perhaps if you up the kids being their to four nights, she could get an other pt job.

I always said I would never be a guarantor for anyone. I had to for my daughter and grandchild. Perhaps speak to her yourself before making the final decision.

This woman makes poor financial decision to the point she has to move from her current living situation. Unless you can potentially afford to pay 12 months rent ontop of your mortgage and living expenses I would say a resounding no.

What does it matter? They are married!!

If you give her a lump payment, the way you describe her tells me she will burn through this very rapidly. A lump payment is not a great solution as she will come knocking again. She asked him up front probably because they initially worked out an agreement in the beginning.

Custodial hours are the hours which require support. Extra hours visiting their father's house are not custodial unless the parents agree to this or a court says they are, so how many hours they spend there may not be relevant. Each parent is required to take care of their children which includes babysitting their own offspring if the other parent is not available or if the mother allows them to visit their father's house.

The agreement does not preclude her from going to court for more child support. She can always ask the court for relief. A court could possibly order him to become a co-guarantor, or to pay more in child support, especially as the other parent's income has dropped and/or if her debt can be linked to the reduction in her income. This would mean he was supposed to pay more once her income dropped to keep the children at their same level of support. It may also require him to pay all of the costs for legal assistance. Your plan to someday have another child, to build an extension, is not relevant to child support for existing children and this includes housing.

The court might require she be removed from the housing paperwork and he become the sole person responsible for their housing as he is the financially responsible parent. That should keep her debt to herself but it will create more monthly outflow from your household. It could be that the least expensive avenue is for you and your husband to help.

It is probable that he can only deduct so much from a support payment for paying for their housing as they also have to be fed, educated, clothed, kept warm and safe, especially since her income is now reduced and spotty.

Run the spreadsheets to see which avenue will work the best.

The guarantor needs to be able to pay the rent if the renter defaults or they risk their own home. So if course they have to be able to afford all of their own outgoings as well as the monthly rent. Have you read the posts where people have talked about being out over 50k after agreeing to be a guarantor for someone? If you're going to be a guarantor you need to think about the worst case scenario. Op had already said she has money earmarked for house projects and with another child in mind so chances are she does have savings or access to money that could be put towards a deposit. Your lack of imagination that some people may have savings is interesting.

Absolutely not

Yes but I mean that is in worse case scenario. It’s not an obligation upfront.

It also does not mean if they can afford to be a guarantor they can afford to purchase a second property.

Who said they don’t imagine people can have savings? Why are you making things up?

There is absolutely no way a UK court would compel someone to become a guarantor for someone else's debt. And unless he has significant assets of his own or is a particularly high earner, it is very unlikely that she would be successful in getting a schedule 1 housing order or even an increase in the amount of maintenance being paid. Ops share of any equity in their marital home and her income is irrelevant in any negotiations.

@SparklyLeader - you are nuts if you think a court will do that 😂
The court might require she be removed from the housing paperwork and he become the sole person responsible for their housing as he is the financially responsible parent.

Are you thinking of the very rare spousal support some women get? Because OPs husband was never married to that woman.

Yep. Same

i trusted the family person to pay the loan I got out for them. They did while had a job

Now on uc and no intention to get a job and as I said previously I’m paying for the loan now

fucked off - yes big time

don’t do it

I live in a different country.

Wealthier ones pass credit checks so they don't need to pay up front rent. Poorer ones don't pass credit checks so only way is have a guarantor who owns a property or pay up front.

Look at all the ways it would impact you. I do get where you and dh are coming from

You need to say no but you can :

-pay off some of her debt so she has a better credit.
make sure she is followed for her financial management difficulties

if she succeed you have help her but not enable her to keep making bad choices and not have consequences. You also taught to dsc to be careful with money.

You will need to allow give her as much money you are comfortable never seeing again with no resentment as she is a good mum.

I also think no, but u also need to think about how your future plans would change if thr SC came to live with you.
It's nice that you get along and you are being respectful of her - but you could maybe suggest that she may be better off applying for a council house. This way she wouldn't be liable for boiler repairs etc that would take a part of the financial strain off of her. She would also have the security of if she was to fall on hard times - her council have a dept that are on hand to help. Has she also spoken with CAB about help about her debt? All of this is speaking from experience (although none of this was my doing) I live in a lovely 3 bed council house in a lovely location. There is stigma for some people for having to rent a council place, but rent tends to be cheaper and being a single parent she would probably get more help than she realises financially

Seems all about what you want! Imagine offering to take her children and you think that would help her. Sacrifices have to be made when you blend families. Imagine someone saying to you no I can’t help but I will take your kids? People make mistakes and I’m sure she has learnt and is still learning. I can only imagine the nights of stress she has had thinking they all going to be homeless! She is desperate otherwise she wouldn’t have asked her kids dad to help. Like what women ever would want her ex to know she is struggling financially, while he is thriving with his new family. I see a desperate mother with no choice.

is there away she can stay in her current home? Is there arrears? If so could you’s pay some of them off and put the rest in plan that she can manage and maybe offer her an extra £100pm.

maybe have a sit down with her look at her finances. What she has coming in and what she has going out. What her current debt looks like and what she can afford. Then make a plan after seeing that. Maybe a Iva to write off unsecured debt into one payment plan?

me personally would help for the sake of his children they will remember dad didn’t help and he could have if you said yes.

No court could ever order him to be a guarantor and child maintenance is not dealt with by the courts unless the paying parent is a super high earner and over the CMS threshold. Every bit of this advice is total rubbish.

OMG. Sorry this happened to you. ‘Never a borrower or a lender be.’

I hope good things are on the horizon for you.

Are you MN with the family member?

I agree I would not agree to that.