Neighbours go to bed 1am and up at 5am we are knackered , detached house.

[Motheroffive999]

We can hear our neighbours running up and down the stairs , they shout in the house, they shout to each other from the house to the end of the garden.You can hear every word.We hear them in the bathroom , word for word.
The worst thing is that they get up early and shout at each other in the front garden and slam their car doors at least ten times because they are unorganized and spend ages packing the car / going back into the house and slamming their side gate.
Am I being unreasonable and a grumpy neighbour ?
I don't want to be woken up at 5 - 6 am every morning if I have been at work all week.
I am tearful and grumpy all the time.
If they come home at midnight I am asleep and I hear word for word what the are saying to each other, it's a conversation that could wait until they get inside.Of course slamming doors and telling each other who needs a wee or a poo or a cup of tea or a shower first.
I know exactly who and when needs a poo , needs to put on deodorant, what activities they are going to , what they are having for dinner etc etc , with the windows and doors shut. Three generations living there and three children.
Our house is detached .

The trouble is and I say this as someone who had a neighbour from hell playing music all night every night is that once you are sleep deprived by constant noise any noise, even perfectly reasonable noise, has exactly the same effect on you

I can hear my neighbours pooping but I’m in a terrace house made of paper thin walls. What on earth is wrong with your house if you can hear all that and it’s detached! I was going to stretch to a detached by wondering whether it’s worth it now!

We need a diagramme of both houses and the building specs at least. Then we can understand how noise is travelling so well that it is disturbing you. Does it affest the neighbour on the other side of the noisy house? Have they complained?

Your house must be made of cardboard! I’ve lived in semi-detached homes before and never heard the neighbours. My last few houses have all been detached and it’s silent, you could maybe hear their car pull up on the driveway if you had your window open.

Awful. Very very stressful constantly hearing neighbours daily noise. You need to move house. Somewhere where the houses are further apart. Is it a new build you live in?

I am also at home alot more so my husband thinks that I am hearing it all because I like to read and sit in my garden and not have TV or music because it annoys me.I like bird song , nature sounds etc .

Gently op, it sounds like you’re sensitive to noise. You can’t live in a street and expect the Level of silence /nature sounds that you want. You either need to move to a house in the countryside without any neighbours or wear earplugs whenever you want silence (including when you’re sitting outside). There are plenty of earplugs available which filter out differing amounts of noise. Have a look at Loops. btw I read you only use 1 earplug. Earplugs don’t work if you only use 1, you have 2 ears.

Are you using the word detached wrongly and you actually mean semi-detached?
I find it really bizarre that you live in a detached house (ie. no party wall) and yet you can hear them running up and down stairs and shouting in the bathroom and that they wake you up with the noise.
You need to get ear plugs and/or a white noise machine if you're that easily woken.

I know you said you had spoken to them 2 years ago but why not try speaking to them again. They maybe just aren't aware how much noise they are making coming home late and leaving early. Maybe they think because the houses are detached you can't hear them. Go and have a word with them about it.

It sets up a reactive cycle, that's certainly true. I now feel irritated at the first peep and dread what's coming.

I do like my neighbours and their kids. They are actually just living their life and happen to be loud whilst I'm pretty unwell most the time and stuck in.

It's the problem with the property in my case. No insulation in any form.

Sorry if this has already been said, haven't RTFT but you can get acoustic panels that will absorb some noise in your house. Also invest in some ear plugs. I would also have a word about the noise, especially late night/early morning noises as these are antisocial. I am sure they would be mortified if they thought you could hear them saying they need a poo, maybe it will motivate them to lower their voices a bit.
Unfortunately unless you can afford a house in the middle of nowhere we have to accept some level of noise from people around us, but it's reasonable to ask them to keep it down a bit and be more considerate, especially late night/early mornings.
We live in a terraced house and although we can sometimes hear the neighbours through the walls (and they are not a quiet family) it doesn't usually disturb us to the extent that you're being disturbed. Their conversations outside at 1am are more of a problem however 😐

So you have another bedroom that you can sleep in without disturbance?

Is there a reason why you can’t make this your bedroom?

I have very quiet neighbours, but am aware the man to one side of me is very elderly. I've already started worrying about who the new neighbours might be and their noise levels!

Speak to the council and explain how the noise is making you feel like you can't even be in your own home. It's causing severe mental distress, and they need to understand the impact it's having on your wellbeing. They should be able to send out a noise diary so you can start logging the disturbances officially.
I was told that in many cases, a simple letter to the neighbours resolves the issue (it did in my case), but if that doesn't work, they can look into installing noise recording equipment to gather more evidence.
You may need to follow up a few times to make sure it's being taken seriously - I had to chase my complaint a couple of times before any real action was taken. The main thing is just to get the process started. It might take a bit of time, but at least it’ll be officially logged.
Just be aware that if you ever decide to sell your property, any ongoing dispute has to be declared. I thought long and hard about that, but in the end, I decided that my sanity and peace of mind were more important. If it ever came up, I would simply say that it was due to renovations and that everything has since been resolved... which is true.

People tend to behave awfully so often and actually make a sport out of arguments and conflict.
If you get a neighbour like that, you're in for an awful time.

I live in housing association and the risk of feral people is high. And I don't care I'm generalising at all.

I’m always surprised with threads about problems with neighbours that people silently seethe and consider everything (ear plugs, sleeping tablets etc) rather than talking to their neighbours.

Your posts suggest two issues:

• You’re being disturbed at unsociable times, i.e. 5-6am. That’s outside the standard sociable hours of 11pm to 7am. So it’s reasonable of you to make your neighbours aware and ask them if they could minimise the noise from 11pm to 7am.

• There’s also noise between 7am and 11pm, which sounds like the noise of a busy and stressful family home, which you hear because (i) you’re at home most of the time and (ii) it’s very quiet in your home, partly because only you and your DP live there.

I suggest you make your neighbours aware of the noise at anti-social times in a polite and conciliatory way. I also suggest you make them aware of the noise at other times but acknowledge you understand they live in a busy family home and yours is quite.

If they’re reasonable and considerate people they’ll be more aware you can hear them and minimise the noise, especially between 11pm and 7am. Hopefully, that’ll solve it. I hope it improves.

Try to separate the unreasonable noise (6:30am DIY, slamming car doors and shouting late at night) from the normal family noise - conversations going on in their house and garden, kids running up and down stairs. Psychologically that will help.

I’ve said it already but you live on a main road with lorries and cars going past and that doesn’t bother you. Many people wouldn’t even consider living on a main road as the constant traffic would send them up the wall, so clearly this is an issue about how you process noise and the feelings that go with it. Maybe you feel the neighbour noise is directed at you but the traffic is just general hubbub?

sometimes reframing your thinking can help a lot.

several posters have suggested approaching the council but you really need to think this through carefully because if you do ever want to sell, you’ll need to disclose complaints. I would make that a last resort.

I also think if you’re finding it so difficult in a detached house there’s little point in moving because you could easily end up with similar issues.

God - I have this too. It almost feels intentional - the loud music followed by door slamming.

I have 3 kids with SEN (they can get boisterous) and 2 pets who bomb up and down the stairs like elephants and live in a terrace. I have even checked with neighbors as I KNOW we are a very loud household out of 6 neighbors only 1 ever had a problem and claimed they could hear us but he was a nasty pick who thought he run the street and started fights with several people (and it was before children and pets). The others including 2 living in the same house he lived in claim they hear little to nothing and we are fine.

I'm confused how you hear them in a detached... I understand if they are shouting in the garden at 5am maybe but how on earth could you hear them going up the stairs or in the bathroom?

@EdithBond she's spoken to them in the past.

I spoke to my own neighbours kindly but clearly about 4 weeks ago.

People are so self serving, their own needs often trump and they won't give a shit.

You then risk the problem of ongoing neighbors conflict. It takes handling, hence people posting here saying help!!

I think the solution to the problem is both houses closing the windows 🤷‍♀️ can’t think how else anyone could hear people going upstairs in a detached house. If both houses have open windows they can hear you too, OP.

But, they’re entitled to air their own house…

I’m in a new build and can’t hear my neighbours at all. It is silent.

I think I'd be more worried my house was going to fall down tbh with walls that thin

A child running up the stairs can physically only make so much noise, as can slamming a door, or a gate. I don't believe a child can run up the stairs so loudly you can hear it through 2 external walls, to the point it keeps you awake, even if they threw their entire body weight on each step. Or that they are able to project their voice so loudly and clearly you can hear who needs to put on deodorant through again 2 external walls and some outside

I think some of this is to with updated furnishings. People now often have hard floors/blinds etc which don’t absorb noise in the same way as soft furnishings like carpets or curtains would.

I had an upstairs neighbour who thought it was ok to play drums and have band practice in Covid. How he thought that was ok was beyond me. And it was hell because we were all stuck in. Luckily all the neighbours in our block of 6 could hear and they all complained.

I was so glad when his gf said she was kicking him out a few weeks later!!!

you're being ridiculously noise sensitive and need to address how much you're focusing in on the noise they're making.

I live in a Terrace, behind a primary school used as the local holiday club and football ground, which is right by the village hall, and the village green.. on a main road through the area... and trust me, its NOISY all day, every day, and most evenings, i even have the local fairground set up camp under my bedroom window once a year but i have got used to it and just tune it out now.

New noise can be annoying, but we have to live with it and you have to learn to ignore it.

I'm in a new build and I don't hear anything unless the windows or doors are open. I opened the patio door last week and heard the neighbours had music on and were in the garden with guests chatting and laughing loudly. I hadn't heard a peep of it from inside.