Page 3 | I don’t like shy children

Whatsuppppp · 2025-04-18T22:21:25+00:00

Dd said this today. She’s very outgoing, fun, friendly, kind etc She said it’s because they don’t smile at her or want to play when she asks them and it makes her sad that they might not like her as their face and the way they act looks like that. My Dd wasn’t trying to be unkind and I sort of see her point. It touched a nerve though as I was very shy when younger and am so pleased she’s the complete opposite as I think it will make things easier in life for her. I’ve always had friends but do sometimes find things hard socially, it did make me see things from her point of view and from more extroverted personalities…I hate the thought of people thinking I’m unfriendly and don’t like them, but I suppose some must have. I was always just thinking of it from my point of view Sad how being shy made things so much harder

SharpOpalNewt · 19/04/2025 08:00

I prefer quiet people to overly loud, garrulous people. There was one of those on a course I was on a few years ago and she was exhausting. Fortunately after a while the tutor would tell her politely to STFU for a bit and let others speak. And I did have some sympathy as she said actually her insecurity made her loud, and to her credit she was quieter when told to be.

PmDDdrive · 19/04/2025 08:00

Jacarandill · 19/04/2025 07:19

Er, don’t you think we really need to know the age of the child before you resort to name calling?

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No i think the truth needs to be told no excuses for bullying of any kind

PmDDdrive · 19/04/2025 08:03

Dhxusksgxuks · 19/04/2025 06:27

Don’t be so cruel and hysterical. OP’s child is not an entitled little brat or a bully or a gossip monger for expressing an honest opinion to her mother. You don’t even know how old she is - she could be four or five, but even if she’s older she’s still learning how to be a human. She also didn’t say ‘hate’, that was your silly exaggeration.

You are such a hypocrite for complaining about this kid being a ‘bully’ when you’re saying a CHILD is an entitled little brat because she was open and honest with her mother.

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the op quoted on the post" i dont like shy children" i am expressing an honest opinion but you seem to be buthurt now?

Middleagedstriker · 19/04/2025 08:03

PmDDdrive · 19/04/2025 08:00

No i think the truth needs to be told no excuses for bullying of any kind

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Actually you sound like a bully so check yourself.

Fizbosshoes · 19/04/2025 08:03

I am pretty shy, quiet and passive.
I often find loud, "leader" type children and adults, annoying.
however recently I've wondered whether it's actually that I'm a bit jealous of their self confidence.

WhatNoRaisins · 19/04/2025 08:05

There wasn't anything in the OPs post that suggested her child was a bully.

PmDDdrive · 19/04/2025 08:05

Middleagedstriker · 19/04/2025 08:03

Actually you sound like a bully so check yourself.

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cause i have an honest opinion? funny how certain people can be honest but your lips start flapping when others do it, hating someone because there shy? i bet your english..

ObelixtheGaul · 19/04/2025 08:07

rickyrickygrimes · 19/04/2025 07:13

@Whatsuppppp

did you tell your daughter that you were shy when you were younger? she might develop some empathy for people who are different to her, if she heard about your experiences.

how would your younger self have felt to know that the ‘outgoing, fun, friendly, kind etc’ children in your class actively disliked you for a personality trait or (as a pp says) a hidden disability that you don’t have much control over? Shy people can learn to be more forthcoming as they grow up, but they may well always be shy.

I’m surprised at how many people on this thread are saying ‘shy people make me uncomfortable, so it’s okay to dislike them’.

It's interesting, though, how it's acceptable to do the opposite. There's quite a few people being frankly awful about this little girl. If we reversed this, and the post was about a quiet, shy child who said 'I don't like loud/chatty people' I doubt very much we'd be seeing all the posts about how unkind the shy child is.

In fact, any time we do get a post from someone discussing their colleagues who talk, it's always pretty much how awful and vacuous extroverts are, how insensitive, how they think the world is about them.

I was a talkative child because I was very nervous. It was like a sort of panic-gabble. I was told off for it constantly, made to feel ashamed, etc. I wasn't an extrovert, just a nervous chatterer, but if it had been extroversion, it wouldn't have helped. When I was growing up, it wasn't an extrovert's world for little girls at all. All I heard was sit down, shush, stop talking. Quiet girls were 'good'. I wasn't deliberately being naughty. I didn't mean to annoy people.

The stupid thing was, I could spend hours at home obsessively reading on my own, and actually preferred my own space.

But in all these conversations, I am always reminded of how quiet girls were 'good girls' all those years ago, and can't help feeling a little sad that we still seem to want to shut girls up.

PmDDdrive · 19/04/2025 08:08

WhatNoRaisins · 19/04/2025 08:05

There wasn't anything in the OPs post that suggested her child was a bully.

she will be a bully if she is not taught that people can be shy for different reasons,

buffyajp · 19/04/2025 08:10

SordidSplendour · 19/04/2025 03:39

Your daughter isn't unkind she just says it as she sees it!
I'm much more like her and always (and still do) felt a judgemental feel from shy people, because I'm willing to yap and chat to anyone it can feel an insult when they don't feel the same.
Also quieter people often say the most intriguing, funny, witty things when they do talk! It can be intimidating believe it or not!

I can't stomach procousous children either so maybe I'm the issue

Ahh the old just say it as I see it excuse. I hate that being trotted out as an excuse. I was shy and still am to a degree and won’t apologise for it. It IS unkind to be judgemental like that. I’m not there to change my personality to suit extroverts.

WhatNoRaisins · 19/04/2025 08:12

PmDDdrive · 19/04/2025 08:08

she will be a bully if she is not taught that people can be shy for different reasons,

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All she has to do to not be a bully is not be cruel to them.

MargaretThursday · 19/04/2025 08:16

Do you use the comment "oh she's just shy" when a child doesn't want to play to excuse them? Maybe to try and say to your child not to be upset.

Because at an age when a child says, without knowing it's not really acceptable, "I don't like x-types of children" is not an age I think my DC would have categorised children into shy/not shy.

If it is, maybe you are trying to protect her feelings by saying it's the other child being shy, but she hasn't really got the right meaning. To her it's just a child who doesn't want to play.

DancefloorAcrobatics · 19/04/2025 08:18

She said it’s because they don’t smile at her or want to play when she asks them and it makes her sad that they might not like her as their face and the way they act looks like that

Teach your daughter that she can’t tell other children that they should smile at her, play with her or talk to her if she wants to.

Friendship and interaction is a two way street. We sometimes simply don't like certain characteristics in people, including demanding & bossy. The sooner she understands this, the less disappointing life will be and the. Rejection by others (and that's what your daughter is referring to) is a hard pill to swallow.

Dhxusksgxuks · 19/04/2025 08:22

PmDDdrive · 19/04/2025 08:03

the op quoted on the post" i dont like shy children" i am expressing an honest opinion but you seem to be buthurt now?

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Exactly. So why are you deliberately escalating to ‘hate’?

Sad, weird behaviour. This post is obviously hugely triggering for you but to use that as an excuse to be horrible about a kid is wild.

doodahdayy · 19/04/2025 08:24

Maybe these children don’t want to play?

ItsUpToYou · 19/04/2025 08:24

kittensinthekitchen · 19/04/2025 04:11

You don't like children who like couscous? That's.... niche

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This made me actually LOL!

AffIt · 19/04/2025 08:25

@SordidSplendour 'procouscous' is one of the best typos I've ever seen.

I will be using it in place of precocious now. 😄

SordidSplendour · 19/04/2025 08:26

buffyajp · 19/04/2025 08:10

Ahh the old just say it as I see it excuse. I hate that being trotted out as an excuse. I was shy and still am to a degree and won’t apologise for it. It IS unkind to be judgemental like that. I’m not there to change my personality to suit extroverts.

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Ffs she's a little girl 🤣✋

ItsUpToYou · 19/04/2025 08:26

Temporaryname158 · 19/04/2025 03:33

Your daughter isn’t as kind as you think if she thinks other kids are there to make her happy and she judges them negatively if they don’t act in a way that she prefers.

she needs to understand that a child can feel/behave any way they want and is doesn’t mean they don’t like her. How old is your daughter as if any older than 5 she should be aware some children are shy, some out going but it’s no reflection on her.

Don’t be so ridiculous. She’s a child and obviously lacks the vocabulary and understanding to express what she’s actually feeling. I think it’s more likely that she doesn’t know how to respond or behave around shy children than that she “doesn’t like them”. But when vocabulary is limited, so are thoughts and feelings. She’ll understand this more as she gets older.

ShockedandStunnedRepeatedly · 19/04/2025 08:27

Just say for now: don’t judge a book by its cover. Lots of friendly people are nasty and use their charm to use or manipulate, and vice versa. Anyone can be anything. You need to take time to uncover before you trust anyone really.

EmeraldShamrock000 · 19/04/2025 08:28

I'm glad your DD is confident. As with adults some are very forward whereas others prefer to be cautious.

Gowlett · 19/04/2025 08:29

My child is extremely outgoing & will approach any other adult or child, and expect a response. Not everybody loves it…

CrispieCake · 19/04/2025 08:34

OP, I wouldn't worry too much about this. As your DS gets older, she will get better at a) finding her people, and b) learning to interact with others in a way that suits them both. What she needs to learn in the meantime is to be kind and respectful towards others and to respect their boundaries. And others need to learn that in their behaviour towards her as well.

My older one is not shy in the least and has developed a kind of radar for zeroing in at the playground on those children who actually want to play with him and run around with him, while disregarding those who don't want to play. It's a very useful skill to have, to be able quickly to work out who sees the world in the same way that you do and befriend them. But equally I've done a few favours in terms of playdates and childcare lately for parents of children he doesn't gel particularly well with, and actually it has been useful for him to take a step back and think about others' viewpoints and try to find things that the other child might like that aren't things he'd usually do.

Testingmypatience1 · 19/04/2025 08:41

Intriguing thread.

Introverts can be hard work. I live with two, and they can often be quite absorbed by their discomfort or otherwise rather than considering everyone’s needs.

As an extrovert I find it easier to be with people that are easy to talk to, and actively enjoy the company of others. I can sometimes sense the judgement of shy people, and perhaps even their displeasure if they are not enjoying themselves.

I wonder if your dd feels this op?

CrispieCake · 19/04/2025 08:44

ObelixtheGaul · 19/04/2025 08:07

It's interesting, though, how it's acceptable to do the opposite. There's quite a few people being frankly awful about this little girl. If we reversed this, and the post was about a quiet, shy child who said 'I don't like loud/chatty people' I doubt very much we'd be seeing all the posts about how unkind the shy child is.

In fact, any time we do get a post from someone discussing their colleagues who talk, it's always pretty much how awful and vacuous extroverts are, how insensitive, how they think the world is about them.

I was a talkative child because I was very nervous. It was like a sort of panic-gabble. I was told off for it constantly, made to feel ashamed, etc. I wasn't an extrovert, just a nervous chatterer, but if it had been extroversion, it wouldn't have helped. When I was growing up, it wasn't an extrovert's world for little girls at all. All I heard was sit down, shush, stop talking. Quiet girls were 'good'. I wasn't deliberately being naughty. I didn't mean to annoy people.

The stupid thing was, I could spend hours at home obsessively reading on my own, and actually preferred my own space.

But in all these conversations, I am always reminded of how quiet girls were 'good girls' all those years ago, and can't help feeling a little sad that we still seem to want to shut girls up.

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Not saying you have it or this is the case for all extrovert girls, but girls talking constantly or misreading other social cues can be an ADHD symptom.