Page 40 | 14 year old not invited to stepsister’s wedding

Ombreofmyself · 2025-04-18T14:03:01+00:00

Stepdaughter is getting married. My husband is paying for everything but dress and flowers. Our six year old and nine year old are in the wedding, but that’s another story. They are half sisters to the bride. My 14 year old, step sister to the bride isn’t invited. Made husband clarify with her. Stepdaughter confirmed so I am not going. Husband is upset but seems completely incapable of thinking rationally and insisting on her coming but then says why can’t she go to her Dad’s. He should insist as he is paying.

Watermill · 19/04/2025 10:00

belgiumchocolates · 19/04/2025 09:46

No row necessary. DH tells DD calmly and firmly that his family including you and DSD will be accompanying him to the wedding

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Absolutely this.

@Ombreofmyself what do you think SD would say if DH said “don’t be a cow Sharon, if you want me to pay for this wedding, I am bringing my household with me and that includes X”

Why is he so scared of her? He clearly isn’t scared of upsetting you. He sounds awful. Really really awful.

Is there anything about your eldest that sets her apart? I knew someone who excluded a DSD because she had Down’s syndrome. Yes. Really. Didn’t even want photos of her up on the wall. Is your DD very beautiful? I just cannot fathom why DSD is doing this.

Unless it’s directed towards you and you are the problem. How old are you? Is there a significant age gap? I feel like there’s a missing piece of the jigsaw here…

CopperWhite · 19/04/2025 10:00

All the people suggesting that OP doesn’t let the younger ones go have the nasty, spiteful attitudes they are accusing the bride of.

people complain that step mums get a bad deal on here, but this thread clearly shows that it’s step children at the bottom of the pile. Not allowed to have their own feelings about the step families their parents force on them and called cruel and rude when they don’t automatically embrace a parent new partners children as their own sibling.

Usernamexyz1 · 19/04/2025 10:00

Oh, one last Q: has your 14 yo ever bought your SDD a birthday present in those 10 years?

Testingmypatience1 · 19/04/2025 10:00

It would be the end of my marriage too. I would not want to have any part in a family that ever thought this was okay.

I also couldn’t be with a man that didn’t have the balls to calmly do the right thing with his own Bridezilla of a daughter. How can you even bear to look at him?

He is NOT in an impossible position at all, he can easily sit down and calmly talk this through with his dd, he chooses not to, because he doesn’t see your dd as worth the effort and the bother. Shame on him. Shame on you for putting up with such a lame excuse for a man.

Usernamexyz1 · 19/04/2025 10:02

Especially if most pp will be in cars anyway. 14 yo could also join those in cars!

CopperWhite · 19/04/2025 10:04

He is NOT in an impossible position at all, he can easily sit down and calmly talk this through, he chooses not to, because he doesn’t see your dd as worth the effort and the bother.

Or, he recognises that he can’t force his choices on his adult daughter without hurting her and their relationship, so is putting his own child’s feelings first.

Testingmypatience1 · 19/04/2025 10:04

I don’t envy you op. What happens with the births of babies, christenings, family parties and all the rest. What an awful precedent this will set for the next 20 years.

I hope you have booked some counselling for dd, this kind of stuff can cause irreparable damage to a child.

TwoSwannits · 19/04/2025 10:05

So if her eldest little half sister is 9 now, then your 14 yo DD has been in this young woman's life since she was probably only 3 or 4 years old at most? I am going to assume you didn't meet your husband and get immediately PG with him. So ff this is the case, then your stepdaughter is being really, really unkind and selfish. She may not be family in the technical sense, but how can you basically reject a stepsister she's known since she was only 4 while doting on two little half sisters who are all part of the same household? That's horrible behaviour. If I were your DH I'd be telling her she's an unkind and selfish person and the younger two will not be bridesmaids or attending the wedding either. It's just an unnecessarily cruel thing to do, playing divide and conquer like that and it could have long term repercussions on the mental wellbeing of your oldest DD. Plus it puts everyone in such an awkward position.

If she's 29 now then she was already a young adult when these children all came into her life, so while I am sure she has some resentments around that, it's really churlish to take it out on your older DD but completely accept the other two.

It's not like your poor DD has become a very recent addition to this young woman's family, it's been most of her life and she knows no different. Your stepdaughter is a cow.

Testingmypatience1 · 19/04/2025 10:06

CopperWhite · 19/04/2025 10:04

He is NOT in an impossible position at all, he can easily sit down and calmly talk this through, he chooses not to, because he doesn’t see your dd as worth the effort and the bother.

Or, he recognises that he can’t force his choices on his adult daughter without hurting her and their relationship, so is putting his own child’s feelings first.

He is paying for the wedding, he can most definitely say her decisions are hurtful and cruel - and he can’t support her decision. That is not forcing. It is making it clear he can not tolerate such behaviour in his family because of the damage and harm it will cause.

TwoSwannits · 19/04/2025 10:08

CopperWhite · 19/04/2025 10:00

All the people suggesting that OP doesn’t let the younger ones go have the nasty, spiteful attitudes they are accusing the bride of.

people complain that step mums get a bad deal on here, but this thread clearly shows that it’s step children at the bottom of the pile. Not allowed to have their own feelings about the step families their parents force on them and called cruel and rude when they don’t automatically embrace a parent new partners children as their own sibling.

Absolutely not true. It's protecting the older child and showing solidarity with her. You can exclude an adult step sibling you don't get along with, or any adult for any reason at all, but to do this to a 14 yo who has been part of your family since she was little more than a toddler and is still a child now, under this exact circumstances is just unforgivable.

Blondeshavemorefun · 19/04/2025 10:08

Wow. Your step daughter is a horrible lady

your daughter would have been a baby/ toddler when you met your dh if eldest joint is now 9

your Dh needs to grow some balls and tell his daughter that his sd, your eldest is coming.

CopperWhite · 19/04/2025 10:08

He clearly already caused damage and harm when he created a set family, or the bride wouldn’t be doing this in the first place. She’s got beef for a reason.

Original poster

Ombreofmyself · 19/04/2025 10:10

When told I wouldn’t go without my eldest she asked why she couldn’t go to her father’s.

She doesn’t see my eldest as family. If he raised this again. She would say he needs to focus on her, and to stop derailing the run up to her wedding. He would not do anything to jeopardise his relationship with her and in many ways I understand this but my daughter is going to be devastated.

I don’t see how her presence would jeopardise her day.

OP posts:

Testingmypatience1 · 19/04/2025 10:12

CopperWhite · 19/04/2025 10:08

He clearly already caused damage and harm when he created a set family, or the bride wouldn’t be doing this in the first place. She’s got beef for a reason.

You don’t know that at all. Beef for a reason? I think you are projecting.

Dh needs to step up, and be the adult and parent here. No we don’t tolerate bullying and exclusion dd, so please can you reconsider. It’s not hard.

Original poster

Ombreofmyself · 19/04/2025 10:14

She would completely write him off if he was seen from her perspective, to be putting my daughter before her. He isn’t willing to risk this.

OP posts:

SleepyHollowed84 · 19/04/2025 10:14

Does your SDD not realise that by ‘not seeing your DD as family’ that the same logic could be applied to her?

I wouldn’t be extending any warmth towards her from now on. She’s deliberately making choices which are fracturing your family unit and it is wholly unfair. Very vindictive to exclude DD when she’s been in her life for 10 years.

CopperWhite · 19/04/2025 10:14

She will only be devastated if she’s been led to believe that she should expect more than she should from a step sibling. It’s sad, but not the brides fault.

CopperWhite · 19/04/2025 10:15

Ombreofmyself · 19/04/2025 10:14

She would completely write him off if he was seen from her perspective, to be putting my daughter before her. He isn’t willing to risk this.

Good for him!

Testingmypatience1 · 19/04/2025 10:15

Ombreofmyself · 19/04/2025 10:10

When told I wouldn’t go without my eldest she asked why she couldn’t go to her father’s.

She doesn’t see my eldest as family. If he raised this again. She would say he needs to focus on her, and to stop derailing the run up to her wedding. He would not do anything to jeopardise his relationship with her and in many ways I understand this but my daughter is going to be devastated.

I don’t see how her presence would jeopardise her day.

SD sounds absolutely awful. The focus needs to be on not hurting others! Your dd is a child, and does not deserve this treatment op.

Your sd has been allowed to get away with this nasty behaviour for too long, because your dh is weak, and now the chickens are coming home to roost.

I would never speak to her again. My dc would be kept away from her too. Such malignant and dysfunctional behaviour. This would be the last thing she does within my family, and she would not be welcome back.

Volpini · 19/04/2025 10:15

Updated - wrong thread!

Watermill · 19/04/2025 10:15

Ombreofmyself · 19/04/2025 10:10

When told I wouldn’t go without my eldest she asked why she couldn’t go to her father’s.

She doesn’t see my eldest as family. If he raised this again. She would say he needs to focus on her, and to stop derailing the run up to her wedding. He would not do anything to jeopardise his relationship with her and in many ways I understand this but my daughter is going to be devastated.

I don’t see how her presence would jeopardise her day.

But he will happily jeopardise his relationship with you.

Why is he so scared of having a disagreement with her? Do you think she’s so against her step sister that she would jeopardise her entire wedding just to avoid having her there?

DH holds all the cards here. Not DSD. I couldn’t even bear to look at him again after this. The apple didn’t fall far from the tree did it?

CantStopMoving · 19/04/2025 10:16

The fact is the is the bride is going to look bad on her own wedding day. People are going to ask where is the OP? And the answer will be the bride didn’t want her daughter there so she has taken her away for the weekend. That certainly would raise eyebrows and I’m sure people would think it very strange that she wouldn’t invite her step sister. The fact everyone has an opinion on it on this thread, can you imagine the opinions at the wedding itself?!

SleepyHollowed84 · 19/04/2025 10:17

Volpini · 19/04/2025 10:15

Updated - wrong thread!

Edited

Wrong thread.

Testingmypatience1 · 19/04/2025 10:18

The whole wedding day WILL be overshadowed by this now. Everyone will find out, and they will come to their own conclusions.

What a truly stupid decision.

Smokesandeats · 19/04/2025 10:18

I’m going to say that if this is typical of your SD’s behaviour (nasty, immature, selfish and spiteful). There’s a fair chance that this marriage won’t last long!