My first wedding AIBU!

[narcASD]

I know the rules, it’s an invite not a summons etc etc but….
my sister’s son is getting married next year and he and his fiancé have said no kids.
my kids will be 13 & 10 when they get married and are lovely, well behaved girls.

I am very close to my sister and her children, her girls were bridesmaids and her son a page boy at my wedding, I’ve got a good relationship with my nephew.

It is not about finances, my sisters son is a very high earner as is his fiancé so it’s not because they are on a budget, I’ve also offered to pay for my girls if money was an obstacle.

I had a no kid rule apart from immediate family at my wedding, so I do get it, I’m just really hurt that my girls and my niece who will be 14 are not invited. They are kids but not ones to be running around screaming and crying (which is the reason my nephew wants no kids, but more so his wife to be).

my brother is also really upset and said he will not go if his daughter is not invited. AIBU not go myself and upset my sister?

Also, whatever people on here like to pretend, having a toddler at a ceremony and formal sit down 3 course fancy meal with speeches is NOT fun 😅 it’s just not an appropriate environment for them - I took my then 18mo to a wedding and she was well behaved but it just wasn’t at all enjoyable as we were just chasing her around, taking turns to take her out during dinner as she was restless etc.

Agree, @RunningJo

Why would anyone want to push their child in where they clearly are not wanted or welcome??

Obviously a huge family of cousins you very rarely see is a different situation.
I also perfectly understand the whole toddler thing too, even though there were some at my own.

🙄🙄🙄

This is what I call “spiteful anticipatory schadenfreude.” The sinister innuendo that people will somehow end up paying for perfectly ordinary choices an op or pp disagrees with.

How childish.

I have a nephew getting married soon, first cousins are not invited. The groom is around the same age as some of his first cousins, others are several years younger. The bride and groom do not want a huge wedding, the venue holds 120 and they don’t want a bigger guest list than 120. They are inviting their own nieces and nephews. So it’s parents, siblings, siblings partner’s and siblings children. They are extending invitations to Aunts and Uncles and of course, their friends.

If they were to extend an invitation to first cousins, there would be 16 first cousins on the nephew’s side alone, then there is the dilemma of should the partner’s of the older first cousins be invited. So it could end being over 40 first cousins between both the bride and groom, some of whom they barely know.

Ridiculous.

Doubt they be going around asking first cousins to babysit or help with homework.

Grandparents / parents / siblings / nieces and nephews / first cousins. First cousins are a bit down the pecking order to be invited to everything. What next - aunt and uncle getting in a knot because first cousins are not invited to the christening of a first cousin’s child.

and childfree adult events teaches them that there is a time and a place for children to be present, and, despite what they and their parents might think, the world does not revolve around them. That’s also a good lesson. Especially for kids today.

Agree, I think it’s stupid leaving kids out, my kids weren’t invited to my sister’s wedding and they were older than this. I didn't think it was right, the wedding was OK but I thought it was a shame my kids and their other cousins weren’t there.

@OhWhistle

"a joining and mingling of clan and tribe" 😱

Nope, nopety, nope!!!

but your sister had the best day?

It isn't? I'm just saying one can't cherrrypick community life

Nah it's teaching them that inconvenient human beings can be excluded

Oh, wait

Maybe that is how the world runs 'successfully'

People need family throughout their lives

Maybe everyone's bio family is so toxic they need to have only 'chosen family'

You never know who will turn up asking or who you will need to turn to

I can't reimagine my childhood without funerals and weddings; what would I have been doing instead? Parked in front of an iPad or colouring book with a sense that life was happening elsewhere?

Also it's a great way to raise non-fussy eaters...green olives from some kind of communal table are one of the first foods I remember really enjoying

It's amusing how the people on wedding invite threads who are most sneery about silos and bunkers and being individualistic and not valuing family are the same ones who never seem to have anyone they can ask to look after their children!

Now that seems a narrow, impoverished existence to me, to not be embedded in a wide circle of friends, chosen family, community, who already have strong relationships with your children, and any of whom will happily wave you off for a day or few, while they and your kids look after things at home or have adventures of their own.

^^ you just made all this up

There’s a huge age gap between them, I doubt they’re a beloved cousin. I’m the youngest of all my cousins, some of them were closer to my mums age than mine, I’m not close with them. People have to draw the line somewhere and child cousins seems like a perfect line to me.

OP it doesn’t matter how wonderful you think your girls are, they’re not invited. Either go and have a fun child free night or don’t go. Don’t be so offended, people aren’t as interested in your kids as you are

I just hope the other wedding on the other side of the world also excludes children too…

I respect you didn’t find it fun with your toddler.

But I disagree that people are pretending it’s fun. I never pretended to enjoy being with my kids as toddlers, and every age, at all sorts of occasions. I absolutely loved it. And so did our wider family and friends. They sat on our laps during ceremonies and speeches, when we whispered to them to keep quiet, as someone was talking. The same as we did at school assemblies etc. They sat on our laps during meals. The same as meals out as a family or with friends. Or if we were sitting on a bus, train or plane. We had things (like books or little toys) to keep them entertained while sitting with us. When they were tired, they fell asleep and they slept in the pushchair.

I love hanging with my kids now they’re older, but little kids are just so adorable to be with.

So much drama about something that is perfectly ok 🙄🙄

It is not about finances, my sisters son is a very high earner as is his fiancé so it’s not because they are on a budget

I find this attitude quite entitled. They will have chosen the size of wedding they would like and what their budget is. You could do a big wedding for 200 people on a small budget or a very expensive wedding with a large budget for a 30 people. It’s their day. Just because you’re very wealthy doesn’t mean you’re not “on a budget”.

I would just decline invite. I wouldn’t travel 80 miles and leave my children at home alone even teenagers, not all day and night.
Hard and expensive to hire babysitters.
But I don’t have fun at weddings they are boring and lots and lots of hanging about.
If was nearer and could just go for ceremony then leave.

I wasn’t invited to my uncle’s wedding when I was 15. He’s a shy man and had a small party. My mum was outraged on my behalf and threw a big strop about it but I honestly didn’t care.

I’m personally very pro children at weddings, and very pro children and pro family generally but other people have different personalities and different preferences and it’s really not worth getting upset about.

Do these cousins even live anywhere near this bride and groom? If not, I don’t think they’re likely to be babysitting in the future!

I dont see whats fair in not inviting a well behaved 14yo because there are noisy 3yolds and 6yolds.

Are cousins immediate family? I've not been invited to all my cousins weddings, just the ones I'm close to. Considering they are 10 ish and their cousin is getting married they probably aren't that close. Also if they have to invite your kids they have to invite all aunts and uncles kids which adds to the guest list which they may not be in a position to do.