DH has given me the ick

[Somethingabimbowouldsay]

My sister’s friend was kicked out of her home by her partner after she admitted she’d been unfaithful. Without anywhere else to go, my sister invited her to stay with her family - DP and her two DC.

We visited them a last week and met her colleague for the first time. On the journey back DH said something along the lines of, ‘she (my sister) is asking for trouble. She (her friend) looks much younger, is prettier and licentious (polite way of calling her a slag, I guess). My sister’s DP is a very decent man but I know things have been strained between them.

I am abit put out by his comments on her looks and behaviour but part of me wonders how realistic he is being.

No he is being realistic. Men and women together in close environments can have unexpected consequences

Because it shows what he thinks and how his mind works and realistic or not, It’s kinda gross.

No he hasn't.

And this women is literally a cheating bitch....
So, as of right now the female sex is worse than the male....
Shocking.

Sounds to me like he’s spotted something that you, and probably your sister, as women have not. I’d be grateful for the heads up and warn your sister to keep her wits about her.

And? We would all find offers from attractive people hard to resist, but we resist (if offered, of course). No need to put temptation on a plate.

What a thing to imagine!
Who would ever do that eh? Its so unrealistic

I've never in my life heard something so preposterous.

Can you imagine?! A MAN leaving his WIFE?!

What an utter work of fiction. I'm so glad I envwr see such things on Mumsnet..

no, it shows what he thinks of the sister's partner. not the same.

I think your sister should be very careful. My late SIL helped a friend whose engagement broke off move into a house next door to her and her DH. Less than a year later she came home from a business trip to find they were gone, they had been having an affair right under her nose.

Yes his mind works normally. It isn’t gross. I would have thought and said the same.
What it really shows is how OPs (and yours?) mind works revealing her insecurities.

99% of MN think all men are cheats
Does that mean they are all cheats too?

He's got a point. Inviting a young attractive women into a house where the marriage has had problems? What could possibly go wrong?

Yeah your husband is right and just being honest. I’ve never seen an outsider go into a family and there not be repercussions. Either exchange student, friend who is “always over” , nanny who becomes enmeshed, friend who needs support. Families have a set dynamic and this shouldn’t be messed with.

I don't know. I don't think all men are cheats.

It all depends on what the DH is like as a person. He could be an imaginative, observant sort of guy, in which case his remark was just an objective comment on the situation, much like the ones here. Or he could be a more self-centred type, one of those people who struggle to imagine how anyone could act differently from how they themselves would act in any situation. Which makes what he said a bit sus.

OP wants him to be the former, but is subconsciously worried he's the latter.

It might be statistically true, it might have crossed his mind, but he doesn’t need to say it. Some things are inside thoughts.

Why not? Some couples talk openly to each other. If my brother moved a very hot, handsome man into his house, I'd probably to comment to DH that my brother better watch out as if his wife might fancy the lodger! I think it would be a fairly normal thing to say.

Bloody hell. Judging your BIL by his own standards?

Why is that an inside thought? Would you have thought it was an inside thought if a woman had said it?

There's plenty of users out there. Plenty of women who do go from one man to another and won't leave a relationship, however awful, until they have the next one lined up. He's not "a random man". He's a man with a home. A home she's already living in, because he has some degree of kindness and took her in. She's homeless. For some, that's enough of a reason to make a play for someone.

Especially if his relationship is already rocky. And she's younger, prettier, thinner (and right now, because they've only just met and haven't had a chance to find things they hate about each other, less complicated) than the wife he's having marital problems with. All things meaning there's a greater chance he'd be receptive to the idea of a relationship with her and she wouldn't be putting the temporary home at risk.

This woman is just a colleague, not even a close friend of the sister. No real relationship to lose by sleeping with her husband. No real loyalty towards her. Not that that necessarily would have made any difference. She's already proved she's willing to betray someone she should have had loyalty to - her previous partner who she cheated on.

Things with her affair partner aren't going to go anywhere otherwise she'd be living with him right now.

She's a dangerous person for the sister to have invited into her home. It's self-destructive. The sister herself is, by default, sending the subconscious message to her husband that this woman's self-inflicted homelessness problem is more important than the state of their marriage and prioritizing working to fix it.

That literally happens every day.

Yes. If I had that thought it would be an inside thought unless I had seen this woman make a pass at my sister’s husband. I think it’s an inside thought because I don’t really see how any good comes from saying it, especially as a man. It comes down to personal judgement at the end of the day, but to me that would stay an inside thought.

He's not saying that. He's saying the woman is trouble based on actual past behaviour and it has potential to rock your sister's boat. This woman is homeless after cheating.

Very easy for her to fall for your sisters husband because he is inadvertently in a rescuing role and could confuse her.

Whether he is interested or not is neither here nor there.

If I was going to be ruder, its far easier for the woman to cuckoo into your sisters life than restart her own.

I think the fact the marriage is under strain would be a factor in keeping it an inside thought. It’s personal preference at the end of the day but that’s why I’d keep it to myself if it was me.

Depends on how likely your BIL is to cheat. I wouldn’t like the way your DH thinks either but realistically he won’t be the only man who thinks like that. I think I would be pretty insulted as your DH is intimating that fidelity depends on how easy it is to be unfaithful with someone younger and prettier than you.