DH has given me the ick

[Somethingabimbowouldsay]

My sister’s friend was kicked out of her home by her partner after she admitted she’d been unfaithful. Without anywhere else to go, my sister invited her to stay with her family - DP and her two DC.

We visited them a last week and met her colleague for the first time. On the journey back DH said something along the lines of, ‘she (my sister) is asking for trouble. She (her friend) looks much younger, is prettier and licentious (polite way of calling her a slag, I guess). My sister’s DP is a very decent man but I know things have been strained between them.

I am abit put out by his comments on her looks and behaviour but part of me wonders how realistic he is being.

You cannot be punished for your thoughts.

But, before you speak them aloud, think of how they might be misconstrued or how they might be judged. Then, in the name of judicious safety, keep your mouth shut.

There are and have been millions of people punished for their thoughts. Even today there are many countries where the majority of the population will try and prevent you from speaking because the thought that you might have a thought that is against the authorities policies is punished severely and widely so even the listeners get punished. So they never get to even voice the thought and many dash them away before they are fully formed in their own head, it's a very effective if somewhat unsavory self and community policing tactic by certain entities.

Thankfully OPs DH has every right to say what he thinks about his BIL/SIL situation even if the OP didn't like it.

My question for you OP is why you simply didn’t ask your husband to elaborate? I mean, presumably you believe your husband to be intelligent, caring and maybe even perceptive.
Taking the ‘ick’ is ridiculous when you could so easily have learned more about his thought process or what he saw/heard. No-one here knows how the friend presented herself, no-one knows bil or sister and even you OP don’t really know the full scenario behind closed doors.
As I’m older I have now seen many, many marriages break down when the wife takes in a friend or relative or employs a live-in nanny or au-pair etc. On the other hand, I don’t want to live my life distrusting everyone it’s too exhausting.
Just actually talk this through with your own husband.

He is absolutely correct unfortunately. I would not invite an openly unfaithful woman into my family home. I thought that was common sense?Not sure why this has upset you. Someone who has betrayed their own family then inviting them into your home is asking for trouble.

Yep that's what happens I'm afraid.

You’re basically saying your husband can’t be trusted? Will be tempted? Why be married to someone like that 🤯

If this is true then these men aren’t worth having around anyway IMO - superficial and disloyal can fuck off.

We're all human. You'll disagree but I kind if feel it's naive to think that our partners will never be tempted by a beautiful young woman. I hope very much my DH wouldn't act on any feelings but I don't believe you can ever be 100% sure.

Exactly the same situation happened years ago to a colleague of mine. She took a friend in who had split up with her partner. Then low and behold 8 months down the line my colleague finished work early. She arrived home to find her partner and so called friend in bed together.Your husband is being realistic.Men are from Mars women are from Venus end of.

Well, she has form to be fair.

Seriously? It happens all the time 😂

Well, many of them do.

You sister has moved in a pretty women of questionable morals while her relationship has rocky patches.

I mean theirs naive and their stupid. It’s horrible to say and 98% of women will say not their Nigel but a lot a hell of alot of men and tbh women would cheat if they thought they could get away with it and how much easier is it if you’ve moved the easy piece into your house.

Accidental bumping into each other after a shower towels only. Maybe one day he
/ she genuinely forgets to lock the bathroom theirs a glance that lets each other know they like what they see. Then boundaries slowly get pushed.

You can definitely paint a picture with your words OP.
Was itching to know what happens next🤣
Definite page turner.💯👌
Ok so the door is ajar...steamy shower, glances exchanged...

Would you be tempted by a handsome young man then?

How steamy 😱 Make it one of those choose your own endings books lol

turn to page 32) she steps into the room while his showering and steps behind the curtain with him, she gets his shower gel and starts lathering him up from head to toe…

turn to page 45) she gets a look and steps out embarrassed blushing, he later goes to her room towel only around his waist still dripping wet and visibly excited to talk to her about it….

page 50) She steps in seductively playing the innocent ooops my mistake, the husband clearly embarrassed shouts and orders her out.

Spoiler alert.

page 52) the husband horrified and lays down a she leaves or I leave ultimatum.

page 69) they have wild sex everytime the sister is out, the dining table the window ledge, the kitchen counter nowhere is safe.

So which planet is the woman who cheated with him from?

The dark side.

So according to OP's twisted reasoning, if I lock the door when I'm out because I’m concerned about burglars, that somehow makes me a burglar?
For goodness' sake, OP, what’s wrong with you?
Your reaction seems rooted in some serious underlying mental health issues. Perhaps it is low self-esteem or even delusional jealousy (aka Othello syndrome).
If I were you, I’d look into it before it gets worse and risks your DH dumping you.

I think men and woman are different? My husband says women are worse than men but I really don't think that women are so easily tempted by some random good looking guy.

I think men will take it if offered on a plate. Some women take pride In knowing they have it and can “take your man”.

How are men and women different if the cheating woman in this case is so easily tempted by a man? Her friends man.

no! It reveals their true opinion of the BIL. If he had said "I reckon that bloke beats his dog" or "I reckon that bloke fiddles his taxes" would you then think he was a dog beater or a tax fiddler?

Yeah, well, some of us have reason to ..though I for one am not for not staying with them once they show who they are,

Your posts have been spot on on here. I can’t believe all the women here married to men who they can’t trust.
what about if your son gets a girlfriend and she comes hanging round the house a lot?
what if your daughter brings her friends around?
get a young cleaner?
Those poor poor weak men waiting to be seduced! Fuck that. You should be with men who wouldn’t even dream of that and see younger women in a fatherly way. You should be with man who could get trapped in a lift with a naked woman and nothing would happen. It must be exhausting feeling so insecure that you have to constantly steer and manipulate situations so husband isn’t tempted.