DH has given me the ick

[Somethingabimbowouldsay]

My sister’s friend was kicked out of her home by her partner after she admitted she’d been unfaithful. Without anywhere else to go, my sister invited her to stay with her family - DP and her two DC.

We visited them a last week and met her colleague for the first time. On the journey back DH said something along the lines of, ‘she (my sister) is asking for trouble. She (her friend) looks much younger, is prettier and licentious (polite way of calling her a slag, I guess). My sister’s DP is a very decent man but I know things have been strained between them.

I am abit put out by his comments on her looks and behaviour but part of me wonders how realistic he is being.

I agree there are inside thoughts but that thought isn't one of them.

My inside thoughts are about how to get rid of the body. Not whether I think people I love are making a grave mistake, that should absolutely be spoken

I have absolutely no problem in voicing the thought the sister and bil are being fucking plonkers rescuing someone who fucked up her own life and not concentrating on their marriage.

If tell newly single woman she needs to be standing on her own two feet learning her new path on life asap too.

So you're in the 1%

And you do know if you think OP's husband's comment meant he would cheat because it's the same

It’s didn’t show anything about how my kind works. I made an observation based on the dh and the op. I’m not projecting.

I didn't say I thought he would cheat. I meant it means he thinks that's how men operate. Or that he fancies the woman concerned. Doesn't necessarily mean he'd be unfaithful. How would anyone on here know if he would or not?

@MarkingBad if I was worried I’d voice my concern this just isn’t how I’d voice it but yes I agree she needs to stand on her feet ect

I think he is right?
Your sister was insane to allow her to stay in her house.

Nothing men say would ever surprise me. I think this is fairly mild.

I also am finding it hard to believe that the thought didn’t cross you or your sisters mind?

have you been on mumsnet ever? Or ever watched a television or read Take a Break?

All those ‘Me Now’ photos in Take a Break magazine started out like this!

Why are people obsessed with “younger/thinner/prettier”
If you are with men who would think those things are a plus over the woman he loves then you’re with terrible perverted creeps. Or have been watching too many dramas. Some really insecure women on here not seeing their worth.

infidelity in relationships is extremely common.

I dont find it difficult to be monogamous, and im pretty sure my husband is on the same page as me about it, but I am not daft and I know that most cheating is opportunistic, and its often the people you would never expect it of.

No, it means her thinks its how THAT man would operate.

Ok thanks.

Why are people obsessed with “younger/thinner/prettier”

Ask men? Most relationship is still opposite sex. So what the opposite sex thinks that's what drives the beauty standards of a country/culture. Younger/thinner/prettier is UK beauty standards for women. Women can tell themselves it doesn't matter and we're all beautiful a thousand times over, it still won't make it true in the eyes of most men.

Your DH just said what many many other people would say or think OP.

You must live in a well to think what he said was unusual.

I’ve just not experienced it myself, I get asked out more, men wanting relationships, comments, pervs approaching/shouting stuff in the street in my 40s than any other decade. I know there are certain creepy men who value youth but they are to be avoided, I wouldn’t want to be married to one! An aging woman is far more beautiful, 20 year olds look like kids.

I think that says a lot about your DH and what he would do given the opportunity

I think the problem with a, 'woman being a woman.'

He's probably being realistic and although it's not a nice way to put his thoughts over, if he can't share them with his wife, then that's a reflection on their relationship too.

personally im on his side. especially if their relationship already on the rocks, why would you risk your marriage. the womans already shown she isnt loyal to anyone so would probably not think twice betraying your sister

Nothing icky in what he said.
He sees a potential temptress moved in and potentially wrecking their marriage.
Id say he's spot on.
Your sister should be careful.
People are only human and can be tempted...

Sounds like we know how he'd behave if you helped a friend

Eh.

Thus is the story of mankind.

It reads as though your husband insulted your sister's appearance. Is that what gave you the ick? Because maybe what he noticed was BIL looking. Next time you are around sister, sister's friend, and BIL, clock BIL's eyes; where are they looking? Where do they come to rest? If it's on the sweet young thing with the banging bod, maybe talk to your sister. If that's not where he looks, it's your husband.

absolutely agree, would not put up with a man saying that no matter how long the relationship because it reveals their true opinions

It happened to a friend of mine who took in a woman who'd be kicked out for cheating. Six weeks after moving in, the woman left and took my friend's husband with her.