DH has given me the ick

[Somethingabimbowouldsay]

My sister’s friend was kicked out of her home by her partner after she admitted she’d been unfaithful. Without anywhere else to go, my sister invited her to stay with her family - DP and her two DC.

We visited them a last week and met her colleague for the first time. On the journey back DH said something along the lines of, ‘she (my sister) is asking for trouble. She (her friend) looks much younger, is prettier and licentious (polite way of calling her a slag, I guess). My sister’s DP is a very decent man but I know things have been strained between them.

I am abit put out by his comments on her looks and behaviour but part of me wonders how realistic he is being.

A friend of mine has a rather rocky marriage. A male friend of her DH moved in temporarily after splitting up with his partner. She gets on really well with him and enjoys his company. Unlike her DH, he is really helpful around the house. My first thought was that this was a high risk situation for the marriage. I think your DH is probably being realistic.

Happens though. Might just cheat. Men usually cheat for the thrill, the chase, the excitement of secrecy. Though they don’t often want to leave the home comforts, it does happen.
Women usually cheat because they aren’t happy and want a knight on a white charger to whisk them away.

Adultery is one of the main causes of break ups and about half of marriages break up

OPs sister and her husband are already 'strained' though. It's right there in the OP.

I find nothing icky about his remark at all. I would have thought and said the same thing.

Your DH is a sensible man OP.

Understanding how cheating can happen goes a long way to prevent it from happening. So many posters on here whose partners have befriended a younger, attractive colleague in distress.......

Does your DH know that your sister and her H are having strained relationship? Perhaps your DH sees your sisters partner as a bit of a cad?
I've seen this situation before - seen exchanged glances between a woman that was temporarily lodging at friends house, and the said friends partner. You can guess how it ended.

I think that is very realistic. Seen it too many times.

Yes. Men rarely refuse what’s offered on a plate. They aren’t necessarily emotionally invested. It’s nature..spread the seed etc, hard wired though many will not react like that, for those of you with ‘good ones’ .But it’s a fact of life. Most marriages would not end in divorce if fidelity was a thing

Posters on the thread are giving their experience of men.

I think what the OP is concerned about is that her husband is giving his view as a man.

Which is the cause of the ick.

He's saying that he couldn't be trusted and he's already ranked two women, one of whom . matters to the OP on their fuckability.

Its not all women tho' is it? it is this particular lady who has a confirmed record of sexual betrayal and who is probably in a highly emotional state. I'd be careful and here's what I mean by that; encourage her to be actively seeking permanent accommodation and if I felt something was off with my DH and the house guest I would listen to my instinct rather than brush it off.

So unnecessarily spiteful.....

It does often go like this to be fair! The bar is low for many men.

Men rank women. Fact. If a woman sees an attractive man, she will rank him too. Pretending.otherwise is silly. That’s why pop stars and celebs get screamed at and followers.
She should be glad he’s open about what he’s thinking. It’s the ones who pretend not to notice that are a potential problem.

But you also said things are strained between them and this young women is “licentious” and is literally living with them because she had an affair so you know where her morals lie.

It's quite funny though that someone would be so offended by someone else "getting the ick" that they would themselves recoil in horror. Which is a far more ridiculous statement, unless they're being sincere, in which case they're a bit deranged.

He could have spotted something or as men speak to each other differently when women aren't around he might know something the two sisters don't.

Yes…because THAT’S never happened before!

We visited them a last week and met her colleague for the first time. On the journey back DH said something along the lines of, ‘she (my sister) is asking for trouble. She (her friend) looks much younger, is prettier and licentious (polite way of calling her a slag, I guess). My sister’s DP is a very decent man but I know things have been strained between them.

You didn’t close your quotation marks. If he just said ”she is asking for trouble,” and the rest of the above quotation was OP’s inference, it’s fine. If he used the word licentious in casual converstion I’d have the ick too.

That has happened millions of times though.

"fact" 🙄 There will always be people you find more attractive, but normal men or women don't go ranking humans like that and then telling their partners, that they essentially can't be trusted. Maybe you need a better partner.

He may have a point … I wouldn’t like my husband making a comment like that either but I guess he’s being realistic in a way because affairs do happen & the guest has already shown she has questionable morals.

The husband said what many people regardless of their sex would think. He didnt say he fancied her, he stated a fact. A woman who cheated on her husband is younger, prettier and clearly morality is not on the menu. It would not be the first time someone ruined their relationship for a fling.

There are only about a million threads on MN where this exact thing has happened.
Your DP might be being overly judgemental of this particular person, but his logic isn't flawed.

If the OP had said to her husband that his brother was not as hot as his wife's male friend and thathe should be worried, posters would have no problem calling her awful.

I really hope the only reason my husband of over twenty year hasn't cheated on me is because he's so very lazy it needs to be delivered to his house like some kind of sexual Deliveroo.You all have very low opinions of the men you choose to spend your lives with.