DH has given me the ick

[Somethingabimbowouldsay]

My sister’s friend was kicked out of her home by her partner after she admitted she’d been unfaithful. Without anywhere else to go, my sister invited her to stay with her family - DP and her two DC.

We visited them a last week and met her colleague for the first time. On the journey back DH said something along the lines of, ‘she (my sister) is asking for trouble. She (her friend) looks much younger, is prettier and licentious (polite way of calling her a slag, I guess). My sister’s DP is a very decent man but I know things have been strained between them.

I am abit put out by his comments on her looks and behaviour but part of me wonders how realistic he is being.

Strained relationship between sister and her husband and another woman in the household who clearly has a relaxed view about marital fidelity - what could go wrong?

The stereotype of men sleeping with their secretaries or aupairs or whatever is a stereotype for a reason, unfortunately.

Of course it's a man's responsibility not to cheat. However, it happens. I think your DH is just being realistic.

Even ignoring the cheating aspect, if your sister and BIL are going through a difficult patch in their marriage, is now really the time to invite a random colleague to stay?

This wouldn’t give me the ick but it would be a talking point for discussion.
I can understand why somebody might advise caution in a situation where a known betrayer ( male or female ) is in a ripe position to betray again, especially if you don’t know the full facts. Maybe your DH was just thinking out loud. So talk about it.

I don't think he's saying anything that you don't already know.

She IS younger, she IS more attractive, they ARE having issues, and if MN is anything to go by, inviting someone into your life who has a history of cheating (so probably no qualms about seducing married men!), probably IS dangerous.

Who in their right mind would invite a self confessed cheater to stay at their home around their own partner??

I agree
Its pathetic

Op… you don’t have children with this man do you? ☝

Sometimes you read a thread, and every adult comes off as being a bit…. Well, like a character from Shameless

I agree with him. Not icky to me.

Not sure if your sister should be worried but you should be!

I don't blame you for getting the ick.

He’s being honest with you, unsure why this would give you the ick though. I’d probably be thinking the same and would be very cautious who I invited into my family life - she’d have to look like Nanny McFee to get through the door!

I think you and your sister sound totally naive and your husband is right.

It implies he would find an offer from this woman hard to resist.

Really? Is the only reason you don't cheat on your partner a lack of opportunity?

This is a needlessly nasty comment. It's a shorthand way of saying that her partner have revealed a facet of himself that she finds so off-putting that she's not sure how to overcome it

Seems a very reasonable observation. She's already been unfaithful, right? So her morals are already in question

I suppose the OP feels like this might have been expressed without emphasising how attractive this woman is. How would he feel if she spoke of an equivalent male describing him as being dishy enough to potentially threaten their marriage, I don't think he'd like that

I'm completely confused. Why would your DH stating the obvious cause the ick?

I think.his observations are reasonable.

The worrying bit is you thinking he has a point.

He's being realistic. Her friend has already been unfaithful to her own husband. Do you really think she wouldn't betray her friend if she had the chance of a home as a result?

He's speaking very uncomfortable truth and as such I think you are not reasonable to be "getting the ice". I think it would be reasonable for you to feel insecure though and that would be the starting point for a discussion/revaluation of the situation. The fact that your DH said that tells me he's aware to the dangers though and that's a good thing.

Wow its depressing how many women think the only reason their partner hasn't cheated is because of a lack of opportunity. So all men will cheat if a younger hotter woman comes along? Toxic viewpoint.
Op, this would put me off too as your DH having this viewpoint seems telling. Like HE's the type of man to value youth and beauty enough to cheat on his spouse!

100%

Infidelity happens when people are unfaithful, not because they have the chance. It’s always on them. The world is full of beautiful people who enjoy sex. If you want to shag them, don’t get married.

You obviously haven't been on MN very long. I would say that your DH is pretty realistic.