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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To regret moving DP in to my house

591 replies

JadeySmiles · 17/04/2025 22:30

Hi all, the previous topic isn’t accepting new posts so I thought I’d update here.

We have had the conversation about split of
chores, DP said he can chip in ‘as and when needed’ but he didn’t have a suggested split as I hoped which was frustrating.

He says he feels a bit awkward with getting stuck in given he doesn’t own the house and thinks he will be more comfortable once he is on the Mortgage and asked me when that will be. I said I want to wait and see how things go over the next few months as we get used to living with each other.

He was a bit funny with this and suggested I’m backtracking on an agreement. But we didn’t ever set a timeline. He says his Mum has
told him the funds she/his Dad are gifting are currently in a low paying interest account and if he doesn’t take them soon they’ll fix them for a year so he needs to hurry up if he wants them.

I said this doesn’t change my feelings and we need to see how things go. He seems to be sulking now and has been on his games console in the spare bedroom since dinner, which he criticised and said he’s getting fed up with the same vegan meals. I told him he’s welcome to cook for us tomorrow!!

OP posts:
JadeySmiles · 17/04/2025 22:32

Forgot to add I asked him if he will come up with a split and he just said to let me know where he’s needed and that he doesn’t see the need for a rota given there’s just two of us 😩

OP posts:
Neveranynamesleft · 17/04/2025 22:32

Do not put him on the mortgage.

ArtTheClownIsNotAMime · 17/04/2025 22:32

I can't imagine being so desperate for a man that I would put up with this. Zero sympathy for you at this stage.

ConnieSlow · 17/04/2025 22:34

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Neodymium · 17/04/2025 22:34

Telling someone exactly how to do a chore it just as much work as doing the chore. If he can’t agree to a split where he does the chores independently then get rid of him.

Fimofriend · 17/04/2025 22:34

JadeySmiles · 17/04/2025 22:32

Forgot to add I asked him if he will come up with a split and he just said to let me know where he’s needed and that he doesn’t see the need for a rota given there’s just two of us 😩

So you need to tell him what to do or he won't do it? Just ask him to leave. He is never ever going to do even 20 % of the chores and if you get seriously ill he'll be out the door so fast.

CheeseeesyWotsits · 17/04/2025 22:35

OP,.please do not add him to your mortgage. I would move him out pronto.

sheep73 · 17/04/2025 22:35

honestly, dump him. sorry x

SeaDragon17 · 17/04/2025 22:36

This isn’t a partner. It’s a whole new chore for you.

CheeseeesyWotsits · 17/04/2025 22:36

Had he done the washing up at least before sulking?

Sulking is not attractive, not is gaming.

PullTheBricksDown · 17/04/2025 22:38

Hard work or what? OK, say for starters that you will cook on alternate nights. That includes thinking of what to cook, getting the ingredients and actually preparing the meal. Bet that trips him up all by itself

FrogFairy · 17/04/2025 22:39

This man is not a keeper. Get rid of him, you deserve so much better.

Newmumhere40 · 17/04/2025 22:40

Not cleaning, not actively willing to, heading out to an Arsenal game when you asked to talk (not washing his fucking dinner plates), gaming, sulking and trying to coerse you to put him on your mortgage.....

What more do you need to see?!

Are you actually still attracted to this man child after witnessing this behavior? Imagine what he's going to be like in 6 months....I shudder to consider.

For the sake of your future happiness do what you know you need to do. You sound like an intelligent woman.

Zonder · 17/04/2025 22:40

Neveranynamesleft · 17/04/2025 22:32

Do not put him on the mortgage.

This.

livelovelough24 · 17/04/2025 22:40

No, I would not keep this thing. Sorry!

Cosmosforbreakfast · 17/04/2025 22:41

Do NOT put him on the mortgage. Don't even entertain any talk of putting him on the mortgage. Tell him under no circumstances will you be putting him on the mortgage. Protect your property!

Stop letting him tell you what's going to happen in your house. If you want to work out a rota then he can be an adult, work out a rota with you and stick to it. He doesn't need to be on the mortgage to do his share. You should just tell him to move back out, it sounds like he just wants his name on your house.

FOJN · 17/04/2025 22:41

He says he feels a bit awkward with getting stuck in given he doesn’t own the house and thinks he will be more comfortable once he is on the Mortgage and asked me when that will be. I said I want to wait and see how things go over the next few months as we get used to living with each other.

You took his piss poor attempt at manipulation seriously? And you are frustrated he didn't offer any suggestions about how things are split. He hasn't made any suggestions because he has no intention of doing anything whether he's on the mortgage or not.

The manchild is sulking and gaming in the spare room rather than packing his bags because you haven't told him to fuck off.

I think you are going to lose your house to this bloke.

toomuchfaff · 17/04/2025 22:42

He says he feels a bit awkward with getting stuck in given he doesn’t own the house and thinks he will be more comfortable once he is on the Mortgage

ABSOFUCKINLUTELY NOT

Newmumhere40 · 17/04/2025 22:42

Fimofriend · 17/04/2025 22:34

So you need to tell him what to do or he won't do it? Just ask him to leave. He is never ever going to do even 20 % of the chores and if you get seriously ill he'll be out the door so fast.

Wait till he calls her a nag when she actually tells him what needs cleaning.....

1dontunderstand · 17/04/2025 22:42

Throw this one back

CoffeeBeansGalore · 17/04/2025 22:43

It's a bank holiday weekend. He can move back to his parents and they can give him the deposit for his own place.

He just wants to own YOUR hard worked for home with the built in maid and booty call.

He is treating you appallingly, not willing to do anything off his own back, and STILL EXPECTING you to sign over your home.

This is not a loving, supportive partner. He is a leech.

HappilySquare · 17/04/2025 22:44

For goodness sake OP, please don't settle for this. Remember - when someone shows you who they are, believe them. He's not even trying to hide what a lazy, entitled cocklodger he is. If you tolerate this, you will end up resentful and miserable - and swindled!

JemimaTab · 17/04/2025 22:44

He’s a leech. Don’t let him pressure you into putting him on the mortgage. In fact, if it were me, I’d get rid.

YourWinter · 17/04/2025 22:45

Newmumhere40 · 17/04/2025 22:40

Not cleaning, not actively willing to, heading out to an Arsenal game when you asked to talk (not washing his fucking dinner plates), gaming, sulking and trying to coerse you to put him on your mortgage.....

What more do you need to see?!

Are you actually still attracted to this man child after witnessing this behavior? Imagine what he's going to be like in 6 months....I shudder to consider.

For the sake of your future happiness do what you know you need to do. You sound like an intelligent woman.

This, this and this again.

Please see him for the loser he will always be, and get him out of your house and out of your life. Life is too short to waste on him and alone is a billion times better than sharing your life with this awful human.

arethereanyleftatall · 17/04/2025 22:46

You’ve listed a pile of stuff that would see any woman with a healthy amount of self respect running for the hills from this man. Over any of them even individually, let alone together.

what is happening for you that you are having to question this?